Seriously, how to approach a stranger girl

[GrkScorp]

It looks like Grk lies to a lot of women. Bad karma.

Why is it lying? It's not like I sit there and tell them "I love you" in exchange for sex..

on the contrary, that's exactly what I don't do..

It's not "lying".. and that's a bad way to think of it, simply because that's not what it is.. NYC courting is throwing female tactics and games, right back at women.. but now all of a sudden (hey, that's manipulative and not nice, it's "lying".. double standards).. give me a break.. but anyway, that's an other story, for an other time, for an other thread..

You pass strangers every day.. they are all doing things, wearing things, things that at this point you may consider ordinary. To add to this, you lack motivation to go over and talk to them; (in actuality, you don't!)

You actually DO have motivation to go over and talk to them; when you go over and talk, conversation creates those "feel-good" chemicals in your brain PLUS allows you to train your social intuition and social instincts. This positive aspect is often dwarfed by fear of awkwardness, which in turn create excuses like (I don't want to "bother" him/her, I don't want to seem weird, I don't want to intrude, I don't want to be rude, etc)

It's exactly this mentality that you have to get over (i'm talking to the guys).. There IS no social awkwardness.. people love to meet new people and have a great time; (given, you do not come off as a threat, and you can provide them with a great time)

That's really all it takes..

1. You shouldn't be the guy who looks around the room and "scans" like a predator, or the guy who comes over and clearly shows interest in someone, because that makes people uncomfortable, and they don't want to meet people, much less talk to them if they make them uncomfortable.

2. You should provide some reason/motive for them to want to talk to you. Ask yourself "If a stranger came up to me, why would I want to talk to them?". The most common wrong answer to this is "because they make me feel good about myself.. aka.. ego boost". That's all swell, but if your goal is good-looking women, they have plenty of ego-stroking every day, so they may enjoy it for a good 15-30 seconds, and then get bored and want you to leave. So an "ego boost" should not be what you provide. Instead it should be "value".. be it humor, talking about business (implying indirectly that you can help them), telling fun and engaging stories, casually asking for their opinion on something, etc.

Once you do this.. you can almost instinctively and instantly spot a reason to talk.. YES! a "REASON".. more like an "EXCUSE" to talk..

Good Excuses:

- :tap shoulder: Are you buying that old-style record for decoration or do you actually listen to it with those old "players"?
- :stop talking, but very slowly start walking and moving towards the direction you were going as you're asking this question, then, as she answers, stop and tilt your body towards the dog: I'm sorry, what kind of dog is that? (for actual results "numbers/dates" use it when someone is sitting down)
- that's a pretty hardcore drink for a goodie-two-shoes like you.
- (If there is something non-ordinary about her to comment on):
--> What does that tattoo mean?
--> Do you make bags or did you get that somewhere?

(try to stay away from commenting on their body or something they're wearing; that's usually something women do exclusively to men when they want to get his attention, so when you do this, you suggest interest, which makes a bad way to start off a conversation, which leads me to the next category..)

Bad Excuses:

- Hey, I noticed you looked pretty bored, I was wondering if you want to come over to our table over there.
- Hi, i'm (Name).. blah blah blah
- Nice shoes! (unless it fits into a very unique opener I use because i'm a CPA; I follow it up with "are they REAL Gucci/etc?".. if they say yes (they usually will, no woman will concede to fake stuff in a social place), then I say "why on earth would you get the real ones? the other ones look exactly the same! I don't know if it's the guy in me or the Accountant in me talking, but when I hear stuff like that, a little part of be dies inside, it's such a criminal waste of money; I don't think we have anything else to talk about if that's the case. :walk away like she just displayed a bad image of herself to you:" this can't fail in either case, because by walking away, you show that you had no intention of hitting on her and that you were very put-off by her when she responded.. AND, most of the time they come chasing after you, "well, the boots are the only thing that is real actually, they were a gift, but everything else I try and get at.. blah blah blah".. OR a "test" to see if this was just an act of your part.. I call it the "BS-test".. sounds something like "how rude! that just means you're cheap, I don't talk to cheap people..".. don't apologize or take back what you said, if you do, you failed the test, instead, stay firm.. "Haha, well, what you call "cheap" I call "good money management", and i'd rather invest the money you spent on those boots where it can grow 1,5,10 years down the line, than to waste them on a pair of black leather shoes with a metalic "G" or "?" on it.. where it's just money down the drain.. especially if I can get the same thing! cheaper!".. this counter-test on your part will test to see if you've hooked her, if you have, she'll say something like "it's not the same thing, it's totally different to get the real thing, you can feel it, and it shows" or "what's the point of investing if you can't enjoy it now?".. the game is on)
- Can I buy you a drink?
- So, what are you doing here tonight? Are you here with anyone?

But again, this is WAY off topic.. the goal for this week is NOT to "hit" on women.. it's to break down the walls, boundries, and barriers holding you back from talking to people in general.. so, start off small, and make small jumps each day.. Just remember, you start from 0 and go to 3 in one day! that's the biggest jump you'll make! as each day passes, the jumps are smaller, so there's no reason you shouldn't be making them! a jump of 3 to 4 is smaller than a jump of 0 to 3.. likewise, a jump from 9 to 10 is smaller than a jump from 3 to 4! (calculate 1/9 vs. 1/3)..

So, forget about getting numbers, getting dates, getting laid, etc.. the ONLY thing that is part of your goal.. is to initiate a conversation with strangers the way I told you to do so.. (don't limit yourself to good-looking women) practice starting a conversation with men, women, old people, young people, good-looking people, not-so-good-looking people, etc..

[okapa]

Do you have any ideas for conversation starters in a concert that don't show interest? Was trying to think of something, but can't find any.

[vashti]

I wish I had the patience to read grk's post so I could pick it apart bit by bit, but alas! I don't.

[GrkScorp]

Do you have any ideas for conversation starters in a concert that don't show interest? Was trying to think of something, but can't find any.

Yeah actually.. a hilarious one at that..

You have to walk around.. but have an iPod on you, with some really large headphones.. hear me out..

So, you can actually walk up to people and break the ice by saying..

"This music sucks!"

Then point to your headphones, close your eyes confidently and smile while pointing to your large headphones.. at this point, as you're about to point, start nodding your head..

It's actually very funny, and it's supposed to be a joke, not something serious.. and at a concert, with a conversation starter like that, even 10's will laugh and open up.. remember, they're already having fun, and you're not comming off as trying to go after them.. you're just going around having fun, and wanted to be funny..

It's usually a great sign if you get asked "what are you listening to?"

But even if you don't remember, it's YOUR role to LEAD the conversation; so don't be lazy, and don't expect anyone else but YOU to do it.. if you don't LEAD, then the conversation will die out, you'll look boring, and they'll want to leave..

That's a good way to start a convo.. something that gets attention.. none of that "excuse me.. i'm sorry.. can I ask you something?" all that translates to is "wussy interested; lose him fast!".. so I guess that would work.. unless you're talking about an orchestra or musical production; in which case, this can backfire and you'd look totally non-classy and like an idiot..

[Off2College]

Grk... I read over your long post in page 3, but I don't think you ever followed up on the "got to go in 2 minutes" line. Once you got her interested, you went to the bathroom??!! what happened to the 2 minutes?

[GrkScorp]

Grk... I read over your long post in page 3, but I don't think you ever followed up on the "got to go in 2 minutes" line. Once you got her interested, you went to the bathroom??!! what happened to the 2 minutes?

They "have to leave in 2 mins".. "can't stay two long".. "I can only stay for a minute or two because I have to get back to.." are all excuses.. but very important..

This is what happens when you initiate a group.. the fact of the matter is; they were doing something, you're a stranger, and it will take some time until you show them you are of high social value (funny, fun, great stories, etc.).. that is what we call the "hook point", that's when the group is "hooked" and they don't want you to leave.. they are having more fun if you'd stay..

But, before you can even stand a chance to "hook", you have to avoid one powerful & deadly sure-shot obsticle.. they are going to be thinking "who is this guy? ugh, when is he going to leave?".. when that question is stuck in their mind.. anything you say will sound like "blah blah" to their ears, and when they are fed up with acting polite so they don't feel rude.. they will start to find some ways to try and leave.. (Examples)

- Girls get up :look at eachother: "we'll be right back, our friend just called us" (they either just leave, or.. some are nice to come back and tell you they have to go.. don't ask for their number.. no point)
- Group starts to talk amung themselves in an effort to lock you out of the conversation.. when you're locked out; you'll feel awkward to jump back in, and eventually it will feel awkward to just stand there with people you don't know, so you'll leave..

So, don't overlook the power of this.. you don't "follow up" on it.. you just put it in there in the very beginning to suggest that you're not going to be there long.. you CAN'T stay too long.. you were on your way out, just about to leave, or you actually have to leave in 2-4 minutes.. All this does is gets the group to feel safe & comfortable with you as they think "ok, this guy is leaving soon anyway..".. and when this happens.. it neutralizes the psychological obsticle.. so you actually get the group's attention and they are listening and engaged in what you're saying..

after 2-3minutes (that's all you have, so make it count, but don't rush, and don't come off as needy, be casual, relaxed, and confident, but at the same time, fun, funny, and interesting).. you're going to be reaching the "hook point".. to "set the hook"; play a quick game for some small meaningless wager.. when you win the game.. instead of asking for your end of the bet, ignore it like it's not a big deal.. and just keep the good vibe going as you have fun explaining to the group how the game works or what the "trick" is.. then start rocking your body and looking around.. if there's a clock in the room, look at it.. if you have a watch on you.. look at it.. (your body-language is basically telling the group that you have to get going, and that you're almost ready to leave).. at this point.. start taking small steps.. then stop.. then take some smaller steps back.. then stop.. you want to give the impression that you're about to leave.. without actually saying anything..

1. If nobody seems to care, and they are indifferent (possibly happy inside), it's ok; you still send the message out to the room that you are a highly social person, confident, and have somewhere better to be than out having a great time.. so you get people using their imagination to paint this cool image of you.. but you've lost the set.. so just say "ok guys, it was really fun meeting you guys.. but I actually really do have to go.. later" (sometimes you mis-calibrate and underestimate yourself.. so what seems like a "lost-set" is more often that you'd think, a group of girls who will jump at you and give you their numbers just before you go.. which leads me to..)

2. "They bit the hook".. this is very apparent when the group doesn't want you to go.. people in the group will give a wide range of cues, some subtle, some all in your face (aww; no don't go; aww common we were having such a good time; wait! do you know any other tricks?; that's a cool bracelet; etc).. at this point; you can just ignore what you said about having to go unless someone brings it up.. which almost never happens after this point.. (but YOU have to be the first one to "have to go" and leave.. remember, it acts as a last chance to get people in the group to ask you for your number or for them to give you their number; have class, never seem needy, you're too social and outgoing to constantly ask for people's numbers, people just give you their numbers naturally, that's the subtle unspoken message you want to convey)

Hint: (Value & More time).. sometimes you'll feel that the group is having a great time, things are going well, but it's nothing too special.. on top of that, you're nearing the 2-3 minute mark and the group doesn't look hooked, but if you had just 1-2 more minutes to work with, you could pull out a trick they'd like.. what to do? Run this one.. "You guys are alright.. you just bought yourself 2 more minutes of my time.. but then I seriously have to go..".. This is a POWERFUL statement.. you create the feeling that YOU are the one in demand.. AND you just bought yourself an other 2 minutes at the same time without comming off as needy or desperate..

Hint: When talking to guys, what they say is what they mean. So naturally, male-male interactions are strait-forward & simple. Not the case with male-female interaction; simply because, when a female speaks to a male, the first thing she'll try to do is demonstrate her feminine power over him and establish control of the social situation.. this is NOT done the same way a cocky-alpha-male would do it when talking to a guy. It's subtle, and if you don't watch out for it, you're going to find yourself being part of a group where it "looks" like you are there for HER attention and after to get her.. this is the WRONG vibe.. and you don't want to fall into this trap..

Her: Yeah, I really don't like guys who ____, I hope you're not like that.
You: (fall for the trap and explain yourself and why you're not like that)

Her: What are your 5 best qualities?
You: (fall for her trap and list all 5 like a good doggy)

Her: I like to have fun, but i'm not a slut, one thing about me, i'm not easy, and I hate it when guys ____.. blah blah..
You: (fall for it again.. yes princess.. guys suck.. you're the best..)

This is the wrong vibe.. and if you don't change it.. no matter how great you come off.. you'll be the guy in a group who appears to be hitting on and chasing the female.. Instead! flip the vibe in your favor.. How?

Notice what a woman does to set the vibe to her favor..

1. Demostrates feminine power
2. Confirms control over you
3. Starts to qualify you (have you prove yourself worthy and "good enough for her").. where she will feel no attraction for you, but will enjoy the good ego-boost..

Disarm & Counter-act this..

1. Ignore her and show not (indifference), but (disinterest) to convey to her that her feminine power doesn't affect you.
2. Don't fall for her tests, dodge them, ignore them, or grab them and throw them back at her, this isn't the time to let her feel she can control you, you want to make her understand and feel that she has ZERO control over you.
3. Don't qualify yourself.. in fact, DISQUALIFY yourself and then pay attention to her friends, (again, showing disinterest).. this is the cornerstone in making her feel helpless and powerless.. now she'll want your attention, your validation, SHE will be CHASING YOU.. and to "superglue" this vibe in place, YOU will start to QUALIFY HER..

You: Do you like pets?
Her: (yeah I like ___)
You: Oh.. ___ are cute; I really don't understand how some people just don't like pets at all..

You: You know what I hate? There are people who "say" they're open-minded and like to try new things and stuff.. but they never actually "do" all the wonderful things they "say" and make these fantasy-like plans for.. It's so annoying.. I hope you're not like that..
Her: (will qualify herself as she tells you a story to demostrate indirectly how she's not like that)

You: I'm really not actually ready for a relationship right now. Don't get me wrong, I meet alot of good-looking women all the time, alot of them are really nice.. but so what? If I wanted to look at a nice pretty face everyday, i'd date a magazine stand.. What's really hard to find and rare, are those three important qualities in a person..
Her: What 3 important qualities?
You: Blah, Blah, and more Blah..
Her: (qualifies herself to you)
You: Haha, well.. you definitely have some of them.. i'd say you have 1 or 2 out of 3.. :smile:
Her: (she objects playfully and tries to insist that she has all three)

That last one is a great lead-in to A3 (PM me if you don't know what that is), but notice the vibe you create in the group.. SHE is chasing YOU.. so YOU are the one in control, within 15-30 minutes of meeting total strangers.. and an added bonus is showing higher value for youself, which will act to increase her attraction to you even more.. you're now more "in demand" in her eyes.. that's because you set the right vibe..

[CAM]

Haven't been on for a few days. Actually writing for work.

Anyway, it looks like I didn't miss a thing.....

[GrkScorp]

Haven't been on for a few days. Actually writing for work.

Anyway, it looks like I didn't miss a thing.....

Hahaha! ahhh.. you're getting a "thanks" just for humor..

[Only-virgins]

I have yet to try the stuff in practice. Next time I'll for the hell of it try GSs ideas.

[Off2College]

I agree... I think it would be great if someone made a summary of like, 10 pages of notes. but I got the basics down...

1. do the 2 minute thing...
2. ask her dumb but open question
3. hope something good happens.

all the while never showing interest.

[Only-virgins]

I agree... I think it would be great if someone made a summary of like, 10 pages of notes. but I got the basics down...

1. do the 2 minute thing...
2. ask her dumb but open question
3. hope something good happens.

all the while never showing interest.

Yep, there is the formula on how to NOT be yourself.

[GrkScorp]

Yep, there is the formula on how to NOT be yourself.

Oh no.. lol.. you misunderstand.. this is the formula on HOW TO BE YOURSELF!

I want you to speak to a woman you're unattracted to.. an old lady, a fat chick, whatever works for you..

Then I want you to go speak to an 8-10 that you're attracted to..

Try and talk to them for 10 mins (not a problem for the unattractive woman, but maybe an issue with the girl you're attracted to)..

I want you to possibly record yourself doing it.. and NOTICE what you're doing differently..

- Body Language
- Tone of Voice
- Facial Expression
- What you're actually saying!
- What you're actually doing!

With the unattractive girl, or with a guy.. you're really being yourself.. you are presenting to them the REAL you..

With the attractive girl, you're NOT being yourself! you are presenting to them the NERVOUS, OVERLY-POLITE, NEEDY, etc.. you..

When you look at it through this light.. how on earth do you stand a fighting chance to get the girl you're attracted to, interested in you, if the YOU you're presenting isn't an accurate representation of you?

So to counter this; you have to notice and make note on how you act around people you're not interested in (this 5 areas)..

Important: Willingness to walk away
- Willingness to change topics
- Nothing is a big deal
- Not needy
- Not conveying interest
- Not affraid to be yourself (rude, playful, funny, etc)
- Not being a push-over/slave (hold my purse, wait for me here).. if she's a stranger, if she was a guy or an ugly chick, would you say/do/act the same thing/way?
- It's not only important to convey (no interest) with attractive women, but to convey (disinterest)! I'm not crazy.. this really works.. almost every guy who sees them sends out the vibe that he's attracted to them (even if he doesn't approach her or talk to her), so she knows and feels wanted constantly.. Are you going to be one of those chumps? Or is there something special, interesting about you that offers a challenge?

Acting yourself while conveying active disinterest allows her to first, feel safe and secure around you knowing that you're not there to hit on her or that you're not interested in her, and secondly, since this fear of hers is put to rest, her defenses are down and she can start to become interested in you and attracted to you, and the more you resist and are disinterested, the more she'll begin to chase you.. (again, this works for attractive women, it plays on ego, and the need for attention and validation)..

So, this "formula" is actually what you already do with people you're not interested in.. it just acts as a quick reminder and checklist of stuff to do & not do around people you ARE interested in..

[Only-virgins]

Oh no.. lol.. you misunderstand.. this is the formula on HOW TO BE YOURSELF!

I want you to speak to a woman you're unattracted to.. an old lady, a fat chick, whatever works for you..

Then I want you to go speak to an 8-10 that you're attracted to..

Try and talk to them for 10 mins (not a problem for the unattractive woman, but maybe an issue with the girl you're attracted to)..

I want you to possibly record yourself doing it.. and NOTICE what you're doing differently..

- Body Language
- Tone of Voice
- Facial Expression
- What you're actually saying!
- What you're actually doing!

With the unattractive girl, or with a guy.. you're really being yourself.. you are presenting to them the REAL you..

With the attractive girl, you're NOT being yourself! you are presenting to them the NERVOUS, OVERLY-POLITE, NEEDY, etc.. you..

When you look at it through this light.. how on earth do you stand a fighting chance to get the girl you're attracted to, interested in you, if the YOU you're presenting isn't an accurate representation of you?

So to counter this; you have to notice and make note on how you act around people you're not interested in (this 5 areas)..

Important: Willingness to walk away
- Willingness to change topics
- Nothing is a big deal
- Not needy
- Not conveying interest
- Not affraid to be yourself (rude, playful, funny, etc)
- Not being a push-over/slave (hold my purse, wait for me here).. if she's a stranger, if she was a guy or an ugly chick, would you say/do/act the same thing/way?
- It's not only important to convey (no interest) with attractive women, but to convey (disinterest)! I'm not crazy.. this really works.. almost every guy who sees them sends out the vibe that he's attracted to them (even if he doesn't approach her or talk to her), so she knows and feels wanted constantly.. Are you going to be one of those chumps? Or is there something special, interesting about you that offers a challenge?

Acting yourself while conveying active disinterest allows her to first, feel safe and secure around you knowing that you're not there to hit on her or that you're not interested in her, and secondly, since this fear of hers is put to rest, her defenses are down and she can start to become interested in you and attracted to you, and the more you resist and are disinterested, the more she'll begin to chase you.. (again, this works for attractive women, it plays on ego, and the need for attention and validation)..

So, this "formula" is actually what you already do with people you're not interested in.. it just acts as a quick reminder and checklist of stuff to do & not do around people you ARE interested in..

Because when I am talking to them I AM THE SEX CRAVED GUY! THAT IS ME AT THAT TIME!. I am not showing attraction with body language etc to fat and old girls because I don't feel attracted to them. Why the hell would a women want to pick a guy that isn't attracted to her? Do they love guys that beat them and cause them problems?

[GrkScorp]

Because when I am talking to them I AM THE SEX CRAVED GUY! THAT IS ME AT THAT TIME!. I am not showing attraction with body language etc to fat and old girls because I don't feel attracted to them.

lol.. i'm not laughing at you.. just at the truth of the matter..

well.. that's pretty common.. if it's a serious issue.. just (you know) more often, and before you go out to meet women..

but you shouldn't need to.. the mistake guys do when they see someone attractive is have their mind go to "sex", "relationship", "her number", etc..

you haven't even started talking to her and you're already thinking this? this shows, and this makes you seem creepy, needy, etc.. and you make them feel uncomfortable.. so naturally you end up getting a bad reaction, and bad results..

if this is your issue, it's actually not that hard to fix.. take things into prespective and think of things one step at a time..

if you look at an attractive woman.. your first & ONLY thought should be "I have to talk to her".. you can't let your mind wander off to other thoughts (you're not going to have sex with her, start a relationship with her, ask her out, or even ask her for her number in that night! all you're going to think about now is starting that conversation)..

when you start that conversation, all you should be thinking about is "don't come off as needy, don't fall for her tests/traps, don't be a push-over, resist and don't respond to her indications of interest "you're not that easy, only someone interested in her would respond, she's going to have to WORK for it to win you over", keep feeding her interesting conversation and stories, keep her entertained with tricks & games" (ok, that's actually alot to think about.. lol.. but DO NOT think about establishing "rapport", this isn't the time to ask her about what she likes, what she does, where she's from, what her family is like, past relationships, etc) something I usually throw in:

You: Hey, don't get any ideas; don't think I don't see you smiling.. I swear, all you women think about is one thing.. but luckily, I wore my dirty boxers today to make sure nothing happens :smile as if to say; sucks for you..: (this disqualifies you, is competent flirting/playful teasing, creates sexual tension, and sets the vibe that SHE wants YOU and YOU are the prize that's being chased after by her)

after you've established a sense of attraction that she feels for you and you're certain of her indicators of interest towards you, you can transition into slowly and (intermmitently) giving her your own IOIs (mixed with IODs that will slowly stop).. at this point, ONLY think "don't show interest actively, I have to ask questions and tell stories that will coax her into "qualifying" herself to me and then show interest in some aspect of her personality, and then pull away to imply she has more work to do, etc.. (re-read old posts for the steps)"

after this, you're going to have to establish "comfort, security, safety, trust".. this is where "rapport" comes in.. this is where you can ask and familiarize yourself with who she is, where she's from, her family, etc.. and that's ALL you should be thinking about.. (not sex, not a relationship, not kissing her, not asking her for her number)

as things come to and end, she's invested in you, she's had a great time, and she's felt attraction and feels that YOU have felt attraction for HER, and not just how she looks.. (she should feel this way, afterall, you haven't sent off the wrong vibe!).. so she actually WANTS to meet you again.. SHE will give YOU her number! there's no way she's letting you leave without getting her number.. so don't feel like "I better ask her for her number, what if I don't see her again?".. don't think this at all.. let HER think that.. if you've done everything else right.. she'll give you her number OR make it clear she WANTS to give you her number

I've gotten this one before:

Her: "Aren't you going to ask me for my number; or do you want me to beg?"
You: :smile: And I had this strange feeling like I was forgetting to do something :laugh: Thanks for reminding me, that was close :smile: (to imply that it was lucky for HER that she reminded you; YOU are the one in demand, YOU are the prize, REMEMBER TO SET THE RIGHT VIBE!)

All in all, don't focus on long-term goals.. think short-term ONLY! take one step at a time.. one small step & short-term goal at a time.. you'll be one step closer to your long-term goal.. (whatever that happens to be)..

[Only-virgins]

lol.. i'm not laughing at you.. just at the truth of the matter..

well.. that's pretty common.. if it's a serious issue.. just (you know) more often, and before you go out to meet women..

but you shouldn't need to.. the mistake guys do when they see someone attractive is have their mind go to "sex", "relationship", "her number", etc..

you haven't even started talking to her and you're already thinking this? this shows, and this makes you seem creepy, needy, etc.. and you make them feel uncomfortable.. so naturally you end up getting a bad reaction, and bad results..

if this is your issue, it's actually not that hard to fix.. take things into prespective and think of things one step at a time..

if you look at an attractive woman.. your first & ONLY thought should be "I have to talk to her".. you can't let your mind wander off to other thoughts (you're not going to have sex with her, start a relationship with her, ask her out, or even ask her for her number in that night! all you're going to think about now is starting that conversation)..

when you start that conversation, all you should be thinking about is "don't come off as needy, don't fall for her tests/traps, don't be a push-over, resist and don't respond to her indications of interest "you're not that easy, only someone interested in her would respond, she's going to have to WORK for it to win you over", keep feeding her interesting conversation and stories, keep her entertained with tricks & games" (ok, that's actually alot to think about.. lol.. but DO NOT think about establishing "rapport", this isn't the time to ask her about what she likes, what she does, where she's from, what her family is like, past relationships, etc) something I usually throw in:

You: Hey, don't get any ideas; don't think I don't see you smiling.. I swear, all you women think about is one thing.. but luckily, I wore my dirty boxers today to make sure nothing happens :smile as if to say; sucks for you..: (this disqualifies you, is competent flirting/playful teasing, creates sexual tension, and sets the vibe that SHE wants YOU and YOU are the prize that's being chased after by her)

after you've established a sense of attraction that she feels for you and you're certain of her indicators of interest towards you, you can transition into slowly and (intermmitently) giving her your own IOIs (mixed with IODs that will slowly stop).. at this point, ONLY think "don't show interest actively, I have to ask questions and tell stories that will coax her into "qualifying" herself to me and then show interest in some aspect of her personality, and then pull away to imply she has more work to do, etc.. (re-read old posts for the steps)"

after this, you're going to have to establish "comfort, security, safety, trust".. this is where "rapport" comes in.. this is where you can ask and familiarize yourself which who she is, where she's from, her family, etc.. and that's ALL you should be thinking about.. (not sex, not a relationship, not kissing her, not asking her for her number)

as things come to and end, she's invested in you, she's had a great time, and she's felt attraction and feels that YOU have felt attraction for HER, and not just how she looks.. (she should feel this way, afterall, you haven't sent off the wrong vibe!).. so she actually WANTS to meet you again.. SHE will give YOU her number! there's no way she's letting you leave without getting her number.. so don't feel like "I better ask her for her number, what if I don't see her again?".. don't think this at all.. let HER think that.. if you've done everything else right.. she'll give you her number OR make it clear she WANTS to give you her number

I've gotten this one before:

Her: "Aren't you going to ask me for my number; or do you want me to beg?"
You: :smile: And I had this strange feeling like I was forgetting to do something :laugh: Thanks for reminding me, that was close :smile: (to imply that it was lucky for HER that she reminded you; YOU are the one in demand, YOU are the prize, REMEMBER TO SET THE RIGHT VIBE!)

All in all, don't focus on long-term goals.. think short-term ONLY! take one step at a time.. one small step & short-term goal at a time.. you'll be one step closer to your long-term goal.. (whatever that happens to be)..

That is actually a lot of help. It is true though, I become really tense and anxious around girls I actually feel attracted to and feel like their is a possibility of getting together. I know what you say has to be partially true at least from a personal experience I have had.

I'll share it quickly. My friend brought over a girl that was visiting him from Cali one time to my house. It was just to hang out together. When she walked in the door I found her to be attractive...I became tense, I would say stupid shit hoping to impress her. Nothing, she didn't care at all. I think she thought I was a bit weird. I ran into my friend downstairs and he quickly implied how he had sex with her, needless to say it destroyed the attraction in every way since I actually don't have to much respect for him. I became relaxed and stopped giving a shit because I didn't care what she would think anymore. All of a sudden a few conversations later she is asking me questions and giving me smiles, looks, and is clearly implying something. Pissed me off to no end. I think some of your theories actually justify the situation that happened there.

Thanks for the help. The large silence from the female community here is more evidence... HAHAHA!

I will try and think thoughts like "how should I talk to her and what should I say"...rather than thoughts like "she is hot" next time. I'll be at a party tomorrow. Hopefully an opportunity shows itself.

You have to understand that I am a very straight forward guy. I am not as creative at coming up with useless things to say just to keep someones interest even though I can be funny. I am usually clueless to what action I should take when I see someone I am interested in. Doesn't help that the opportunities are rare as it is that a girl in the range of 6-10 is not sitting with some other guy already.