Can You Figure Out this Conversation?

[Wakeup]

Listen: The bottomline is that in order for you to not get "shredded" as indie calls it, you should look after yourself and not assume the best of him until he's proved he is good (too soon for that yet.) Particularily when he doesn't see you on weekends, he has a history of being in codependent and dysfunctional relationships that he is currently not yet come to terms with and he is only known to you for two weeks. You don't know him. It's okay to ASSUME that he is good if there is zero red flags but, there are red flags (more than what you've revealed more than likely) so don't be naive. It's not about taking a positive or negative slant anyway... it's about the evidence before us and how you should, if you love yourself, be weighing all this.

You don't have to be cautious and you can be positive from the get go if there are no red flags. So worrying about being a bitter old hag doesn't even have to come into the equation. This is about this guy and what you've told us about him thus far. What WILL turn you into a bitter old hag is being burnt by guys over and over again because you do not take into consideration the negative aspects of the guys that you are interacting with. Common sense tells you that he has been in an abusive relationship where he stayed long enough to show scars from it. That indicates that he has some very deep seated issues that you've yet to see rear their ugly head. Keep that in mind about him.

As for working every weekend. It's not the fact that he works every weekend that's not a problem in itself (if you don't mind being alone on those days that is) the problem is that people who are already in a relationship save weekends for their Significant other and usually are never (or very, very seldom) available for the one on the side during that time. That is what is meant by another red flag. It doesn't necessaritly mean he is married, but when you don't know him well, you should wonder if he may be. It's also a red flag because it could mean that he has other woman as well as you and he rotates his time between you and them. Hence the "when I get some free time you and I will go away together" that's often code for "when its your turn, we'll go away then." Since you don't know him well and he refused to be exclusive with you that possibility exists.. something to keep in mind as you continue on.

You assume that what I say is "baseless" but if you opened your eyes to what we've been saying, you'd understand what could be going on here. Tis better to be safe then end up being played. If you're anything like our friend (who is much older than you and should know better) you will feel awfully stupid (amongst many other negative emotions) when/if you do realize where (using 20/20 hindsight) the red flags were and when you ignored your gut.

As for asking your mother. I find that someone close to you can sometimes see things better than strangers over the internet and when they know you and your personality, they can sometimes give you a better slant on things. That's what she has to do with it. Do you not confide in your mother ever? I'm old and I still wish I had her to run things by once and awhile. Unfortunately she's not alive anymore to do so...

[IndiReloaded]

Hatch the egg, don't smash it, kid.

[AlexS]

I haven't read any other comments so here is my view from reading jut your post.



So try and see the position he is in.

My first impression of that is:

He's divorced but there is definitely still some sort of emotion (negative or positive - but still emotion). That effects people.
He's probably only just got used to being by himself, and he taking the first step to continuing his life.
You come along (he's thinking "great yeah other people/plenty of fish" blah blah etc. etc.) it probably hadn't even crossed his mind the idea of "love" or anything.
Now when the suggestion of moving on (being "together") is on the cards, well that's shocked him.
During that evening he's thought "actually, hell why not, she's nice/good in bed/makes an awesome Sunday roast (or whatever)"
He suggested to go away, that's a good sign. But I really cannot believe he is yet in a position of a serious relationship and certainly not "love" yet. 2-3 weeks is seriously quick for anyone never mind a guy who is relatively recently divorced.

I would say reassess the love that you have, can it really go from **** buddies to love in a fortnight?
But in the other hand it's sound like he willing to at least give it a shot or think about it.
Slow down and take your time

[prettygal]

Forget about him! I was in a situation similar to this where a guy was just my "friend" and we would see each other almost everyday and have sex all of the time. He had no intention of becoming my boyfriend and I ended up getting pregnant. Later when I told him I was pregnant he said I was just "hit it and quit it" and got really mad. He then moved across the country and was gone the whole time I was pregnant. He came back and was with me during the delivery, we got together and now i'm really miserable with him. He doesn't love me and he is just with me because of the baby.

[bulrush]

If you want him to be his boyfriend, it's ok to ask. But it sounds like he doesn't know what he wants, or he's not ready for the "exclusive boyfriend" thing.

Also, don't confuse "infatuation", or "the honeymoon period" with love. Infatuation is what you get when you first meet someone and you don't see their flaws yet. As the relationship progresses, this infatuation will wane, and many people think they "fell out of love" and immediately break up. It's just that infatuation is leaving, to be replaced by real love if they just stick with things. (Assuming you two are compatible and emotionally healthy.)

[Lissy0404]

first, I dont think you love him, I think you are in love with the idea of being with him. Maybe you are a bit confused on that matter, give it some time, and give yourselve the chance to meet him, maybe eventually you will realize he is not the one for you. Also, change the rules, maybe the fact that he has the sex, is pushing him away from actually starting a real relationship with you. He has what he needs. Everything else, it doesnt matter. If I was you I migth change the game rules for a while, show him that you want something more, and see how he reacts.

[Guybrush]

And also...there's a reason why I posted this in the "Ask a Male" forum.

I think that my fellow, female posters are a bit overly negative here, though I admit the way you present your case it is not a textbook beginning of a perfect relationship.

I will keep to the subject and answer your question ("Can you figure out this conversation"?)

What the conversation says to me is that he was not prepared for your question about taking the relationship one step further. And he was certainly not prepared to hear you say you love him. That much is obvious. To be fair, I don't think we can speculate much beyond that. He certainly did not reject you. And the best sex part, I agree that could mean something (If you have a clear feeling that the sensation was mutual, and not just wishful thinking).

THe bright spot here is his suggestion for spending a weekend with you. I think this *could* mean that he is interested in at least testing the grounds for something more serious. If you really scared him off I don't think he would suggest that.

If you would allow me to make one further comment about what I REALLY don't like, that is his bad-mouthing his ex. That is a sign of poor integrity, in my eyes. Not attractive!

[basilandthyme]

Old thread. OP is long gone

[anastasiagreyso]

"And she did do things to him. He has scars on his body from her."

I cannot help but think of Fifty Shades of Grey.

Anyway, I think it is still too early to assume that you love this guy. First, you've just met him. Second, your relationship with him is based on sex. And thirdly, you asked him to be your boyfriend but he just shut his mouth.

It is very clear that he wants you because he can freely have sex with you no strings attached.
I have to agree with Wake Up that I think your mistaking love for lust.

If he's really into you, he should have told you "YES!" , make the official announcement to his friends, families and to his wife that you two are dating.

[basilandthyme]

Mods, can someone please close this old thread?