asked out by co-worker... but I have a bf

[Lady Sinclair]

Girl68, reading your posts is like looking in the mirror for me!

I have caught up with a guy a couple of times for coffee/chat as we have similar interests/same sport. He knows I have a bf and knows it is serious so I thought it was harmless. I didnt tell my bf as I thought there was nothing in it and there was no need to 'rub it in' to my bf that I was catching up with another guy.

Fast forward to now, a few months later. All of the things I used to question about my relationship before meeting this guy have come back to haunt me BIG time. The other guy, despite knowing about my bf, has confessed his feelings for me. Im in a really bad place right now and trying to get my shit together and figure out if I can resurrect the feelings for my bf. The sad part is that there are parts of our relationship that were like this well before the other guy came on the scene. But now its all coming to cause me grief and its my own fault. All I had to say was, 'Probably not a good idea' to drinks and save myself a lot of heartache.

Good luck chick!

[doppelgaenger]

Not only should you tell your boyfriend, but bring him along. I'd be *pissed* about that. Mega giga pissed.

[Charlie Boy II]

this ain't no thing. A f-cking beer after work!! I wouldn't want to know if it was my girlfriend because I wouldn't CARE! It's so mundane. What a bunch of fags.

[doppelgaenger]

Blow it out your ass, fancy boy.

[Charlie Boy II]

^^^ you're the worst fag of them all.

[doppelgaenger]

As if I give a flying **** what you think, picka.

[Mish]

this ain't no thing. A f-cking beer after work!! I wouldn't want to know if it was my girlfriend because I wouldn't CARE! It's so mundane. What a bunch of fags.

Oi, there's no need to insult people. Just because you wouldn't care doesn't mean everyone else wouldn't and it doesn't make you any better than anyone. Give your difference of opinion without the insults.

[IndiReloaded]

Girl, you accepted w/the understanding there would be others going, right?

So, the rules changed part way through. Big deal. You put the general word out for a beer outing Friday. Do you have any GFs can join? That would be the simplest solution.

Even if noone else shows, I'd still go. Its not like you are going to his place or anything like. IMO, you can't finesse a bail at this point w/o looking either paranoid or flighty. Not good for a work colleague, so just treat it as a networking opportunity. Bringing your BF along sounds juvenile; like you think you need a bodyguard.

You could, tho, have your BF meet you at a prearranged time at the pub, say an hour or so in. Or have him call your cell.

[IndiReloaded]

It's not the same because these people didn't have a vested interest in getting into your pants like this guy appears to have. You should've canceled it the moment you realized this isn't just a normal "two friends having a beer" thing.

LOL, this made me laugh. You should try being a woman doing business lunches. I deflect flirty comments all the time.

I posted before reading the whole thread, but I think Girl and CharlieBoy are basically right about this only being as big a deal as one makes it.

[doppelgaenger]

Hey, it's a personal preference; my girlfriend wouldn't like it if I went out for a drink with a girl or several, just like I wouldn't like it if she went out for a drink with a guy or several.

[IndiReloaded]

Yea, but you wouldn't care if it was a bunch of people from her work. That's the point, and the stance that Girl needs to take. Don't make this more than what it is.

If she has a great time, and does it again next Fri w/same guy, then say there's a problem.

[doppelgaenger]

I'd definitely feel left out if she didn't take me. And she would feel left out if I didn't take her. Then again, if you've been married since precambrian epochs, maybe that changes.

[Charlie Boy II]

you all need to grow some balls or get some confidence or something. If someone's with you, they're with you.

[doppelgaenger]

Charlieboy, you need to put my balls where your mouth is. Don't worry about your and my conflicting views; I don't want to date you anyway.

[chump4u]

LOL, this made me laugh. You should try being a woman doing business lunches. I deflect flirty comments all the time.

I posted before reading the whole thread, but I think Girl and CharlieBoy are basically right about this only being as big a deal as one makes it.

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I think you're missing the plot here Indi: this is only as big a deal as Girl68's Significant Other makes of it. If he's laid back enough to think that it's fine for his girl to knock back a few with some guy from work, there's no problem.

But if he's not going to make a big deal of it, why is Girl68 so worried about keeping it secret from him? And why is she asking us to confirm her secrecy as the right move?

Oh, there's also a difference between a business lunch, part of your job, and a tete-a-tete with some miscellaneous schmuck after work.

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