Weddings

[Only-virgins]

She started asking me about my damn speech, and if I had memorized

Haha yea like I am going to do that. I am bringing a big fat white piece of paper with me up there and I don't care.

[Indignant]

What was it... The day after I proposed to my first wife she insisted on going to a book store to pick up some wedding planning books?

So, I found a book for grooms. The first page said, "If you look up the word groom in the dictionary, it says, "A man or boy in the employ of caring for horses." A bride will argue that the proper term is bride-groom, but you get the point. You should accept that as a man a wedding is something that happens to you, not for you."

I remember standing around the night before my best friend's wedding talking with the maid of honor (Me in the role of best man...) who would have been cute if she had waxed the mustache and you know, not talked ever.... I'm digressing here. She started asking me about my damn speech, and if I had memorized, and yammering on about how scared she was she'd screw up. So, I took pity on her. I said, "Look, you've known them as a couple as long as I have, if you lose your place just tell a story. You know, like this one time, at band camp..." And the whole wedding party cracks up laughing at the maid of honor, she looks like she's going to slap me, and it dawns on me. "Oh shit. She's playing a ****ing flute solo in the wedding tomorrow."

My wedding last December was very short, very simple, and we solved the who says their vows first dilemma by flipping a coin ala football. I elected to receive having conceded field advantage anyway.

Pretty much, you can't take a wedding too damn seriously. Even if bozo the clown marries you, the only real important thing about the wedding is that you're married. Everything else is bullshit. The $600 cake. The $1000 wedding dress. The $130 tuxedos. The $800 you paid for the wedding video that you'll maybe watch 2 times in order to torture people who gave you 13 toasters.

You know OV, Archie McPhee makes a bacon patterned/bacon scented tuxedo...

welcome back Lite

[Illusional]

Haha yea like I am going to do that. I am bringing a big fat white piece of paper with me up there and I don't care.

who would expect anyone to remember a damn speech?? unless you tell a really humiliating story about the groom... that will get the party rolling.

raverboy

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Haha yea like I am going to do that. I am bringing a big fat white piece of paper with me up there and I don't care.

+1

Shit, I'd read my own vows.

[IndiReloaded]

For your speech OV, if she insists you memorize:

The vows have been read,
The cake has been cut;
Let's hope that [bride's name]
Don't grow a big(ger?) butt!

[Junket]

F*ck wedding man, they're only inconvenient and expensive for everybody else. Especially when they'll invite you, talk to you for 5 minutes then wander off.