It's been 5 years still did not forgive

[vashti]

I think Frenchie has "battered woman syndrome". You should look into some counseling, Frenchie.

[FrenchMaid]

If you're coming here asking us to agree with you and give you support, telling you to hang in there etc, then you named your thread wrong.

You were asking for advice, people gave it to you. I'll spell it out. YOU ARE IN A DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP.

For your own sake and the sake of your child, get the hell out of it find someone better.

Alternatively, if you are determined to try, stop beating around the damn bush and have a heart to heart with your husband/boyfriend etc - talk about everything in detail, get it out in the open, and reach an agreement.

I wasn't being sarcastic about the fact that he was beating you - I realize that he is and that makes it even worse.

I'm just baffled how people like you and your husband can make a mockery of the concept of love and family for 19 years yet others who are compassionate and understanding to one another are robbed of their lives. Guess they mean it when they say life isn't fair.

I am not coming here to asking people to agree with you and give you support, telling you to hang in there etc I came here to try to find out why is it so hard for him to forgive someone...i am not asking you to take my side or anything like that...really you are aloud your own opinion...

And the comment about I'm just baffled how people like you and your husband can make a mockery of the concept of love and family for 19 years yet others who are compassionate and understanding to one another are robbed of their lives. Guess they mean it when they say life isn't fair don't tell me about robbed of their lives... i think i had my shear of that my dad was a good person.. but he any there anymore...

[zro]

you are right, i dont know you and dont know of your situation, i am saddened about hearing about you being raped (hope they caught the bastard and ass raped him with a cricket bat so he would get a taste of his own medicine), hope you had some help with that, i havent been raped but i would think being assaulted by your husband would not help the situation

Ultimately this is something that you know best, as said before i am not a ****ing psychic - have you considered marriage counselling?? i have never been married or stayed with someone who has cheated on me (i have been cheated on, but i dumped her straight away) so i am inexperienced in this department, all i know as someone who has been cheated on, trust becomes a major issue and is constantly on your mind, eg will she cheat again??, maybe constant reassurance would work, but that would take a lot of hard work on your behalf - have you or him ever considered that maybe your cheating was caused indirectly by him beating up on you?? your best bet is to have a long civilised talk with him, with no anger to cloud your judgment

If your husband EVER hits you OR your son, get the **** out as soon as possible, to be honest i am quite uneasy for you to stay with him, even though he has stopped hitting you for the time being as you both would know he is capable of doing it again, it's really up to you, if you love him enough and trust him enough to try and work it out, then go for it, seek professional help, if not its best to leave and minimise the damage done to both you and your son

hope it all works out

[FrenchMaid]

you are right, i dont know you and dont know of your situation, i am saddened about hearing about you being raped (hope they caught the bastard and ass raped him with a cricket bat so he would get a taste of his own medicine), hope you had some help with that, i havent been raped but i would think being assaulted by your husband would not help the situation

Ultimately this is something that you know best, as said before i am not a ****ing psychic - have you considered marriage counselling?? i have never been married or stayed with someone who has cheated on me (i have been cheated on, but i dumped her straight away) so i am inexperienced in this department, all i know as someone who has been cheated on, trust becomes a major issue and is constantly on your mind, eg will she cheat again??, maybe constant reassurance would work, but that would take a lot of hard work on your behalf - have you or him ever considered that maybe your cheating was caused indirectly by him beating up on you?? your best bet is to have a long civilised talk with him, with no anger to cloud your judgment

If your husband EVER hits you OR your son, get the **** out as soon as possible, to be honest i am quite uneasy for you to stay with him, even though he has stopped hitting you for the time being as you both would know he is capable of doing it again, it's really up to you, if you love him enough and trust him enough to try and work it out, then go for it, seek professional help, if not its best to leave and minimise the damage done to both you and your son

hope it all works out

Yes i did have so help but it still hunt me days after days... its hard and suck...for a long time i just wanted to crawl in a hole and stay there and died... but i had to do different for my kids...

Yes I have been to marriage counselling at first i ask him, and he did not want too... so i went on my own.. then i told me that i probably say all kind of bad stuff about him.. and really i did not i really feel guilty about what i have done trust me.. but anyway i told him that if he wanted he could come... he did for one time.. that was it.. he told me that was all bull shit...
I return without him after... the counselling who was with me told me that after she meet him she realise that he was manipuliting me a lots and that he put all this on my back that it was all my fault what happen... but NO there is 2 people in a relationship... and sometime its a lack of communication and belive me before it happen i try many time to talk with him, but he was too busy with his other friends.. and did gave much shit about stuff i wanted to do or stuff i wanted to talk about ....he told the counsellor that he wanted me to get hypnotise so he could know the true.. then she realise that this was too much he was too pushy and unstead to try to rectified the problem he was trying to dig in the pass....

No i won't let him hit me again and i told him that... because the last time it was pretty bad...

ZRO... I try to talk to him... really but it always come out to... "what did you do, who started, how long, you **** him i know, how many times.." he just dig in the pass other to try to find out why, why where was the lack in the relationship... and yes i might be because of that.. and also that he had never make me feel like a women, and gave me compliment ect... its was all related to sex.. oh i gave you 3somes with him.. well **** i did not want to do this.. he pressure me... non stop to a time that i was so sick of it i said fine....
anyway.. i don't know... its almost the weekend hope that it will better then last week...

Sorry I almost wrote a dam BOOK

THANKS FOR THE ADVISE

[FrenchMaid]

the trust... i really think that i come way before me... way before me, in his life time... because when i meet him he never trusted anyone...
It really be nice if he goes for counselling on his own.. so he can talk about his child hood....but that's up to him...

[anachronistic]

wow, this thread is going to get locked.

[Gigabitch]

the trust... i really think that i come way before me... way before me, in his life time... because when i meet him he never trusted anyone...
It really be nice if he goes for counselling on his own.. so he can talk about his child hood....but that's up to him...

Then don't credit your actions for his behavior. He hit you because he's an asshole, not because of your cheating.

And zro's right- they're separate incidents. Neither makes the other any less bad.

Ready for some sharing? Okay.

My parents had an ugly, violent relationship that poisoned my childhood completely. If you think your son is so stupid he can't see that you're being mistreated, you should think again. Your husband may be "cleaver", but your son is too. Count on it.

What you are doing is drawing him a blueprint for how a relationship should be. His future relationships are going to be all ****ed up because you can't pull yourself out of the cesspool you call a marriage. Three words for you: years of therapy. The worst part is that your son is going to despise you for being a Victim By Choice when he works all of this out.

Take some responsibility for what's happening in your life. Your husband is 100% to blame for hitting you. You are 100% to blame for staying with him.

You ****ing idiot.

I have no sympathy whatsoever for you. You are NOT the victim here. You are a perpetrator of a dysfunctional, violent relationship. Shame on you.

[MrGamma]

I got the same problem... I have never held a grudge against somebody for such a length of time... don't let it bother you... you need to feel good about yourself and that is all that matters.

Don't let someone keep you from feeling good about yourself... because who are we kidding... that's exactly what it's about... it's not about breaking a trust factor... you made your boyfriend feel like shit... and now they're making you feel like shit... it is a sad imbalance indeed... people often overlook other peoples feelings usually when they are being extremely greedy about their own...