Female Orgasm: Every time, or only some times?

[Gigabitch]

Watch it, buddy. These are virgin ears.

[shheadz]

Now, don't get me wrong. I know that she didn't do anything morally "wrong." And only an asshole would fault her for just expressing her sexuality with as many people as she wants to. And I know that my reaction to her sexually liberated nature probably contributed to the decrease in sex.

But DAMN... I still wish I had just told her to shut the fcuk up about all her sex stories. Who does that?!?

Okay, well you and I got off to a rocky start.. but anyway...

It was the same with my ex, who's also 21. Only she'd been with 14 guys. Like you, I'm an adult, people do things, I've done things, so I didn't think much of it. And quite honestly my little head was driving the tank, so I wasn't thinking clearly. She was also very wild sexually at first, and unfortunately she also told me FAR too much about her sexual history, and the things she'd done. And she's also remained friends with quite a few of her exes. In fact, for a moment there I was starting to wonder if we were talking about the same girl.

When the sex between us did slow down, it ended up making me feel insecure, and a bit resentful. So here on out that kind of talk from a girl is a huge red flag for me, and I will forever try to avoid women (well.. girls) like that. So maybe your problem isn't 100% you, but has more to do with the girls you're getting involved with?

[pisces7378]

So maybe your problem isn't 100% you, but has more to do with the girls you're getting involved with?

shheadz... yeah, you're probably right. It's only been two girls; my ex-wife and my ex-girlfriend right after my wife. The girl I was with directly after her wasn't like that at all.

I've only been in 3 real long-term relationships (not counting high school crap). I met my wife when I was 20 years old, and had only had one LTR before that, but it was long distance, so it can't even be used for comparison.

But now that I think about it, when I was 20 years old, and screwing anything I could get my hands on, pretty much ALL of those 19-21 year old girls were total blabber-mouths about what all they'd done and who they'd done it with.

I can still remember this one girl going on and on about her ex boyfriend screwing her so often and so hard that she continually got urinary tract infections, and could sometimes barely sit down in class. And she told me that while we were in a restaurant on our second date. What kind of moron does that?!?

I now have a female friend that is 27 years old, and she is about to get married to a guy who is 31, and neither one of them knows how many people the other has been with, any details, or anything. And they are great with that.

That is how I want to pattern myself. Sure, the curiosity will probably throb in my head, but I have to remind myself that knowing the answer doesn't make it better, it just shifts the thoughts. And it's funny, I've been thinking about this a LOT lately. I was watching that new show on NatGeo called "Taboo", and they were talking about Asian prostitutes who sometimes "service" 10-20 guys in one day. After 10 years, that's 73,000 men. And as ridiculous as it seems, I could honestly imagine that I could look past that, if I were to somehow miraculously fall in-love with one of these hookers (Yes, I understand how ridiculous this analogy is... bear with me).

My point is... It isn't "the number" that matters to me. It's seems to bother me more, the manner in which you slept with them. It's weird. When my dumb-ass ex-girlfriend would tell me about long-term boyfriends she had slept with, I 100% didn't mind hearing about it. In fact, it made me happy to hear about her healthy attitude towards sex with someone she loved. But then we'd be at a party, and she'd introduce me to a room full of bumbling total dude-man-bumpkins that she went to high school with and are her best friends since grade school, and then she lets me know that she'd had sex with three of them... but you know... it meant nothing; it was just because they were there.

I don't know, the thought of a high school clique of dumb ass rednecks passing around my girlfriend like a dick holster bothers me more than a girl earning a living by ****ing 73,000 guys.

Okay, that's probably not true. I'm sure I'd hate to know my girlfriend had sex with 73,000 guys. I don't know. I hope I am not coming across as some conservative prude. Because I promise I am not. I am pretty much a card-carrying feminist, who has spent his life addressing the social imbalance between what women are allowed to do vs. what men are allowed to do.

And with every woman I've ever been with, I was totally fine. But now, at age 31, I am suddenly becoming so bothered with the thought of dumb ass girls giving themselves away to boys in the backseats of cars, and all that. Whereas before, I thought that sexual exploration was healthy, and appropriate for girls just as for boys. But now, I think of how fcuked up a girl can get by having an unhealthy view of sex.

And I think that shows like "Sex and the City" are a main point of concern for me, because those shows feature 38-40'something WOMEN. But unfortunately 14-17 year old girls watch it, and think that this is how life is.

Anyway. WOW... what a ramble. This will teach me to post something on the internet right after waking up.

[starbuck]

Can I ask you why not try to date more in your age range, Pisces? No offense to the younger ladies out there but the late-twenties--early-thirties women are going to be much more likely to have shed their baggage, gotten stupid shit out of their system, and be better girlfriends to you. Life experience can really change people for the better.

Is there just a lack of available late-twenties women in your location? Is it the fear that they are going to want marriage and kids too soon?

I could ask you the same question, Sheadz, but that's another thread

And younger ladies, please don't take personal offense. I know alot of you don't have baggage and hangups, and I'm certainly not talking about anyone specifically on the forum.

[Gigabitch]

Dick holster. Nice.

I agree that it's not the number that's such an issue, but the attachment. I feel that sexual exploration is healthy and that there are just some things that you have to get out of your system before you can really commit to a serious relationship, but this shit should recede into the past. Some people hold onto their sexual exploits like a high school football star who wants to revisit The Big Game every time he gets a little drunk at a BBQ.

Women who act this way (girls, I should say) can appear to be confident and are a total blast in bed, I'm sure. They also are very likely to have herpes.

I have an eleven-year-old daughter and I shudder to think of all the bullshit she is going to have to deal with as she grows up. There are already girls in her class claiming to have had sex with multiple boys. It's sixth grade, for God's sake.

[shheadz]

Did she tell you pretty much everything about her life, or was it only her sexual conquests that she rambles on about?

[qwertz]

Qwerty123... stick it in your ear.

Thats obviously where you've been going wrong.

[shheadz]

Oh, I'm also curious how much she knew about your sexual studies, and just how openly you talked about sex. For whatever reason shy may have felt it was ok to open up to you about all her past sexual experiences.. although actually pointing out which guys she slept with is still wrong. :/

[Luca]

Hmmm, to answer your original question...

I am pretty easy to get off, and thus I REALLY enjoy sex. The only times I find myself "rejecting" a partner's advances are if my emotional needs are not being met or I am feeling insecure. From the way you have described your ex-girlfriend, it sounds like she was an insecure person in general, and not very mature. It is possible that either her own general insecurities came up, or she sensed you are still in love with your wife, and that contributed to her lack of sexual interest.

I think that if the sex is good, women will be interested in sex as long as every thing else is fairly good too.

It is possible to find someone who is sexually open and confident but also a good companion.

[pisces7378]

Hmmm, to answer your original question...

I am pretty easy to get off, and thus I REALLY enjoy sex. The only times I find myself "rejecting" a partner's advances are if my emotional needs are not being met or I am feeling insecure. From the way you have described your ex-girlfriend, it sounds like she was an insecure person in general, and not very mature. It is possible that either her own general insecurities came up, or she sensed you are still in love with your wife, and that contributed to her lack of sexual interest.

I think that if the sex is good, women will be interested in sex as long as every thing else is fairly good too.

It is possible to find someone who is sexually open and confident but also a good companion.

She was definitely immature.
She was definitely insecure.
She definitely picked up that I was still in love with my wife.

We should have never been together. It was a mistake. I've just never made a mistake of this magnitude in all my life, and have spent the last year trying to peace together some sort of picture of who I am now... post-wife, post-girlfriend, post-ridiculousness.

And you know what's really funny? I don't think that my "problems" are really all that big, and certainly aren't unique. It is just the fact that all of this is happening to ME! I've listened to probably 2,000 people tell me all about this and that, and have really helped a lot of people deal with these exact same things. But no matter who you are, or what you do, you never know what's up until it is happening to YOU.

Thanks guys. You've been great.

[preet_matharoo]

Yes I agree JessZ,

It will give long lasting satisfaction than having a unsatisfied sex more times.

[Lulu]

Not to go off base here- but back to the original posting- I have been that girl in those shoes- it is alot of pressure when a guy EXPECTS a woman to have an orgasm EVERY time- sometimes we want sex just to feel physically close to you, not just to get off. Other times- I can't get enough. Some times, there are dry spells, other times, it was like we had just met. I was with my guy for 12 years- age 18 to 30- and the last time we had sex, he came TWICE!! and said, "At least we will always have that"- not knowing at the time it would be our last. The secret is to take the pressure off each other and to let the other person experience it how they want to- some nights, they may want to "make love", other nights it might be kinky sex night....and the whole orgasm thing- don't ask her EVERY time IF SHE WANTS ONE, IF SHE HAD ONE, just tell her to signal you when to go down or what to do for her without having to DISCUSS it- it is a total mood killer. Some nights I would say, "don't bother with oral sex, let this be about you" and before you know it- I was begging for it (not verbally, though). I took human sexuality, too. You have got to remember that feelings are a HUGE part of it, and if you are a good listener, supportive and she feels SAFE with you, she will be more likely to open up and expose her vulnerable side to you. AND- if she doesn't- maybe she is feeling fat this month, maybe she is too stressed over work, it doesn't always have to do with you! Just my experience....

[pisces7378]

sometimes we want sex just to feel physically close to you, not just to get off. Other times- I can't get enough. Some times, there are dry spells, other times, it was like we had just met.

I think that here is the "problem", if you will. Sure, there are slight variations from man to man, and from evening to evening. In general, however, I think it's pretty safe to say that a man is world-clock predictable about 99% of things in life.

If we say our favorite food is pizza, then you can easily bet that if you made pizza for dinner, he'd be happy. If he says that he's been seriously thinking about going back to school for a master's degree, he probably will. And when it comes to sex... he definitely A.) likes it, B.) wants it, C.) wants to come, D.) wants to come every time.

When I talk to women about this, or pretty much anything for that matter, I get washed over with a million: sometimes, maybe, a-lot-of-the-time, some girls, only [this] if [that], but always [this]... unless of course [that].

Women have more rules and then exceptions to these rules than Latin. And then on top of that, due to twisted societal expectations, women themselves take forever to learn who they are and what they want out of life.

Do not get me wrong! I love women. I love their company, emotionally, and physically. But in the last 2 years, I have really had to re-evaluate the "pedestal" I've put women on. There are a lot of positive things associated with femininity, but adherence to ANY form of logic or intelligent design is not one of them. Women seem to sort of surf this willy-nilly slipstream of "sometimes, maybes, and not sures"... but then in the cruelest example of a double edged sword the world has ever seen... they expect men to understand them.

So, sorry about all that pressure to perform ladies. But Bwah ha ha ha... give me a break.

[sudeep13582]

I dont think women fake it when she is not satisfied...

[Gigabitch]

That was a fine post, pisces. Years ago, it would have gotten my back up and I would have made some insulting crack about the intelligence of men in general, but at this point I can see that what you say is absolutely true.

I feel sorry for you guys. It's got to be like trying to put a jigsaw puzzle together in the dark.