Trying to recover from extreme devestation. Six year relationship w/ multi deaths.

[antibaka]

im so sick of you keep telling yourself and others im so lost i need the dog and bla bla bla, HEY MAN LISTEN, if your lost then you yourself are the only person who can find the way out. please listen to the others' advice, i've read the whole thread and you seemed to only reply to the advices that you want to hear, which is completely useless and not bringing you anywhere. everyone in this thread who bothered to reply you, whether its harsh or not, means that they are stil trying to help you, not just to waste their time.

and now here im really wondering why cant you turn to your parents ?? or your family ?? dont you have a family ??

you said your relationship was six years and you are 27, in fact six years is actually not that long. just try to count how many more years are there going to be in your life. well at least 30 i guess? and yeah that is just a very small part of it.

and you said you loathe yourself, alright, go ahead and loathe yourself..... and then what ?? nobody will even know u loathe yourself, not even your previous girlfriend especially

well, about your grandparents, im really, really sorry about it. but it is a natural process, humans grow old and they die. name me a man that defies this and you can go on to your extreme devastation.

others might advice you to replace your loved ones, move on and all, which just seem to be out of the question for you right? that is completely understandable. i believe deep inside you just cant help it and still wish to get back together with your previous girlfriend like before, which i think is possible. she is engaged, but even if she is married, divorce is like an every day thing nowadays. You need to know what she wants, and i guess only you know, it might be the security and stability that EVERY women wants, which is why you need wake up and get your life back in place, give her what she wants and needs, and win her back. and eventually you will reunite with your dog as well, so its for your girlfriend and your dog !! you need to redeem for taking her for granted (well, this is my advice)

Love is all about giving, and that is all you can do too. While the receiving depends on the whether other party is giving or not, which is not something that is within your control. Afterall, its still all about GIVING. so just take the pain that you are suffering now as part of the giving for your love of your ex- girlfriend.

Accepting the weaknesses of the partner can be considered as part of the giving as well, so isnt the promiscuousity of your ex suppose to be a thing you need to accept if you love her? of course provided she stop it when you and her are already back together. Well then, isnt that the true and innocent love that you thought cannot be achieved anymore?

Hope this helps, i have tried my best

[TheLostAdonis]

TheLostAdonis - not at all! I know for me personally, i will never find a girl like i had. I've met so many girls in my life and she was truely special, i've never clicked with a girl so well ever, i miss the fun we had, we did and went everywhere together and had a laugh wherever it was. Unfortunately she ended up cheating on me in the end whilst on holiday, she had a moment of weakness and it ended our relationship. When we finished it sent her a bit mad, she got with someone else and changed very quickly..........and i wont' go into the rest.

I'm just trying to block it all out. It's a mental battle every day. It's worse at the start and at the end, and when i wake up in the middle of the night - i truely loved this girl but she can't have thought the same (obviously). She was my everything, i did everything for her and loved her more than life itself. When she was gone, i started to question my life, like what is the point in living if i can't be with her. It was hard! Very Hard! and still is man. I miss my relationship so much and would give ANYTHING to be back in it, but i've accepted that its over, she's done too much and changed so much that it just isn't a possibility ever. Plus she's with someone else, and no matter what people say, there is no way you can get your head round that! Imagine getting back with her after she had been elsewhere??!? Think about what i said, some guy has had his cock in her? does that turn you on? it makes me feel physically sick!

You just need to get rid of everything, i took everything she ever give me, all our photos, letters everything to a special place we used to always go. It felt werid, on the journey there i felt she was in the car with me, when i got to the beach, i burn't the lot! I sat and cried whilst all the pictures burned, all the letters, all the special little things she give me! It was so so so hard, but after it, i never open a drawer and see a memory, and i feel like she's dead as werid as that sounds! I feel like i give her a final send off. This was only 3 weeks ago btw. I know i will never talk to her again in my life after what she has put me through in the aftermath of our relationship.

I'm just trying to get one with life, everyday i grow a little more distant from her, i am trying to make the effort to talk to girls, just so i feel better. It's hard, very hard as i'm very resentful and have been burn't very very bad. I still haven't had sex or even kissed a girl since we split up, because i wasn't ready to be intimate with a girl, i think i could be now though, i don't know we will see.

Are you going to try to be strong? do you want to live? because you aren't living at the moment my friend. You need to pull yourself out this pit of despair.




You have to think of it as playing a DVD. When the DVD starts playing of "her" you need to pick up the remote control and change the DVD. Because the reality is, its over, and she ain't coming back.

The aftermath you are talking about sounds similar to my situation. However, nothing "bad" happened between us when we were dating. She broke up with me but still loved me so we had this really twisted relationship that lasted for months where she was seeking other men but we were "officially" broken up at the point she started dating. Sure fire sign that she felt that she had to move on. I ****ed up. I ****ed up the relationship through mistakes that I made, small but persistent mistakes. I never defied the relationship, just never gave it my all. Hell in the beginning she was the one in love with me and she came after me, buying me presents, stopping by with lunches. Almost six years...the pain, the agony the aftermath, the dreams of her, our dog our future still haunt me and its been over a year since we broke up. Now she is engaged to be married to a man that is terminally ill, a man that graduated from college when I was in middle school. She took my dog, and my hopes and dreams for the future. My instinct told me that falling for any girl would be a mistake, but I thought she was "the one". Now she has changed, and acts like a stranger to me, not even a friend. She has taken my dog away, a dog that was with me through the hardest parts. All I feel is pain, my only thing that I can do is ignore life, I don't want anything anymore because I lost everything that mattered to me, because I made a mistake, because I didn't always listen to her. Right after she left both my grandmas died, I needed her more then than ever before. I just feel lost, and some days I wake up and all I feel is agony and I can't function. If my family wouldn't help me a little bit I wouldn't have been able to survive this. She's getting married. We both said that we were each other's true love. I remember this night on the beach in south america where we looked out at this vast canopy of stars in the sky and she was holding my hand and it was the best moment of my life, and I knew that I had found the thing in life that everyone spends a lifetime searching for, and most never find.

I squandered it. The perfect love, the happiest relationship. I SQUANDERED IT. Now I will have to live with this guilt and pain for the rest of my life. I can't replace her, I can't replace the dog. I am a ****ing ghost.

[cmacattack1]

Well what we are trying to tell you (at least I am) is that it does not have to be the end for you. I'm not disagreeing with your self loathing attitude, because you did **** up. I ****ed up my relationship too. The reason why we end up here on this site is because we screwed up more or less in our own way. The most important step on the road to recovery for you is forgiving yourself. You were young, you were inexperienced and you weren't going to learn anything within the boundries of the relationship because as long as you had her at the end of the day, there was no need to grow. And even if you did everything right, there was no guarentee she would have felt the same about you in the end anyway. People change their mind all the time. People feelings change all the time as well. I used to ask myself, and even ask her, "you told me you loved me and wanted to marry me and now you just don't?" She never really had an answer for it but she didn't need to. Her feelings faded away and I certainly was a contributing factor to that.

You were so dependant on her, I can understand why you feel so lost and useless right now. This is all the more reason to pull yourself out of this wallowing pit of self pity and despair. Your family and friends can support you, and you are lucky that they did, but they aren't going to get you out of this or through this by themselves. She is the only one that can save you, the only one that can sweep you off your feet and tell you that they are sorry and that they love you. Is she able to? Yes. Is she going to? No. Any amount of time spent waiting around will feel like an eternity and will be agonizing. Only you are able to do this.

Nobody can replace her and the memories you both have. Nobody can replace your dog and the memories you both have. There isn't a damn thing you can do about it. If there was, I'm sure you would have done it already. What are you going to do? Are you going to make an effort to get yourself back on your feet? Are you going to make an effort to rediscover and redefine yourself without her help? Are you going to do your absolute best to grow up and reach your potential? Or, would you rather be the person you are right now? You don't sound very happy.

Everything that you do and where you go is completely under your control.

[TheLostAdonis]

How can you forgive yourself when you stupidly screw up the best thing you ever had? The one thing in life that made you the happiest. Now all does is bring unrelenting agony. The age old addage is wrong, misery doesn't love company and most people could care less.

[cmacattack1]

Life is the best teacher. Losing my ex was the best thing ever to happen to me. It opened my eyes and really gave me a serious reality check. I am a much better person for it. Not only did I learn about relationships, but it brought me a new found focus for the direction I want my life to go into. If I recalled correctly, you don't exactly have a set job yet and that was a contributing factor into your future with your ex. This is your opportunity to make something of yourself.

It is what you make of it.

[TheLostAdonis]

Whats the point? I had a small dream. One thing that mattered an I wasted it. I screwed up the best thing I ever had. And it is impossible to replace what was lost. I have never dealt with a loss like this before, thats probably why its really screwing me up. I wake up at night and freak out when she or the dog isn't there. I'm plagued by nightmares of not being able to find my dog. She affirmed all my greatest fears and then left me in the dark. What am I supposed to learn? That putting faith and devotion into a loving relationship with a girl is one of the most dangerous things i person can do? I can' t say I have learned anything. Except for the pain of agony, and a loss that is irreplacable.

[cmacattack1]

Than this whole relationship and everything that it has stood for has been a complete waste. How you deal with the curve balls in life can really say a lot about somebody's character. You have to want to make the best of every situation you have and take the good out of it. You can wallow in your own pity party for as long as you want or you can soldier through it the best you can. I have dreams about my ex too six months after and I haven't dated her nearly as long as you have. I look at the side of the bed she used to be on and miss her too. I don't even know if I can even pretend my way through a happy conversation with her, which I am going to have to at some point when I run into her again. You find a way to deal.

I believe you when you say you have never experienced something this bad in your entire life. You have been with her for years and years and the whole is absolutely gaping. I'm telling you this is an opportunity to make something of yourself and you have to make an effort every single day to keep boosting your confidence and keep yourself as happy as you possibly can in this situation. You never know what the future holds, but I can promise you that if you aren't happy with yourself, you cannot and will not be happy with another person or even your ex if she all the sudden pops back into the picture. This path you are following of beating yourself up and depression is draining the life out of you and making the recovery progress and each and every day drag on.

I'm not saying that you can magically feel better about her. You can't help how you feel and you are going to think about her. You've analyzed it through and through, you knew where she went wrong as well as you and you know what needs to be done and what kind of person you can be to have a more mature advanced relationship.