Should you tell your friend about her cheating husband?

[girl68]

opps sorry I thought if I said smart bitch it wasn't such a bitch move on my part

[RdHrshyKss]

no worries girl68, i'm not attacking you or indi or vashti. i just think that women have a habit of getting carried away and there is no reason to be attacking each other.

[VincenzoG91]

Hey kids! I just wanted you to know that cheating is sometimes okay, as long as it's only temporary. Just don't get caught by your teachers!

And hey, I know that it seems like mommy and daddy hate each other, but gosh, we really don't! And even if we did, we're going to stay together because of you! Don't feel guilty about it, even if it's for you!

[Sonrisa]

sometimes...young posters....make me feel....like we were never young, and didn't have dysfunctional families, and our parent's never argued or divorced or cheated.

[VincenzoG91]

I'm 44, so you must be a really old lady, Sonrisa.

[Sonrisa]

look who's vain. i wasn't talking about you. period.

[IndiReloaded]

And hey, I know that it seems like mommy and daddy hate each other, but gosh, we really don't! And even if we did, we're going to stay together because of you! Don't feel guilty about it, even if it's for you!

Exactly. This^ is the kind of person whose children are probably better off if the parents divorce. They'd probably be better off with new parents, period, but like that old saying: Can't pick your family.

[IndiReloaded]

opps sorry I thought if I said smart bitch it wasn't such a bitch move on my part

LOL!

Oh jesus. You said I don't know shit. I do. It ain't the same shit, but I know shit. But I realize you're the smartest bitch around. Whatever.

Oh, okay, I'll admit it: You know shit.

Happy now? Somehow, I think that's not quite what you meant.

[girl68]

Sometimes it looks like there's peanuts in it. Sometimes it's just straight up runny. Yeah- I know shit. I've been pretty happy all along. Don't kid yourself thinking I actually lose sleep over this shit.

[Sonrisa]

Indi, but seriously, you say what i think before i even get a chance to write it out. only better. where can i learn how to express myself better? there should seriously be a class here - Indi 101

[IndiReloaded]

Sorry, I'm b/t calls. I should go back to it. All I do is write and meet ppl all day.

Do you want me to go back and delete posts so you can give it a go?

[RdHrshyKss]

wow, i'm learning so much about what you should do when your friend's husband is cheating on her! thanks so much guys!

[xxazurexx]

your "friend" sounds incredibly stupid to have ditched you without at least trying to find out if there was truth behind the accusation.

It is surprising how some people will react and when you tell them something like this. It's the last thing they ever wanted to hear. They go into a state of total denial and because they can't accept the truth. She turned on me rather than the culprit and no they had no kids.
Her partner actually confronted me and asked me why I'd opened my big mouth. I'd seen the dumb son of a bitch in action and he knew I had seen him and he'd actually asked me not to tell my friend!!!...But I did.

my god if my bff told me the love of my life was cheating the last person I'd be upset with is her! (but then again I have the most honest caring bff ever) she'd be the first and likely the only one I'd go to, to cry and vent and pick me up and carry me on.

When I suspected my ex husband was cheating for the second time, I'd approached a friend and asked her if she knew anything. At first she was hesitant to say anything. Then she said something along the lines of 'I don't want to get involved'. That then told me, that she did in fact know something. She then told me names, where the other woman lived and I was fine about it. I even thanked her for letting me know.

It's something I'd appreciate knowing and I certainly wouldn't fall out with the bearer of the bad news, but a lot do.
However, I'd keep my mouth shut in regard to other people.

[RdHrshyKss]

i don't know, the secrecy and the lack of being upfront with your friends just gets to me, because they can't be your real friend if they aren't looking out for your best interest. that to me would just be a selfish way of keeping someone in your life because you are afraid that they will blame you for some reason.

i don't know, maybe i am too "young and idealistic", but i sure as hell expect my friends to tell me if they knew my partner is cheating on me. if i found out that they knew and didn't tell me, i would say they weren't my real friends and just didn't want to deal with the hassle, even if it meant me being hurt in the process. screw that...

[IndiReloaded]

I didn't answer the actual question directly before so here goes:

1. If there were no kids and it was a good friend of mine, I would tell her without hesitation.

2. If there were kids I would have to consider the whole situation more carefully. I'd likely be more circumspect and suggest counselling (b/c they are almost certainly having other problems). Or, if I knew the couple really well, I might speak with the husband first. Tho, in that case, I'd probably talk to my husband about it and see if he could help. Depends on exactly circumstances of the cheating, really. And yes, since I'd be the one dropping the bomb, I do consider it my prerogative to decide under what conditions I would say something (or not).

Our friends marriages have had ups and downs over the years. Usually we support each other by having more frequent dinners, boys/girls outings, that kind of thing. It helps.