Should I Listen to my Head, or my Heart?

[smackie9]

It was just mere suggestion because anything can happen. Usually when someone's behavior practically changes over night usually means someone has helped them to change their mind.

[TexAggie1]

She's only been in my city for a few months. The only people she knows are brand new work relationships. She's stated several times that's she's lonely, and has no one to support her during this time period. I just don't think she is in a mental state to be wanting to date anyone.

[searock]

Why are you STILL spending time thinking about her? Move on...

[TexAggie1]

Why are you STILL spending time thinking about her? Move on...

I'm not a robot, I wish there was a switch I could turn off.

[Cerby]

I'm not a robot, I wish there was a switch I could turn off.

You're right, but take comfort in the fact that there are millions of people around the world recovering from broken hearts and emotional distress from f*cking up a good thing. The further you distance yourself from her, and from thinking about her, the sooner you'll move on.

It gets better, it just takes time.

[TexAggie1]

Is "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" just a cute phrase, or is there something to it?

[searock]

There is something to it if absence is not due to either of the two persons' decision. You chose to broke up with each other. Go no contact and teach yourself how to be happy by yourself.

[TexAggie1]

She was over at my place a few days after the breakup, picking up some of her stuff. We talked for a bit, then she started crying, hugging me, and saying "why did you do this to us?". She loved me (maybe still does), but she can't get over what happened 8 months ago...and in her mind can't have a relationship with someone she doesn't trust. I can only assume that she is bitter now, not wanting to revisit getting back together, because she's been overthinking the situation.

I asked that question because honestly, this situation is NOT worth breaking a relationship over. Yes, I lied to her on several occasions 7 months ago to not bring her into the drama of me ending a 6 year relationship with my ex (again, we weren't dating when I met Jenn). The result was always going to be the same in severing that relationship, whether I told her or not...it was NEVER about keeping that relationship alive. The last 7 months have been INCREDIBLE, and SHE is the one that initiated all the marriage, move in, kids talks. She ended it because she tried to get over it, and couldn't after 7 months. Her horrible past as a child as made her very jaded when it comes to trusting people, and it's worked into our relationship (my fault of course).

My HOPE is over time, with no contact...the negative will tend to fade, while who I REALLY am as the person she fell in love with will be realized.

[searock]

Stop hoping. It's over, accept it. You need to move on.

[smackie9]

If she isn't open to work through this, then you are better off.

[IndiReloaded]

She was over at my place a few days after the breakup, picking up some of her stuff. We talked for a bit, then she started crying, hugging me, and saying "why did you do this to us?". She loved me (maybe still does), but she can't get over what happened 8 months ago...and in her mind can't have a relationship with someone she doesn't trust. I can only assume that she is bitter now, not wanting to revisit getting back together, because she's been overthinking the situation.

I asked that question because honestly, this situation is NOT worth breaking a relationship over. Yes, I lied to her on several occasions 7 months ago to not bring her into the drama of me ending a 6 year relationship with my ex (again, we weren't dating when I met Jenn). The result was always going to be the same in severing that relationship, whether I told her or not...it was NEVER about keeping that relationship alive. The last 7 months have been INCREDIBLE, and SHE is the one that initiated all the marriage, move in, kids talks. She ended it because she tried to get over it, and couldn't after 7 months. Her horrible past as a child as made her very jaded when it comes to trusting people, and it's worked into our relationship (my fault of course).

My HOPE is over time, with no contact...the negative will tend to fade, while who I REALLY am as the person she fell in love with will be realized.

You are one clueless guy. The major problem from where I sit is *you* don't know how to communicate (Jenn seems quite clear in stating her needs). Your MO seems to be 'hide head in sand and hope situation will resolve'. I was married to a man like you, and its major heartache for the woman who is constantly trying to guess WTF you are thinking and compensating for the hurt you cause her. "But I didn't mean to hurt you!" is a constant refrain with guys like you. But in the end, your attitude and lack of communication skill DOES hurt her. She is absolutely right to leave you. She may love you, but love isn't enough for a stable relationship. Here are some examples that will hopefully wake you up:

1. You couldn't communicate to your ex she needed to get her shit and go.

2. You couldn't tell your ex you *didn't* love her and she needed to move on.

3. You couldn't tell Jenn that you *did* want to move in, but that you felt the timing was wrong b/c of moving house.

+ many other examples I see here in your posts.

Another man, one with communication skills, would have handled those situations very differently. Instead of chasing your ex and driving her crazy (she will only learn to despise you), I suggest you pick up some books on communication and learn to be more assertive.

[TexAggie1]

As hard as that is to read, you're not the first one to tell me that. I try to minimize confrontation in my life, and I attempted to with my ex...especially knowing what would have happened if I told her about Jenn. It was young in Jenn and I's relationship, and I didn't yet have the confidence in her to handle what my ex would do when she found out about her. Thought it would push her away. I'm not making excuses, as I've said multiple times...I was wrong, and I hate myself for it. I took Jenn for granted, thought she'd always be there...and now I feel that I've lost her.

Since the breakup, I have for the most part practiced no contact. She has reached out to me multiple times, which has given me the hope that she still thinks of me. I haven't reached out to her in 2 weeks, and don't plan on it.

[IndiReloaded]

Relationships are the mirrors in which we learn about Self.

Yes, you've lost her. Deal with it and the reasons why if you want to avoid repeating history. Up to you. Good luck.

[TexAggie1]

If you really read my story...and word gets out to her that I have a "for sale" sign in my front yard, will that make much difference to her? I wasn't just talk, I actually meant it and put it into action. I actually had a thought of sending her a picture text of the for sale sign with a message ""As I promised, I wasn't making excuses"...but thought that might be too forced.

[smackie9]

Why are we even still talking about this. She made her decision to not trust you, and to stay away from ever having a relationship with you. IMO if she can't get over something that happened 8 months ago then she is not stable enough to work through the issues that come up in a relationship. So like I said, you are better off she bailed. Stop poking at this, yes it's dead, done, over.....she isn't going to change her mind.....let it go and move on.