Why is he doing this? Is he really over it all?

**smackie9** · 17-02-13, 03:52 AM

Here is my two cents. You two have only been dating for a year. IMO that is too soon to commit to living together. I feel he is upset because you are not really ready for this step yet. Living together is a huge adjustment, and you really find out what the other person is like. He fears you are not liking what you see in him, and it scares him. And typical of (most) men, they have trouble communicating their feelings so they push themselves away from the situation. You can approach him with a hand written letter or card, telling him that you want understand his fears. IF your love for one another is worth it, you are willing to work through both your fears....express to him that this needs to be discussed, and it can't be ignored anymore.

Communication is a key ingredient to any successful relationship. If he can't communicate with you now, then this relationship is to be doomed anyways. Better to find out now than when you have invested more years into this relationship.

**Amb** · 18-02-13, 01:53 AM

Smackie I have told him that if he wants to work on it I am willing to work on it and grow from this. He doesn't want to continue. He gave up. He has always had a hard time communicating his needs. Its been like pulling teeth to try to get a response from him. I still haven't heard a thing from him since Friday evening when I saw him. It takes two.

**smackie9** · 18-02-13, 02:40 AM

Yes you are right, it takes two to repair a relationship, BUT the main issue he will always have is communication. If he doesn't see that this is why things seem to fail on him, then he will continue to fail. This is not your problem to fix. If this is the way he is, then seriously you are better off without him.

**Amb** · 04-03-13, 10:05 PM

So my ex and I have been talking. We actually had a conversation on Saturday night where we were not arguing. It felt really good to talk to him. He pretty much told me we need to let each other go so we can heal from the heartbreak. I told him I have been trying to do so. I am not trying to get back together and have been moving on with my life. It sounded like he felt bad. He said he feels like the bad guy. I told him I don't see it that way and I understand that he needs space. He has been talking to other girls and I found out about it he felt bad that I found out. He said he felt wanted something he hasn't felt in a long time. I told him I understand I can't be mad at him if we are not together. I have been hanging out with friends too but nothing has happened they have been keeping me company. I told him my ex I am not looking for a relationship(I really can't even imagine what that would be like right now). I think he is the one who needs attention so he is trying to get it from random women. It really sucks, but that is the way he is handling himself. I still don't understand when he has me right here.

The reason I wanted to update was because I am seeing a change in his behavior. He still blames me for breaking up, but it seems like he is cooling down. This morning he called me randomly at 4 AM. I happened to wake up suddenly right before my phone rang, like I was startled. I was laying in bed when I saw my phone light up. It was him. He told me he had a dream about me. Where we had sex one last time. Then he told me to come over so we can. He said he didn't know what was going to happen after we can just be together and lay there. He said we don't have to talk just be together. I told him I wasn't ready for that. I told him good night. Then he text him and said this is killing me. I don't know what he meant by it but I didn't respond.

What do y'all think? This is really not like him to do.

**michelle23** · 04-03-13, 10:17 PM

I think he is extremely immature Amb and you had a lucky escape. He took the easy way out coz hes not ready for an adult relationship and he let you take the blame for everything as he doesn't have the balls to be honest and say he doesn't want you. If he really loved you-he would have tried to work it out with you. Not run home to mommy and refuse to talk to you in a civil way like a grown ****ing man. That is the reality and he js full of crap.

Dont sleep with him-its just a booty call and it will hurt you more. Tell him to leave you alone so you can get over him and move on with your life. He wants to have his fun with other girls and keep you hanging on just so he can have you whenever he wants you. Dont give in to him.

**smackie9** · 04-03-13, 10:32 PM

Ya I agree with Michelle he is manipulating you into have sex with him....that was a booty call, not an expression of his love for you....it's total bull sh it.

**Amb** · 04-03-13, 10:42 PM

I feared that was it. It is so ridiculous how I was in love with him and I thought he loved me. He just wanted someone around to make him feel wanted. It's disgusting. It really makes me sick.

**HeartIsAching** · 04-03-13, 10:44 PM

Yep, he was angling for a booty call.

**michelle23** · 04-03-13, 11:07 PM

Originally Posted by Amb

I feared that was it. It is so ridiculous how I was in love with him and I thought he loved me. He just wanted someone around to make him feel wanted. It's disgusting. It really makes me sick.

Its good that you feel this way. Hold onto that feeling while you move on. Its easier to get over someone your angry at and eventually you can let go of the anger and feel NOTHING for him xx

**Amb** · 04-03-13, 11:30 PM

I want to get over it all, but I have a lot of guilt and regrets. I always wonder maybe if I would have stuck around or been patient. I feel like there are reasons why I was doubting it all. I wasn't happy. I'm not happy now either. I have a lot to figure out on my own, but I want him too. It feels unfinished. The whole thing lacks closure. It is hard to move on when it feels so unfinished. He has been treating me like some piece of shit. It hurts and I don't know why I am allowing it. It feels like I made the right decision. Is there only so much you push someone before they break?

**michelle23** · 04-03-13, 11:35 PM

Stop blaming yourself and don't feel guilty. It didn't work out for a reason. It just means you and he are not compatible and you would not have made each other happy so its a good thing its over.

You don't need closure. Closure comes with accepting its over and moving forward with your life, learning to be happy on your own until your ready to meet someone new.

You can do better. He is selfish and immature.

**Amb** · 04-03-13, 11:42 PM

Originally Posted by michelle23

I think he is extremely immature Amb and you had a lucky escape. He took the easy way out coz hes not ready for an adult relationship and he let you take the blame for everything as he doesn't have the balls to be honest and say he doesn't want you. If he really loved you-he would have tried to work it out with you. Not run home to mommy and refuse to talk to you in a civil way like a grown ****ing man. That is the reality and he js full of crap.

Dont sleep with him-its just a booty call and it will hurt you more. Tell him to leave you alone so you can get over him and move on with your life. He wants to have his fun with other girls and keep you hanging on just so he can have you whenever he wants you. Dont give in to him.

You are so right. I know it's true but I am making myself believe he actually loved me. Everything we shared seems so real, like it couldn't be fake. Things change I suppose. My friend tells me I am still to young and need to find myself before going into another relationship. I enjoy companionship I really hate to be alone. It is something I have to learn from, but I have never been desperate about it just hopeful. My friend asked me why do I try to make things work out with guys who aren't right. I never saw it that way because it seems like they weren't right after it was all said and done.

**michelle23** · 05-03-13, 12:01 AM

He probably did love you during the infatuation period when you both had your head in the clouds and life seemed so beautiful, perfect and romantic but once the infatuation wears off and reality sets in-you start to get to know the real person and determine whether you are compatible or not. It just wasn't meant to be. And you found out in the end that hes not worth your time 1. because of the way he ended it 2. his ability to move on so fast and 3. his insulting way of disrespecting you by asking for a booty call.

Your friend is probably right. Take time out to focus on what is important to you, the qualities you want in a man etc and when you do meet someone take things slowly. Take your time getting to know him and make sure he is what you want before allowing yourself to get too close. Also don't rush into living together. I think you should be together for at least 2-3 years first before taking that step. Its a big change and you need to be sure about each other.

Most people are so in love with the idea of being in love-they forget to think about what they actually want in a partner. And when your infatuated with someone-you may overlook all their flaws, ignore the red flags and start planning weddings and babies before you even know anything about each other. Try to avoid falling into this trap.

Your heart is fragile and you should only give it to someone worthy. Set your standards high and dont settle for anything less than that

**Amb** · 05-03-13, 12:05 AM

Thank you. That is really great advice. You have really helped me.

**michelle23** · 05-03-13, 12:12 AM

No problem. Im glad I can help. Just look after yourself. You will be okay. It just takes time.

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