Not fun enough for a girl..

[Love'sReject]

Money is a tool. When dating, you can keep your cards pretty close to your chest re: income. That shouldn't be an issue, especially if you date women who are self-supporting.

Or, for many, many women, it's an end, and saps are the means. I'd rather be single and never having done the deed for my entire life then be conned by one of those golddigging chicks.

[IndiReloaded]

While I'm not a believer in any 'cosmic consciousness' or magical thinking, I do think there is some truth that your thoughts dictate what you achieve in life.

Law of Attraction?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_attraction

[Love'sReject]

Reminds me of synchronicity. But no, I don't feel that is the case; otherwise, one could strain real hard thinking until they're red as a constipated fat guy and magically overcome all their problems.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm referring to expectations for yourself. If you expect you deserve a nice woman partner, then you are more likely to act and do things that will move you toward that goal.

If you want to continue to dump on yourself, then that's what you'll get.

[Love'sReject]

Isn't it better to be more self-criticizing than arrogant?

[IndiReloaded]

Arrogance is born of insecurity, at least I think so. I don't like the term 'criticizing'. I think the exercise is to become more self-aware. We should be kind to ourselves while being honest about our needs and where our weaknesses are. I once published an essay called 'paths to growth', which is something I always thought that good partners should provide to each other. I'll see if I can find it in the archive but the name alone should provide some food for thought.

[IndiReloaded]

LOL, well I can't find my post about this but I did find this (originally for me from Misombra). Good times:

[Love'sReject]

^LOL..and just as I finished my daily reading of "The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire": that just furthers The Fall of the Brief American Empire Into Further Degeneracy... >.<

That seems like something of us Mexicans do for our young'uns' b-day parties: hiring cheap costumed characters that perform crude dances.

[Love'sReject]

Well, I'm just counting the gardener as my surrogate father, since my black daddy left when he found out my mom was preggo.

[IndiReloaded]

Here you go. The question was asked in the context of friends becoming lovers (which I happen to think is the best kind of relationship):

How do ppl continue being friends while being more? You do all the same things you did as friends: have fun, communicate, share ideas and experiences. But when you LOVE that person, in addition to being their friend, you help them GROW. Help them to become the best person they can be, and in so doing, you grow yourself. And they help you in return. You BECOME with such a partner. And ppl who are friends and beccome lovers have the best chance of making this happen, IMO, b/c the basic elements of trust, compatibility, respect, common values and goals are already in place. Doesn't matter what you call it.

In terms of the meaning of "growth":
I think one of the most powerful areas has to do with learning to _really_ see oneself as you are, strengths and faults, and having a partner who will help you to realize the whats and whys of those. A loving mirror, so to speak. A really good relationship will have partners who are aware enough of themselves, and each other, to be able to help provide such "paths to growth" in those areas. Its similar to "self discovery", except that you do this together, with and for the other, rather than alone.

Enjoy the ride.

[Love'sReject]

Thanks for sharing, Indi. The other day I asked about codependency: I guess one of the more subtle aspects of that or at least I didn't make it apparent enough was a relationship exactly as you describe, "growth" and whatnot.

[IndiReloaded]

What I'm describing isn't codependency. Its the polar opposite, in fact.

[Love'sReject]

What I'm describing isn't codependency. Its the polar opposite, in fact.

..or is it? o.0

What you were describing is pretty similar with my ideal romance, a transcendent love where it isn't just about the relationship but growing together.

[IndiReloaded]

There is no control or manipulation in what I describe. The key is the mutual giving is voluntary and appreciated as such. We really are birds free to fly at any time. Its a gift, to be loved like this. Not everyone will appreciate it, or is mature enough to handle it. Keep looking.

[Love'sReject]

I didn't say there was control or manipulation in what you described. It actually quite matched my vision of love.