A definate pickle (Long)

[DutchBoY]

lil question, especially for the ladies......what's up with giving off these mixed signals? I was talking with her yesterday, and she sent me these songs:

Do it to me (lionel richie)
Three times a lady (lionel richie)
No reason to be shy (ilse de lange)

the first and the last title are pretty self explanatory, but the second had me thinking that it wasn't on purpose or anything, until I realised friday will be the third time of me coming over at her place. Am I reading way too much into this? or are these actually hints (damn I hate how I suck at determining when women are giving off signals or when it's meaningless banter).

[Tone]

Hey I'm not a woman, but I do know that's definately NOT a bad sign.

[DutchBoY]

Well, I just came back, and it was a very weird date. The date basically came to be because she said she didn't see the point of a relationship above a friendship, on which I replied I'd like her to elighten me during a nice dinner. So last night was the date, I cooked her dinner, and it was all good. After some wine I popped the question for her to explain what she meant. So she told me her reasons. They sounded reasonable enough, I could see where she came from, so no point in really discussing it and trying to make her change her mind. So after dinner we put on a movie, she lay down in my lap, and things started to get intimate. We kissed some on and off, and things were looking well enough. But there was the thing I couldn't get out of my head, and that was her point of view concerning relationships. I knew (or feared) I was waaay more invested in this than she was, so me pursuing this to the next level (sex) could've left me truly ****ed up. So in the end it remained by kissing, and to be honest it was heaven. The next day would decide if she was just giving off mixed signals but was really open for a relationship, or just looking for a one-night stand. Next morning (today) I wake up and she's still sleeping. So I wait for her to wake up. And then the moment supreme. I lean in to kiss her goodmorning, and she turns me the cheek. So there it is. I spent the rest of the day with her, but all was more distant.....not uncomfortably, but definately noticable compared to last night. Just before I said my goodbyes, I asked her if last night meant anything for her and if I could see her again soon to continue where we left off, or if she just really isn't interested in that way. So she told me she really finds me attractive, cute and a sweet guy to boot, but she just isn't falling in love with me. Third or fourth time I've heard that......I think I should become some major *******, it seems that women are more attracted to those.

So that I think ends this, and now to deal with the pain. Life's a *****!

[alice]

aawww, i'm so sorry for you, dutchie!

[DutchBoY]

ye thnx.....This thing really hit me in the stomach this morning when I woke up. Jesus I can't believe how stupid I've been to let her get so close to me when most of the signals already said she wasn't really up for a relationship. Seems about time I build myself some stronger and higher walls.

[clynn]

Aaaah, she was leading you down the garden path though.

She is foolish!

[Tone]

Can't win 'em all, man.

=/

[DutchBoY]

what's "leading someone down the garden path" stand for?

ye I know I can't win em all, but a first would be nice right about now.

Have talked some more with her, and she's all how she hates herself for not being able to fall in love with me despite the feelings that she has.....and damn it's hard not to slide in a depression hearing her say that. Just have to see she is probably only saying that to soothe my pain or smthn, but instead she's only making it hurt more. Should've worn a helmet hehe

[DutchBoY]

well, I'm back, and there definately is an update alright.

I went over last night, presumably for some friendly banter and me helping her out with her pc. So all was nice and casual until around bedtime. She was sending a whole lot of signals, and I guess I was as well, so we ended up in bed together. We didn't go all the way, which was sort of a mutual decision as we progressed. So she fell asleep in my arms, and it was simply awesome for lack of a better word. Well, I'm a very late sleeper, and a smoker to boot, and for two hours I lay awake savoring the moment, and then decided to have a cigarette and put on some music, so I went to the other room and eventually slept there as not to wake her up. This morning, unlike last time, I wake up from her entering the room, and instead of turning the cheek she crawls in bed and we hug and kiss some. Well, we parted ways a bit later, and she asked: "When will I see you again?"

And again there's the nagging question in my head: She is a friend who has made it abundantly clear she's not up for a relationship or anything, so I guess for her this is just having fun. For me on the other hand this means quite a lot. I can't remember a day in recent history where I walked aroud the street all day with a lazy smile, but today is has been that day. I'm in for some serious hurt if I don't watch out, I know that, but is there a way that just spending time together like we did last night might turn her feelings into something more? The big difference in her "morning after" behaviour has left me wondering (and hoping I guess).....

[clynn]

Yes, it would be very hard to not be left wondering and hoping that there is more to it than just a good time or casual behavior.

I am the same as you - this type of behavior, with someone that I am close to already (because you're friends)....means something and I can't be casual about it.

She certainly isn't clear even herself exactly what she wants.

I hope it works out for you!

[Tone]

I don'tget why you continue to torture yourself byhanging around her and giving her whatevershe wants, when she'salready turnedyou down...Imean if she was interested you I think she wouldn't have shot you down whenyou tried mentioning getting together. She wants to hang out withyou, make out with you, sleep in the same bed.. but... doesn'twant you for her boyfriend??

So basically she'sgetting a boyfriend for free. And you're letting her.

I dunno man.. I mean I guess you can hope she comes around... but I think if you don't put your foot down, she's just gonna walk all over you until she finds a new guy she's interested in. I think it's time you make a stand.

[DutchBoY]

well, it's pretty much as your handle says: I want to believe. If I make a stand, I'm afraid that I'm going to lose something that I'm thoroughly enjoying, and that's her friendship. Like I said, I'm pretty happy now, though there's a hell of a path ahead, which I kind of want to shun for fear of getting some serious damage. Damn this shit is hard! hahaha, ah well, at the moment I seem to be able to laugh about it

[Tone]

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LoL but I hear you man... I know exactly what you mean... I talk big but I usually always let my emotions get the best of me... At least I have in the past, hoping to break that cycle though.

I mean, if you're willing to deal with the pain and torture of being so close to her.. yet so far away - then hey... sounds like it's worth the risk.. it's your call, your life.

[DutchBoY]

ye I'm quite the opposite, I've always let rational thinking get the best of me, and I'm trying damn hard to act on my feelings for once......only seems life gets more complicated along the way when emotions roam free......we'll see where this ends, I'm meeting her in a week again

[Gigabitch]

I think the decision not to push is a good one. What have you got to lose by going slow? It sounds like she's warming up to you. Can't wait to hear what happens.