My Friend belives that I have Sex with another guy

[shh!]

Too late, RB. Been there. Done that.

All in all, I believe abusive behavior begins in very subtle ways LONG before most recognize it as such. Be that as it may, in the case of the initial post, the guy is, by definition, being abusive: "to hurt or injure by maltreatment, ill use" (American Heritage Dictionary, Third Edition).

It says hurt or injure, which I take to mean in a physical sense, not emotional.

[whaywardj]

It dosen't say that, Shh!, but you're free to interpret it in any way you wish.

[Junsui]

woa , isnt that pushing the limits , i mean even a person with down syndrome would get away from that type of relationship .

is asking where she was considered abusive ? me ex used to say yes , my current gf says that it lets her know that i care about her ...

i dont ask in a mean way " hey B itch , where were you !!!??? ... )
its more like "so how was your day ? anything interesting happened to you ?"
or variations of that .

No LV, asking how someone's day was and what they did is not abuse lol.

[shh!]

It dosen't say that, Shh!, but you're free to interpret it in any way you wish.

That is my point: it is all in interpretation, your definition as well as mine. I think whether or not one feels this is "abuse" has more to do with their own psychology, as there is no objective line which divides manipulation from abuse.

But overall, who cares? If one feels like they are being abused, they ought to move on.

[whaywardj]

Well. I didn't say "objective." I said "by definition." Not mine, btw. Let's you and I just agree to disagree and return our attention to the OP's issues.

[Mish]

Well. I didn't say "objective." I said "by definition." Not mine, btw. Let's you and I just agree to disagree and return our attention to the OP's issues.

I think OP has fled. And even if she didn't it does not look like she is listening to any advice, just repeats various variations of what she thinks might be the problem. It's how you say in OP's native Ukranian "Goes in one ear and out of the other"

Besides, your argument brings way more life to this thread

[whaywardj]

I sometimes think Shh! likes to argue just for the sake of arguing. Or, maybe, it's just that she likes to take exception to anything I say.

In any case, it appears you're right, Mishanya. The OP appears to have left the building.

[Rosebud]

LOL... I can agree with you Hayward on the levels of abuse. For a second, I thought you were the one starting the arguement and then running away..

[whaywardj]

For me, abuse runs along a spectrum, beginning with mental (e.g., verbal) abuse, then going to emotional (e.g., manipulation) abuse, then, finally, to physical abuse. An abuser reads one's tolerating any expression of it at the lower, "softer" end of the spectrum as tacit acceptance one will also tolerate expressions at the higher, "harder" end.

[whaywardj]

Incidentally, I, somewhow, got the distinct impression that posting as she did, the OP was, actually, here to "husband shop." There was something just a bit off about her comments.

[Vika]

Incidentally, I, somewhow, got the distinct impression that posting as she did, the OP was, actually, here to "husband shop." There was something just a bit off about her comments.

sorry i coudn`t follow the discussion quite some time. but i have read all of your commants. thank you.
by the way could you explain the expression "husband shop" to me

[shh!]

Vika - do you feel you are being "abused" or is he simply insecure?

[Junsui]

Why did you join a marriage agency thing?

[shh!]

If one considers marriage a contractual arrangement, then I don't think it matters. I assume both people are expecting this to not be a marriage of passionate, romantic love, but rather based on mutual affection at best.

[Junsui]

Yeah, so who cares if she really loves him or not?