Sick of the whole "numbers game"

[Raze]

That doesn't make any sense; every time I try to talk to a new girl, how could she possibly know about the previous girls I approached?

How could she possibly come to the conclusion that I've been using the shotgun approach?

It's not like I'm going up saying "Hey, you're 4th girl I've come up and talked to all week. I'm Cyanosphere by the way."

They're just being assholes. A lot of people on this forum assume a lot. Like I said, just strike up a conversation and then when you feel comfortable say "I had a nice time talking to you, we should do something sometime, what's your number?" And if it doesn't work, so what? It's not the end of the world, and don't be too hard on yourself. And don't let people on this board put you down if you fail. We all make mistakes. I make mistakes all the time.

Trust me, I'm sick of the assumptions too, but I have been known to do some assuming myself. I'm trying my best to stop. lol.

[Cyanosphere]

When you meet a girl you find attractive, drop your silly pick up lines and have a conversation with her. Talk about things in common, things that are important to her, things that are important to you (other than your d**k). If you hit it off, and she finds you attractive, then and only then will things start to happen.

Good luck.

Carl.

Well DUUUH!

I think that's pretty much common sense.

It's not like I was going up and saying "Hey, are your legs tired? 'Cause you've been running through my mind all day. I'm 8 inches by the way."

[Raze]

What the hell? Who the hell uses pickup lines anymore? Honestly! Of course he's not going to use pick up lines. I've never met a person that uses pickup lines.

Calm down Raze

Caaaaalllllmmmmmm doooooowwwwnnnnnnn

Seeeeeeeeeeerreenity nooooooooooowwwww

Ok, I'm good. =)

[Cyanosphere]

Doc Durian says:

"Who's to say that he needs to improve himself in order to find the right woman?"

don't ask retarded questions. Clearly the women he pursues don't find him desirable. So either he needs to lower his standards or improve himself in order to become more successful with women.

"Maybe they need to improve themselves to recognize him as a good man/partner prospect."

haha, good luck to anyone who listens to this shitty advice. F*ck self-improvement. Let's blame everyone for not recognizing us rather than work on improving our shortcomings! <rolls eyes>

"Let's not quibble over words. You proposed alteration of this man, pure and simple."

don't be such a drama queen. The "alteration" I suggested is no different than going to school to become more educated or working out more frequently to improve your appearance. You act like I'm suggesting the OP change his hair color and wear flamboyant clothes.

"If this man isn't able to find a compatible woman because he's lacking in something obvious, alteration could be a possibility. If he's not lacking, alteration would be unjust to that person."

when is self-improvement ever unjust to that person? Bettering ourselves opens new doors in life which bring more opportunities.

I'm always improving myself. I'm studying to be a paramedic, (which I want to use to pay for med school some day) I play in a band, I hang out at live music events and art galleries, I read and keep knowledgeable and up to date at all times.

But at the same time, I'm like "Damn! What MORE do I have to do?"

[Raze]

I think he means that you need to change your appearance and attitude. I don't agree 100% with that. I'm telling you that you just need initiative. I still think you were doing fine before.

[Bumble_bee]

Cyno. it becomes a numbers game if YOU are the picky one...

[Bumble_bee]

or Cyanosphere even

[Cyanosphere]

Cyno. it becomes a numbers game if YOU are the picky one...

Could you explain please?

[Cyanosphere]

Cyanosphere, its only a numbers game if you play it that way. Stop acting like a scared little teenager with the whole "i have to work up my courage".

I'm sorry, but I have to "work up the courage" because it's hard. I've been snubbed on the approach before; granted, only rarely, but I'm amazed by how harsh and hostile some women can be to guys who just come up and say hi to them.

This one time, I was at a bar and I complimented a girl on her dress. She just looked at me once, turned around and grabbed her friend by the arm and walked away without a word.

This other girl, I complimented on her hair. She just laughed and said "Not gonna happen!"

I've seen other girls be just unbelievably rude and hostile to other guys.

At a party, this guy came up to a girl and asked if he could ask her a question. She just told him to "F-off."

This other time, I saw a guy approach this one girl with her friends and tell her that he thought she was pretty and wanted to come over and say hi. She just rolled her eyes and went back to talking to her friend without a single word.

Seriously, what right to these witches have to act like this?

I'm sorry, but being rejected hurts, especially when it's right away, that rudely and harshly and you haven't even been given the chance to, I don't know "show yourself," and it takes a toll on your self-esteem.

[Aeradalia]

I tried the whole "doing my own thing, let the girls come to me" thing after my previous ex broke up with me last Christmas. I didn't approach girls or try to talk to chat them up. That didn't work at all. I went without a date for months. No girls were coming to me.

It wasn't until May that I decided to try and be the one to make the first move and went on that little binge of approaching women.

There's a difference between approaching a woman and just talking. Not talking at all won't encourage anyone to want to get to know you... instead they will think you're a loner and would much rather not be bothered. You can be sociable with women without engaging in the numbers game.

Women are people too with interests that may be similar to your own... but how can you ever know that if all you do is beg for their number?

Seriously, ask yourself what are you looking for? Getting laid or someone you might have something in common with?

If you want to get laid... the numbers game works... just as nature intended.

If you want to find a woman you may have more in common with, then you're going to have to forget the numbers game, just be you, and treat women like decent human beings. Take the time to learn about women and build your confidence up --- talk to them without the idea in the back of you mind that you need to pry a number from them. Desperation will only cloud your judgement and you'll end up with women you don't really care for time and time again.

[Aeradalia]

I'm sorry, but I have to "work up the courage" because it's hard. I've been snubbed on the approach before; granted, only rarely, but I'm amazed by how harsh and hostile some women can be to guys who just come up and say hi to them.

This one time, I was at a bar and I complimented a girl on her dress. She just looked at me once, turned around and grabbed her friend by the arm and walked away without a word.

This other girl, I complimented on her hair. She just laughed and said "Not gonna happen!"

I've seen other girls be just unbelievably rude and hostile to other guys.

At a party, this guy came up to a girl and asked if he could ask her a question. She just told him to "F-off."

This other time, I saw a guy approach this one girl with her friends and tell her that he thought she was pretty and wanted to come over and say hi. She just rolled her eyes and went back to talking to her friend without a single word.

Seriously, what right to these witches have to act like this?

I'm sorry, but being rejected hurts, especially when it's right away, that rudely and harshly and you haven't even been given the chance to, I don't know "show yourself," and it takes a toll on your self-esteem.

You're in a bar... you already lost before you even had a chance to play. The women know why you're there... and you're approaching them when they have friends or even boyfriends.

Remember.... location... location... location.

[Mish]

Bars and clubs are not the best places to pick up women (unless you are looking for a root, in which case you have to do the numbers). Women expect to be approached in there by horny guys and have auto shields on (and they should because you give a guy a chance and they'll never leave a girl alone).

Try places which aren't so obvious and where you can meet better quality women.

[Doc Durian]

Girls like to hang out there for the opportunities to knock back men. Bars and pubs are power trips for the non-sluts.

I ignore women in pubs as a matter of principle. When it's apparent to them that you don't give two flying ****s what they look like or are showing off, it strikes them hard. And they usually drop the bitch shield and make it a point to approach and be pleasant. Women hate to be hassled but fear being ignored.

[carl1222]

I'm sorry, but I have to "work up the courage" because it's hard. I've been snubbed on the approach before; granted, only rarely, but I'm amazed by how harsh and hostile some women can be to guys who just come up and say hi to them.

This one time, I was at a bar and I complimented a girl on her dress. She just looked at me once, turned around and grabbed her friend by the arm and walked away without a word.

This other girl, I complimented on her hair. She just laughed and said "Not gonna happen!"

I've seen other girls be just unbelievably rude and hostile to other guys.

At a party, this guy came up to a girl and asked if he could ask her a question. She just told him to "F-off."

This other time, I saw a guy approach this one girl with her friends and tell her that he thought she was pretty and wanted to come over and say hi. She just rolled her eyes and went back to talking to her friend without a single word.

Seriously, what right to these witches have to act like this?

I'm sorry, but being rejected hurts, especially when it's right away, that rudely and harshly and you haven't even been given the chance to, I don't know "show yourself," and it takes a toll on your self-esteem.

You chided me for stating the obvious ... don't approach a girl with a "pick up line" ... yet in every example you gave of an immediate shoot-down, it was in response to an initial "pick-up line" (in bold above) except the unbearably stupid "Can I ask you a question?" approach.

Every time a guy walks up to a girl who is a perfect stranger and begins the conversation with a compliment on her looks, he is hitting on her ... he knows it, she knows it. Sure, some girls are just so rude or just so self-impressed that they shoot guys down for sport.

But it's more likely a defensive move on her part. From experience, they have found that far too many guys won't take no for an answer. In the past, when they have given a guy the least bit of encouragement, he will buzz around her all night like a gnat with clumsy romantic overtures until she finally has to shoot him down anyway.

So I repeat ... leave the pick-up lines at home, and this includes starting a conversation with a physical compliment.

It also helps if you learn something about the body language girls use to express potential interest. Since it's up to the guy to make the first move, girls have become adept at telegraphing their interest without coming out and saying it. If she's not even giving you a passing glance, chances are you are pumping from a dry well unless there are other indications that she is a very shy girl.

[NeoSeminole]

Cyanosphere says:

"I tried the whole "doing my own thing, let the girls come to me" thing after my previous ex broke up with me last Christmas. I didn't approach girls or try to talk to chat them up. That didn't work at all. I went without a date for months. No girls were coming to me."

if you had poor success with women before, then sitting back and letting them approach you won't work.