Why are so many people in their 20s taking so long to grow up?

[LailaK]

According to Indignant I'm a "grown up" if I get married and have children early.

That's dumb. I'm 25. I haven't lived with my parents since I was 17. I paid for school all by myself. I send money home to help them pay for their mortgage. I pay my own rent. I pay my own bills. Is that grown up enough for you?

I also recognize that my 20's are a time in my life where I can be selfish. I can live in my own apartment and decorate it however I want. I can spend my money to go on any vacation I want. I can have a job that let's me travel around the world without worrying about who is left behind at home. I can make mistakes like dating men that aren't that great and let the consequences roll off my back. I can make myself feel better with an assortment of flings. I can quit my job and start a new one for a salary increase just because I want to without worrying about the impact on my family.

Basically my twenties are a time when I can do whatever the f*ck I want. That's awesome. Why would I ruin that with a husband and kids? Once you have kids you CAN'T be selfish. Your life should be dedicated mostly to raising your kids correctly. Why the hell would I do that now instead of in my 30's? Not my plan.

If you don't like my lifestyle I think you should be asking yourself why you seem to care so much. There are so many other things to be indignant about.

[girl68]

it seems to happen more than often lately. guys will have girlfriends of any age, but when the time comes to marry and have children, they go for the young ones.

I am young. He's got 7 years on me. He's not some dumb dickwad who needs a 20 year old gf at 45.

How old are you? What makes you think you're not screwed (as you're making it seem) when you hit 25, 30, 35 and 50?

[lahnnabell]

it seems to happen more than often lately. guys will have girlfriends of any age, but when the time comes to marry and have children, they go for the young ones.

This also happens because for years women are taught to accept the behavior of men for what it is. "He's a man" is the typical line we all hear when we catch a guy staring at a woman's breasts, or the reason he didn't proactively wash the dishes. Women need to stop making excuses for immature, selfish behavior and stop characterizing it as typical male modus operandi.

By nature, women are nurturers. We haven't yet grown used to the task of setting goals and expectations for the men in our lives. We're still allowing ourselves to be dependent upon men for emotional and financial support because that has been deemed the safe, most beneficial option to date. But beneficial for whom? It's detrimental to a woman who wants to grow in other roles besides mom and homemaker. Men will never proactively support the female drive for independence because of the stigma attached to being a woman (i.e. too emotional, bad with finances, women can't drive, not physically strong enough).

[Indignant]

According to Indignant I'm a "grown up" if I get married and have children early.

That's dumb. I'm 25. I haven't lived with my parents since I was 17. I paid for school all by myself. I send money home to help them pay for their mortgage. I pay my own rent. I pay my own bills. Is that grown up enough for you?

I also recognize that my 20's are a time in my life where I can be selfish. I can live in my own apartment and decorate it however I want. I can spend my money to go on any vacation I want. I can have a job that let's me travel around the world without worrying about who is left behind at home. I can make mistakes like dating men that aren't that great and let the consequences roll off my back. I can make myself feel better with an assortment of flings. I can quit my job and start a new one for a salary increase just because I want to without worrying about the impact on my family.

Basically my twenties are a time when I can do whatever the f*ck I want. That's awesome. Why would I ruin that with a husband and kids? Once you have kids you CAN'T be selfish. Your life should be dedicated mostly to raising your kids correctly. Why the hell would I do that now instead of in my 30's? Not my plan.

If you don't like my lifestyle I think you should be asking yourself why you seem to care so much. There are so many other things to be indignant about.

how old was your mom when she had you?

[LailaK]

Also, are you saying I should adjust my goals and lifestyle because some man might not want me if I take this time to get an education and pursue my career?

I'm sorry. I didn't realize that men and their approval was the sole reason for my existence. I'll amend my behavior immediately.

[LailaK]

how old was your mom when she had you?

28. And your point?

[girl68]

can't and still won't say her own age.

yes, that's exactly what she's been saying! you're worthless (to men) when you're old.

[Indignant]

so she ruined her life by giving you one?

[Indignant]

can't and still won't say her own age.

oh gosh, everyone here who matters know my age.

[lahnnabell]

so she ruined her life by giving you one?

That is not what Laila is saying. For Laila and her own personal situation, marrying and/or having children at a younger age is not beneficial or feasible. There is nothing wrong with that viewpoint. She understands that the moment she does decide to marry and have children, she will need to sacrifice and compromise.

Is it possible to have kids and return to school later on? Sure. Is it easy? Hell no. Will you need help? Yes. Most women are finding it much more worthwhile to invest time into their own lives first before relying on anyone else. How many times do we see situations where men thought they wanted one thing, only to run away scared shitless of actually having to make real sacrifice to accommodate another person in their lives. Men develop slower than women do, and women accept this because it seems to be what is normal.

When you really enter into a strong, balanced partnership, both partners push and support the other one. They have expectations and standards that must be met, and this keeps people striving to be better individuals.

Why should it be up to the woman to sacrifice her goals? How about encouraging men to take responsibility at an earlier age and learn to grow up before they hit 30. Maybe relationships would last a lot longer and be more fulfilling if the man really decided to man up. And if a man wants to bail because he's not ready to leave Never Never Land then so be it. NEXT!

[girl68]

At this point your argument here is... at best amusing. I'm interested in what Giga and Indi will offer when they get here.

[LailaK]

so she ruined her life by giving you one?

Who do you think talked me out of getting married to my first boyfriend when I was 22?

My mother is the most amazing woman I've ever met. She loves me, but she admits that she wasted the majority of her 20's dating and marrying a man who wasn't worth the dirt underneath her shoe. That man was my biological father.

When my mom was 33 she met my adopted father. A man who was a much better choice and she married him as a mature woman who was ready to be a wife and mother. She wasn't prepared to become a divorced single mother when she was 28, but she damn sure had to get ready. Babies don't wait for you to grow the f*ck up.

My mom has always impressed upon me that she wanted me to complete my education, travel the world, make money and do whatever I want to do BEFORE I have kids. I know that there are things she always wanted to do but didn't get to do because she had me. That's the reason I buy her things like trips and massages and treats I know she wouldn't get for herself. I'm grateful that she gave up some of her experiences to raise me.

She would be disappointed if I continued the cycle of delaying my dreams to have kids early. I've never disappointed my mother and I won't start now. My mom is very proud of my accomplishments, including the fact that I'm 25 and childless.

Your argument is still dumb by the way.

[Indignant]

btw it's not my argument, it's NY times

[girl68]

I thought so, but you played into it and agreed like no tomorrow.

[doppelgaenger]

Damn, you ladies are vicious. Can I have some?