I'm in So much pain, please help.

[Hugo Pickle]

Well then fine then, make that going out and hitting on other chicks thing more than once a week. Remember she is the one who did you wrong. She is the one who out of the blue went as saw her ex. Now she went and did it again, but you foolishly told her too. That's no excuse though, she was probably going to see him again anyway.

Remember in my first post that I said it sounds like you got too into this girl before she was totally into you? Well, I still stand by that. You kind of came on pretty strong there. You totally put her on the spot and demanded her to make her choice on the phone with you. Learn from this that whenever you do that they will usually get pissed and not want to talk with you. You can't angrily demand that they make a choice, the choice will most often be not you, even if they really would choose you they will say no simply because you demanded an answer.

My guess is that she started seeing her ex and losing interest in you because you showed your hand too soon. I think that you were not a challenge anymore, I think you gave in to her too much. I think that when she said jump, then sometimes you said, how high. But all is not lost even now. What you have to do is what we all have been telling you from the get go.

You have to be a challenge, have more self control, and develop more confidence. here is the breakdown.

Control
a. Never get rattled or uptight
b. Comic charmer not Silent Brooder.
c. Do not let her control you
d. You control yourself

you practice self control by thinking before you react to what is going on. If it was a war then that’s different, but this is dating and women so it is the opposite of war. in dating and women you have to take your time before you react. Think chess, not ping pong.

Challenge
a. Patience
b. Do not let her control you
c. Exciting, sometimes because of inaction
d. She doesn’t know where you stand in the relationship.

You practice being a challenge by making yourself unavailable for every little thing. you also do what you want and plan your life instead of simply thinking every day is a day spent with her just doing whatever. Focus on you, your life, your friends, and of course, your women. You are not married so don't act like it. Play the field until you find a girlfriend and even when you have a girlfriend still see other women as friends. Never lose your black book until you tie the knot.

Confidence
a. Do not give in to ultimatums
b. she will test you, pass them, don’t simply refuse to play the game.

You practice this by cherishing your success. You got this girl once right? hey, chalk it up as a partial success, not a total failure. Have some confidence and pull it out when you need some.

When you are dating other women remember not to get all into them until they are into you. And even then keep them guessing on where you stand, never pour your heart out on paper or some sappy phone message. It makes for good drama on tv, but in reality it only makes you look weak most of the time. When you are dating those other girls focus on evaluating them for the following things

What you should be looking for in her?
1. Integrity (honesty, does what she says)
2. Giving (does things for you)
3. Supportive
4. Unstructured (doesn’t have inflexible perceptions of life)(freedom)
5. High interest in you.

Calm down most of all and take it one day at a time. You have many years left to find the perfect girl, and when you think you found her, then you will learn that no one is perfect. Everyone has faults, everyone screws up, even the so called perfect girl that you thought you had, and yes even you.

[theotherguy0123]

I could almost swear I read part of that info from somewhere else too.

[Hugo Pickle]

And don't forget to work out every day. Physical fitness is so important it is impossible to calculate the benifits

[MastaPDiddy]

ok she said she is calling me tonight...what if i said this to her
"take time, figure yourself out, don't string me along. Do'nt even think about calling me unless you either have a reason to call me, or you know what you want. Until then, I've just made you and i officially single...even though Ive been feeling like we were single for the past few days"

also what if she doesnt call...i need to end this tonight...call her and if she doesnt answer leave her a voicemail...one telling her we are breaking up?

[vashti]

C'mon now, diddy! Surely you can think of one or two things on your own, can't you? Jeez, what are you going to do when it's time to have sex? Ask the girl to wait while you check with the online people for directions?

[theotherguy0123]

C'mon now, diddy! Surely you can think of one or two things on your own, can't you? Jeez, what are you going to do when it's time to have sex? Ask the girl to wait while you check with the online people for directions?

aww thats mean lol.

[Hugo Pickle]

No No no

You are supposed to treat her like a regular girl. you do not have to break up with her. You were supposed to play it cool.

Just ask about other things, set up a time to go do something. Do not talk to her anymore about all this crap. Just try to keep things light and funny. You were never supposed to get pissed about all of this. You were never supposed to give her an ultimatum. You were not supposed to break up with her or demand her to make a choice now.

Just date her like you used to and try to forget that all this blow up talking thing never happened. When she called just be cool and try to set up a date to meet, not to talk but to have a good time. Why are you getting so strung out over this right now. Calm down and relax. You need to go to bed and get your mind back you are lost right now.

[MastaPDiddy]

she called me....we've been talking for an hour. Basically she keeps telling me about how her life sucks and how she wants to kill herself and shit. I didn't buy into it. i told her that if she needed me, she knows where to find me. I said when you are no longer confused, call me. Until then, you and I are single. Goodnight.

Then I hung up and she called back and left a voicemail saying "glad you ignored me the fact is i DO love you and i DO want to be with you, but you just hurt me too much, so i guess we really are over. Do me a favor and stop hurting me"

End of it. Now im going to bed. I know you guys said don't completely end it, but the fact is that as much as i love her....she could have been so much more...the girl i loved had potential..the girl i broke up with was a shadow of the girl i once knew...and i will not settle for anything less than the girl that walked up to and asked for her number.

[Bluevetteracer]

You drove her off, and pressured her.

Have you noticed every time you have ended it, she calls, or contacts you in someway to let you know that you are the reason?

You did not have to end it, but you had to end your contact with her for longer then a day.

This is going to hurt, but learn from this.

She has lost respect for you from your actions. Your calling, texting, etc added to her confusion.

Like I said, 2 or 3 years from now, you will look back on this, and the only thing you will care about is how you acted, and you acted like a child. And that is the only thing you will be sore about.

You must learn to preserve your self respect, dignity, and your personal boundaries. If you don't nobody else will.

[vashti]

He's not going to listen. Haven't you guys noticed? He never does...

[MastaPDiddy]

You drove her off, and pressured her.

Have you noticed every time you have ended it, she calls, or contacts you in someway to let you know that you are the reason?

You did not have to end it, but you had to end your contact with her for longer then a day.

This is going to hurt, but learn from this.

She has lost respect for you from your actions. Your calling, texting, etc added to her confusion.

Like I said, 2 or 3 years from now, you will look back on this, and the only thing you will care about is how you acted, and you acted like a child. And that is the only thing you will be sore about.

You must learn to preserve your self respect, dignity, and your personal boundaries. If you don't nobody else will.

I don't understand. I kind of left it open to her as to whether or not we will get back together. I didnt give her any ultimatums i just said "look take the time and get unconfused and dont call me until then". At the same time i made it clear we were single....whats wrong with this?

[ngwasuma]

she called me....we've been talking for an hour. Basically she keeps telling me about how her life sucks and how she wants to kill herself and shit. I didn't buy into it. i told her that if she needed me, she knows where to find me. I said when you are no longer confused, call me. Until then, you and I are single. Goodnight.

Then I hung up and she called back and left a voicemail saying "glad you ignored me the fact is i DO love you and i DO want to be with you, but you just hurt me too much, so i guess we really are over. Do me a favor and stop hurting me"

End of it. Now im going to bed. I know you guys said don't completely end it, but the fact is that as much as i love her....she could have been so much more...the girl i loved had potential..the girl i broke up with was a shadow of the girl i once knew...and i will not settle for anything less than the girl that walked up to and asked for her number.

Be a gentleman. Call her and talk to her nicely - LISTEN to her then you will get all the answers you are looking for.

[blackiesharley]

I think the problem is this.... (And before I start I want you to know that I'm NOT ragging on ya, in fact you seem a lot like me as I've stated before but I've learned a lot about myself and have worked/grown through issues.)

Dude, you want an INSTANT (repeat INSTANT!!!) answer. Is she madly in love with you and wants to spend the rest of her life with in married bliss you raising fat little babies and a home in the country with dogs? I dunno know, BUT she's said she loves you, what more do you want at this moment? Yeah, I know, an instant answer.

You gotta chill out....De-pressurize the situation. Smoke a joint, have a drink, get laid by some other girl or something....RELAX! All rivers take different courses but they ALL end in up in the ocean eventually.

Later the panic factor. Guess what? It may work out in the long run. And don't forget... be the person that you were when you first met that she (by her own admission) loves.

Stay strong.

[Tone]

Seriously, Masta you could really mess this situation up, like many of us have in the past. OR you could reread, and seriously consider the advice, mainly of Bluevette, and really take the time to let it sink in. The man knows what he's talking about.

*sigh*

If only you had listened Masta...

You drove her off, and pressured her.

Have you noticed every time you have ended it, she calls, or contacts you in someway to let you know that you are the reason?

You did not have to end it, but you had to end your contact with her for longer then a day.

This is going to hurt, but learn from this.

She has lost respect for you from your actions. Your calling, texting, etc added to her confusion.

Like I said, 2 or 3 years from now, you will look back on this, and the only thing you will care about is how you acted, and you acted like a child. And that is the only thing you will be sore about.

You must learn to preserve your self respect, dignity, and your personal boundaries. If you don't nobody else will.

Again, I agree with Bluevette... you should listen to what he's saying.

[vashti]

He Doesn"t Listen!!