Very concerned about my daughter.

[Yggdrasil]

that's called a fantasy world

I dunno, I know two couples who met that way and one of them is together for over 10 years, the other 3.

[IndiReloaded]

Its fantasy until they meet and learn whether brains match biology. Come on Ygg, you know this. Sexual compatibility is a large part immune system genetics.

[Yggdrasil]

Its fantasy until they meet and learn whether brains match biology. Come on Ygg, you know this. Sexual compatibility is a large part immune system genetics.

Actualy, if I recall correctly: immune system genetics state that women are the ones who make the decission with which male they'll decide to mate, while men just follow their pecker and bang whatever becomes available.

[IndiReloaded]

Is that in any way incompatible with what I posted? LOL.

Okay, yes. Men don't care. Women choose according to dissimilar MHC genes. The more dissimilar, the greater sexual interest. How we do that by smell tho, I don't know. I think the issue w/the pill isn't the hormones per se, but that it messes up our sense of smell. That's just my hypothesis, btw, no data backing that up that I know of.

[bluesummer]

I have no children, but I'm a 29 year old woman that's been through some horrendous relationships, including a marriage. My issues centred around poor self-esteem of a different nature. Honestly, I had to learn from my mistakes.

My mother tried to intervene, and counsel, and give me advice. It pretty much went in one ear and out the other. I had to stop the cycle of being with emotionally abusive jerks when I was ready, when I had enough. Nothing anyone else said made a difference. I only saw their points years later, when I'd gotten out and come to terms with it myself.

Sorry, I think you need to let her make her own choices in this. You've said your piece. She's only going to learn through experience, which might be the hard way. I'm quite certain it's hard to watch your child suffer, but there's a point when you have to step back and let them battle life out on their own. You can be supportive, but you generally can't tell them what's right and wrong anymore....especially in relationships. They'll go their own way in the end, so don't waste your breath.

[IndiReloaded]

Yeah that sounds familiar.. I think that's about right.

Thanks professor.

[Yggdrasil]

Okay, yes. Men don't care. Women choose according to dissimilar MHC genes. The more dissimilar, the greater sexual interest. How we do that by smell tho, I don't know. I think the issue w/the pill isn't the hormones per se, but that it messes up our sense of smell. That's just my hypothesis, btw, no data backing that up that I know of.

Yeah that sounds familiar.. I think that's about right.

Aren't the pheromones related to the smell?

I think it's important to realize that men aren't really in control there and that it's basically the woman who will accept or reject them. At least, that's how I understand that.

(how the hell did this get moved bellow your post?)

[Rollerderby]

I agree with you all. Her father doesn't have anything to do with her, he called her a loser...they had a fight, a long story and so they aren't on speaking terms. She lived with me all of her life, untl she moved to NC for a guy and that didn't go well at all. That's just another story, however this guy did love her for who she was. And he was willing to come out here to see her last Dec but she got involved with the married man so her ex told her that he was tired of feeling like he was the door mat. I told her that she probably blew it with him cause he was actually one of the good men, he just had a lot of baggage. And ever since then, she's been trying to find a good man like him. She never sees the forrest cause of the trees.

I thought YOU were the father??? I'm so confused. So is she your "adopted" daughter then?

I know why you are nervous. All you have to do is pick up a newspaper and see all these widowed men who are on trial for killing their wives. If you *are* her father, I can totally see why you are nervous.

If you are not her father, and her actual father called her a loser and kicked her out, now it doesn't really take a rocket scientist to see why she has baggage issues.

It's not the weight. Only if she is trying to date abercrombie models. There may be men in the world who turn their noses up at obese women, and yes 280 is a lot, but having a lil chub doesn't mean you can't find love if you are secure. I wish she was posting here, we'd rag on her to go get professional help for her low self-esteem and to stop filling the hole with donuts and penises.

Someday my prince will come...

[Yggdrasil]

I thought YOU were the father??? I'm so confused. So is she your "adopted" daughter then?

If she is a he I called him mother hen.. ooops.

Now I am confused.

[Rollerderby]

I re-read the OP, and I saw that there is no mention of gender for the OP. I guess we are speaking to mommy dearest, I don't know why I thought it was daddy. So confusing.

Besides all the other big red flags about this guy, one that sticks out for me is that he is already controlling who she talks to on facebook, and wanted her to delete posts, and put that she was engaged.

WHATT???? THA F*CK???

I know a lot of people are going to come on here and say that facebook doesn't hold any social sway, but I really disagree. People take facebook very seriously, and especially on relationship terms. I've seen people flip on each other for not putting or putting certain statuses on. It's a way to announce to the whole global world who you are committed to.

Gay, yes, I hate it, but very impactful. El Duderino from Canada will either try to control her based on her low self-esteem (prime target for control btw, is someone who craves love desperately, as your daughter seems to) or will run cuz she's got some poundage.

Maybe the fat is a blessing in disguise? Listen, OP, I have been seeing this hypnotherapist for some stuff, PM if you want his website, he deals with ppl who want to loose weight and quit smoking.

But, if you are el madre, you also have to take a look at your relationship with your daughter. You can't just "tell her" not to make the same mistakes as you. That's what kids do, repeat all the shit you wish you never did, unless YOU are able to break the cycle and not pass your bullshit down to them. Just saying, no judgement, but that's kind of the way it works. Kids don't listen, and the girl does not seem to have garnered a lot of wisdom at the age of 28 in dealing with men. Maybe buy her, "he's just not that into you?" sign her up for a yoga class? She needs something else to fill her up other than a man. But she also has to want it. You can't force this on her.

Go to Oprah. She'll know what to do.

[Yggdrasil]

Rollerderby, when I grow up, I want to be like you, so well versed.

I said pretty much the same thing, but I simply can't sugarcoat that stuff.

[lesa]

Not sure if this was mentioned. The guy will not update a photo. He only has one photo and it's a cropped photo with an ex. Did the daughter talk to him by telephone? I smell an impostor.

[jtx09]

I have done some searching on this guy tonight. Came to find out that he is the president of a kids hockey team and found a recent photo of him on the website. However, he looks older than 30 years old...he looks more like 40. For him to be such a popular man, it's very weird to me that he can't post photos of his job or more recent photos. And what is even stranger is that a man that is dedicated to children it seems, would have young women on his myspace that he used to flirt with and his myspace being completely blank pretty much. I don't get it. My daughter has spoken to him on the phone. I think she just needs to be careful...something still seems off.

[IndiReloaded]

He could be some married guy just looking for some side action. Who knows? But alert your daughter. Eyes wide shut & all that.

[Rollerderby]

Yeah, what's sad is that the girl is going off that one half cropped photo...

Also, if he is president of a kids hockey team, that almost certainly spells side bride.