Relationship changes, and questions about feelings

[ecojeanne]

Marriage isn't the enemy - stupidity is.
.

of course that's exactly my point, marraige is good when with the right person.....but getting married shouldn't necessarily be the deciding factor on staying or not staying with someone, i know lots of couples who have been happily married for decades

[Cain]

of course that's exactly my point, marraige is good when with the right person.....but getting married shouldn't necessarily be the deciding factor on staying or not staying with someone, i know lots of couples who have been happily married for decades

But marriage is a BIG thing to some people. Why should it not be a deciding factor for her? If she wants marriage and he doesn't, why should she stay with him? It's something that is important to her and that's all that matters.

[ecojeanne]

But marriage is a BIG thing to some people. Why should it not be a deciding factor for her? If she wants marriage and he doesn't, why should she stay with him? It's something that is important to her and that's all that matters.

because maybe this pressure i've been talking about 'might' be swaying her into leaving a man she loves dearly and who loves her.....like i said it is up to her at the end of the day....i just gave my 2 cents worth from what i've seen happen around me

[Cain]

because maybe this pressure i've been talking about 'might' be swaying her into leaving a man she loves dearly and who loves her.....like i said it is up to her at the end of the day....i just gave my 2 cents worth from what i've seen happen around me

I hope that she's mature enough to know whether it's that she finds marriage to be important to her or if she's doing it because of pressure.

[ecojeanne]

I hope that she's mature enough to know whether it's that she finds marriage to be important to her or if she's doing it because of pressure.

it's not necessarily maturity....family pressure and what they consider right can be difficult to deal with too

[kitty001]

Well if they've been dating 2 1/2 years..and living together for 2..then that means she started expecting an engagement after having a relationship with this guy for a year and a half. I still personally think that's asking for a bit much.

Now that they've been together for nearly 3 years..I can see that she'd want some kind of formal commitment.

I'd never be able to date someone who told me they'd break up with me if I didn't get engaged to them within a year of living together. I'd feel so pressured. Is it a good idea to put such strict guidelines on things like that? Shouldn't you be more concerned about whether the person truly makes you happy? I do understand wanting to get married and all, but I think it's a better idea to just go with the flow. I would have waited a couple of years before even (seriously) mentioning engagement.

[starbuck]

Or she could just find someone more marriage minded. There are guys out there like this. Not every guy is marriage-phobic.

P.S. If she were in her early twenties, she could afford to "go with the flow." But she most likely has a set time that she would like to have kids and she has less time to waste.

[ecojeanne]

Or she could just find someone more marriage minded. There are guys out there like this. Not every guy is marriage-phobic.

P.S. If she were in her early twenties, she could afford to "go with the flow." But she most likely has a set time that she would like to have kids and she has less time to waste.

like i was saying earlier they should be talking about whether he ever wants to have children, if not then yes this would be a deciding factor because they want totally different things, like i also said before if he does want to have children but doesn't want marraige then that shows yes he is commited but a little childish about the word 'marraige'

[Cain]

like i was saying earlier they should be talking about whether he ever wants to have children, if not then yes this would be a deciding factor because they want totally different things, like i also said before if he does want to have children but doesn't want marraige then that shows yes he is commited but a little childish about the word 'marraige'

I don't understand why this is turning into such a big debate. We won't agree.

He either wants marriage or he doesn't. She obviously does and that's all that matters. Her reasons for it are not important to us. Only to her. And regardless of the reason, she obviously feels it justifies her wanting to be married and not be live-in bf/gf.

[starbuck]

Let's also not forget that she didn't say she didn't want to BE with him if they didn't get engaged. She just said she didn't want to LIVE with him if not engaged.

Big difference.

[ecojeanne]

starbuck this is mad, how come this is still an issue? didnt we all give our opinions? i gave my 2cents worth, and so did you and plenty of others...i think she has all bases covered

[starbuck]

starbuck this is mad, how come this is still an issue? didnt we all give our opinions? i gave my 2cents worth, and so did you and plenty of others...i think she has all bases covered

What, there's a quota on how much we're allowed to post on this?

Sorry, I must have missed that memo. Eco, I love how you're allowed to argue until the cows come home, but everyone else is "mad" for keeping up the debate.

[ecojeanne]

but starbuck you're not saying anything new...keep posting if you want...no offence meant, it just 'seems' a bit much..

[starbuck]

You're being a total idiot now, since my ratio of posts in this thread is much lower than yours. Now who is saying the same thing over and over?

See this is the thing that bugs me about you, Eco. When everyone else does something it's "a bit much," but when you do it, it's perfectly fine. You're one of the most hypocritical posters here on Love Forum quite honestly.

[ecojeanne]

oh c'mon here we go...