Some passing thoughts on roles in relationship

[GrkScorp]

I understand the concept of making a woman happy, but only if it is a GOOD woman who is worthy of it.

I have a pet peeve with these princessy women that demand stuff from their partners, and their partners give them everything they ask for just to keep them 'happy'. They won't even argue points that I KNOW they don't agree with. They figure it's easier just to shut their mouth and give in. Sad part is, they never seem to get as much in return. Angers me.

Blue, on behalf of all men, we wish all women were like you..

Shoot, if a guy has you come into his life, it's seriously the best thing that could ever happen, and will ever happen to him..

On one hand yes, women like that bother us all.. but to be fair.. it's these "men" that ALLOW it to happen to them.. I think they deserve equal blame.. because it's just a matter of being able to handle these women in the right way.. not like some animal.. but not like some princess either..

If a woman demands something, she's not getting it.. period.. end of story.. let her go.. let her find some guy who will give into that.. but unless she's worth it.. that's not something she should expect nor demand..

If a woman deserves it.. she'll get it.. and that's because the guy will feel such a powerful urge within him to WANT to give it to her.. whatever "it" happens to be..

But both characters of the tragic situation behind a control-freak girl & a wimp-push-over guy are to blame..

[vashti]

if she has to PM you to tell you to post on her part, that's just being catty and a little childish..

She did not PM me, and YOU are the one who is looking childish.

[misombra]

a real man knows a real woman when he sees her.

if you're dating crappy women, then i'm sad to say that you're probably a crappy man.

[GrkScorp]

She did not PM me, and YOU are the one who is looking childish.

Fair enough, but an other empty claim..

Take a look, the two of you need to tag-team and try and constantly take hits.. and now mis has joined in on the effort.. Not only childish, but also not excusable for someone your age..

You've both taken the time and effort to take the thread somewhere tangent as always, just to try and take hits on me, normally flattering, but now it's quite outplayed and old.. And i'm not about to start breaking down what exactly that means.. about the two of you.. and I don't expect either of you to admit it to yourselves either.. now

With that said.. carry on..

[Gribble]

Oh brother. Skorp, grow up.

[misombra]

Take a look, the two of you need to tag-team and try and constantly take hits.. and now mis has joined in on the effort.. Not only childish, but also not excusable for someone your age..

i wasn't even talking to you ya freakin gopher.

[IndiReloaded]

Holy moley.

GS, I can't even read your posts b/c I put you on ignore long ago. I can only see you're stirring the pot b/c of what others have quoted. Its not to say that you don't sometimes have useful advice, just that I find it tedious to wade through their length. A personal preference.

Please stop being a baby. I certainly never PMd anyone about anything. I told you before I really just don't care that much what you think (its a bit disturbing that you think anyone would--a real 'need to be needed' there). I just wanted you to consider your posts might be offensive to Dancer, okay? If someone calls you a Jay just check & make sure you don't have feathers on your ass. If you don't then just ignore it.

But even you must be realizing by now you have a problem, hmmm? You take yourself far to seriously young man. And despite your cries to the contrary, you're kind of an attention whore, otherwise why keep posting to respond when you're clearly in the wrong? Just say something like "I meant no offense by my post" & let it go. Else you really are in danger of becoming the windbag I tease you about being. Yikes.

[Junket]

"It makes the most sense, financially, for us to move in together."

"Yeah, but...do you want to move in with me?"

"Well, yeah. We'd both save so much money that way."

"No, no, no, if money weren't an issue, would you still want to move in with me?"

"..."

"..."

"I don't know honestly, the financial aspect of it all is enough of a propellant in itself."

[GrkScorp]

That's really nice, sweet, and funny at the same time..

Indi.. if you've convinced yourself that you don't care.. why do you keep resonding? Hmm?

Nevertheless with namecalling.. ironically with terms such as "baby"..

It's because your story falls apart.. and you keep trying to recover, with the help of others.. and you still can't recover.. but it's ok.. it's not a big deal.. we're over Indi.. I want my CD's back (Dane Cook)

[GrkScorp]

"It makes the most sense, financially, for us to move in together."

"Yeah, but...do you want to move in with me?"

"Well, yeah. We'd both save so much money that way."

"No, no, no, if money weren't an issue, would you still want to move in with me?"

"..."

"..."

"I don't know honestly, the financial aspect of it all is enough of a propellant in itself."

Omg.. please tell me this wasn't a dialog you were part of recently Fras..

[Junket]

Omg.. please tell me this wasn't a dialog you were part of recently Fras..

Nah, that was before we moved down here.

It's pretty much become a non-issue, considering we're right now, living in the same room.

When we move into our apartment, we'll have separate rooms, but she has a large enough bed for me to sleep in.

It's an easy way to appease her traditional parents (having separate rooms).

I was just citing that conversation because I thought it related well to the initial thread post.

[IndiReloaded]

Come on Blue. It's me who you're talking about. Would I be after a woman who wasn't a drop made in heaven?

Remember what I said before, Mish. Good relationships are less found than they are made. Rosetta stones. And in such a situation, you won't be only discovering/uncovering her, she'll be discovering/uncovering you also if you choose wisely.

That's the paths to growth message I've mentioned before. What Blue meant (I think) by her post about selfless males & ungrateful partners. Someone who isn't equally willing to help you to grow for yourself (or learn how to) won't make a good longterm partner.

What I would 'test' for, if I had to do so, would be for signs of an egocentric personality & rule those ppl out. Which is more than merely finding someone who is apparently giving, BTW. Some of the most egocentric personalities I've worked with are some of the most 'giving' ppl you could ever meet. But its only on a very superficial level & its often misplaced. Wives who martyr themselves for their families, men who 'give in' to their unreasonable partners with no benefit (Blue's example), employees who are willing to take on the hard, dirty work all the time; this type of giving is actually a convoluted form of selfishness (and often masochism). Its hard to detect, but you see it come out when the 'giving' is rejected by the intended recipient (b/c its not what they really wanted) & the Giver gets angry at the rejection. How could the recipient possibly reject such wonderful help/advice/gifts/whatever? They are genuinely confused as to why this happens & its sad b/c often the giver really does mean well, its just misplaced intentions based in selfishness & need. Its actually very difficult for these ppl to understand this about themselves, and it largely has to do with poor messages they received growing up about what it means to truly love someone. I'll tell you, its very hard to retrain these personalities (it can be done, tho, if you have skill & patience) so I'd think it easiest to just know what to look for & avoid these types.

Anyway, true giving is more about providing that which another person actually needs, not what you think they need. For those who have never been in this kind of partnership, the next closest example of this would be a parent's love for their children. True giving for a partner comes from a deep understanding of one's partner & one's own abilities (in other words, you have to actually know what you can & cannot reasonably offer your partner). Ersatz giving, strangely enough, comes from one's own *selfish* need & is not true giving. Be sure to understand the difference b/c its important to a good relationship.

*kiss*

[misombra]

"It makes the most sense, financially, for us to move in together."

"Yeah, but...do you want to move in with me?"

"Well, yeah. We'd both save so much money that way."

"No, no, no, if money weren't an issue, would you still want to move in with me?"

"..."

"..."

"I don't know honestly, the financial aspect of it all is enough of a propellant in itself."

yep, that pretty much does it right there. pretty much everybody who is in a relationship knows that mish's theory is just a theory. whoever is not in a relationship thinks different. sorry to say but if this were real research you single people would not even be considered in the N.

[Gribble]

I like helping people without asking anything in return. Should I feel bad because I enjoy it? Am I a selfish asshole somehow because it makes me feel good? Feh.

[Junket]

I like helping people without asking anything in return. Should I feel bad because I enjoy it? Am I a selfish asshole somehow because it makes me feel good? Feh.

I didn't dedicate 10 months of my life to volunteer service because I wanted to help other people.

I dedicated 10 months of my life to volunteer service because I wanted to help myself.