Divorce On The Verge

[GrkScorp]

Yes, enough of this Jedi talk.. once you're done with the Dark Side.. let's talk Pixie...

Pixie is right... 5.5 years.. let me tell you something big guy.. if you're with someone for more than 3 years.. you either love that person.. or you're just afraid to break up with them...

Now, you are of the first kind... (no Bunty aur Bubbli rip off I swear)..

What you need to do.. is get yourself back together and thinking strait again..

She's not leaving you.. for god sake.. she went from not talking to you, on the verge of leaving... to talking to you again.. to spending time with you to do stuff...

I'm not saying that it's not going to take work.. it will.. maybe months... maybe even a year... but you should both see results fast... by the week...

It's important to realize that you both are on the verge here... not just one person... YOU BOTH HAVE A PROBLEM...

She is depressed, but now so are you.. and what your problem was to begin with is that you could not deal with her in that state... You need to learn how to adjust yourself to meet her needs, and she also needs to learn to adjust herself a littlebit as well..

I strongly urge you both to read this tread together one day... If you are both reading up to here.. then.. this marks the point from where the thread started.. (both angry and confused at eachother and ready to call it all off)... to slowly comming to sences with a bit of silly noise still in the backround... lol.. but starting to work things out... One day.. nobody will even think about this thread anymore.. that is the day both of you are aiming for... Don't forget.. You both love eachother.. that is why you are BOTH making an effort to work this out... You are BOTH a wreck without the other... I wish you both the best of luck on this.. and really hope it all works out... I know it will...

[NeoSeminole]

It takes two people to make a marriage work. The thread starter has been trying to get back together with his wife for the last few months. She keeps telling him she's not in love with him. She just wants to be friends. She is also talking to her ex boyfriend. There is only so much a man can take. At least he can honestly say he tried to work things out. How much more torture must he endure? To what extent must he go while his wife does absolutely nothing to repair their marriage? Even if they end up together again, how will things play out in the future? His wife will basically know she owns him by the balls.

[GrkScorp]

Look.. first of all.. ALL WOMEN THINK THEY OWN THEIR MAN BY THE BALLS..


Some are right... others are dead wrong...

However.. This is someone who he really loves.. who he has built great communication with.. and... also someone who is going through a tough time right now...

When you get married.. or start any kind of serious relationship.. part of the "job" if you will.. is to help out your partner when they are in need.

I know he has tried getting her back.. and she has refused... fine..

BUT.. what he didn't bother doing.. is digging deep enough to find out if she really doesn't love him anymore.. or if this is just some confused phase of her life..

Why is everyone so quick to let the other person go???

[NeoSeminole]

keeptrying says:

"She tells me that she is not in love with me but she still loves me as a friend. To top it all off she started seeing her exboyfriend from 6 years ago. Today I tried to talk to her about what we can do---and she just would not budge."

"I asked her to please respect our marriage and me to not see this ex bf. Basically she told me to not tell her what to do---and I'm so controlling."

"Why when I ask if she wants to be in this anymore --she saids not right now---can't see just say no already."

"I've being working on my issues very greatly. I've being going to the councilor reading books and tonnes more. The thing is she is not putting any effort towards this at all---which most likely means she does not care to make the marriage work."

"Not sure what to do ---I keep getting the signs that my wife wants to come back---but then bam---she turns face and saids she needs space. It seems everyday she has a different outlook."

"Tonight I was over and we were talking about stuff. It all kind of went crap when I left she told me as of right now she feels she can only be friends with me (wtf we are married still)."

He's been trying to work things out for the last few months. I'm sure he's asked her why she doesn't love him anymore. It's not exactly a profound question that only you thought of. He's done everything he can to save his marriage. There is only so much a man can take. Why should he continue torturing himself while his wife does absolutely nothing to repair their marriage?

Let's just say they do work things out. How will he know if the reason she took him back is out of pitty or b/c she really loves him? It sounds to me like he keeps getting more and more desparate. Even if they end up together, she will never look at him the same again.

[keeptrying]

News for everybody. My wife is back in my life. She has not moved home yet and said forsure but we are working to resolve our issues. We have being hanging out going to councilling, kissing, talking about the furture, etc. I knew from day one that there was still hope---somewhere just took a bit of time. Maybe it won't work out in the long run, at least we can say we tried and we won't regret the fact 10 years down the road that we should of tried it or wonder what would of happened if we got back together.
One thing is clawing at me is this ex bf---I knew they did stuff together after we where seperated. She told me lastnight that she had sex with him twice and that she hates herself for it. I've read numerous articles of married couples getting over this and moving on with there marriages--but now I wonder if my love is strong enough to work through this crap. She has not seen him for about three to four weeks about the time she kind of started coming back to me. In addition she tells me that she does not like him like she thought she might of.
What mess did I get myself into. Not in a million years I thought my life would wonder off on this beaten path---I guess that is why life is so interesting, full of unexpected surprises.
Lastnight after listening to her tell me about the sex with the ex for some reason emotions did not take over, trying to evaluate without the tears and anger getting in the way. A clear mind is the only real way to make a clear decision that should stick.
In addition to the ex issue, there is going to be the family issue---you know the saying marry someone--you marry thier family as well.
That is my life situation as at the moment.

Thank you everybody so far for all the support.

[keeptrying]

Just another update.

Just took a long trip as my wife's grandma died. I wanted to support her. The death was very unexpected and sudden.
We are working on reconnecting with each other and so far it seems to be going good. There are still times when it is very difficult. She still has not decided if she fully attends on coming back, this is very hard as she talks to others like we are a couple and talks about future plans together. Don't want to push her--but how am I suppose to know if it is going to really work if she is not fully back and living with me?

[Gigabitch]

You want definite answers about stuff. She can only give you a maybe. I'm glad you're in counseling- it will help if you hear how differently you both see this situation.

You have the patience of a saint. Are you on Lithium?

[keeptrying]

You want definite answers about stuff. She can only give you a maybe. I'm glad you're in counseling- it will help if you hear how differently you both see this situation.

You have the patience of a saint. Are you on Lithium?

Some days I wish I was taking some kind of drug.

[keeptrying]

I think my patience as come to an end. Lastnight my wife or soon to be ex took a complete turn and said she wants to be by herself right now and buy her own place. She can not tell me for sure if she wants to be with me. I guess I have to find out if she is not telling me to protect me, or if she still believes it will still work out.
Seems like I'm putting too much effort into this. Not sure what others may think but honestly how much mental angusih can one endure. I'm pretty darn sure there are other girls out there that would just love to be with me. I know that I married for a reason, this girl was my soulmate that has turned into something very confusing.

[NeoSeminole]

hmmm, told you so?

[Gigabitch]

Seems like I'm putting too much effort into this. Not sure what others may think but honestly how much mental angusih can one endure. I'm pretty darn sure there are other girls out there that would just love to be with me. I know that I married for a reason, this girl was my soulmate that has turned into something very confusing.

Evidently, you're trying to find out. Don't you have some kind of limit?

[keeptrying]

Evidently, you're trying to find out. Don't you have some kind of limit?

That is the thing don't know my limit---it just seems that she does not want to give up either. It is really strange whenever she pulls away it is usually after she talks to someone about our relationship---it all these ppl she talks to have being divorced.

[keeptrying]

Boy its being a whilsince I've being on here.

Happy to say that we have being back together since september.

Things are going ok and we are working things out---I will keep posted either way.

Thank you for all the Advice.

TTYALLSoon

[keeptrying]

A whole year later and yes our relationship is broken again.

She once again moved out.

I gave it my best but there is only so much a guy can do.

She still says she loves me but is not in love me----whatever that means!

That is the thing seems like some people like to just give up so easily these days---haven't they heard that marriage/relationships take work---that goggle eye poppy dog love doesn't last forever and as we mature the love for one another grows differently---progression of life as we get older.

I'm 31 and I've seen tonnes of relationships end for causes that could of being avoided.
In a bunch of cases the damage is too much which could of being avoided and the victims realize that the grass sure is brown on the other side of the fence.
If things don't work out for my wife and I which seems doubtful, I sure hope to meet somebody in the future that feels the same about dedication towards a relationship. Just my .02$

For me this second seperation in the last year I don't feel as depressed and down on myself--maybe it is a sign that my love is fading fast for her.

ONce again Thanks everybody

[Gigabitch]

For me this second seperation in the last year I don't feel as depressed and down on myself--maybe it is a sign that my love is fading fast for her.

Looks like you finally found your limit.

At least now you know. Sorry, dude.