Why don't guys initiate contact first?

[smackie9]

Smackie, I think we aren't on the same page here. What age are you calling 'kids'? Thinking is hard work, but worth it for the future problems it avoids. Like early investing. Parents must train children to it so its part of their adult nature (i.e. 'hope' has nothing to do with it). This really isn't rocket science, is it?

Parents tell me their kids won't listen to them half the time and all the silly things they have done that don't make sense to them......I remember when I was like that, I made stupid mistakes, made bad choices...and I learned. I say most of it falls on deaf ears. I hear it all the time from the parents I work with and close friends....it seems not much has change in twenty, thirty years.

[IndiReloaded]

You don't have children? Okay, that explains things. I do, and I can tell you what I'm saying seems to work (so far at least). I admit, our parenting style may be atypical, tho.

[smackie9]

I'm not talking about parenting styles, I'm just talking about day to day norm of what I have seen from this age group. Even tho I'm not a parent I do give the mom talk to a lot of young people that come though our doors and on line. It can be from anything like birthcontrol to getting an education, or invest the 10 grand they just got from Gramma........like I said falls on deaf ears. So many still live at home or live with their GF's parents , don't have a driver's license....just no abition......tunnel vision. Some had their first child a 17, 18.....gives me the shivers just thinking about it. Oh and they are not with that partner anymore of course....too much short sightedness.

On the rare occasion we see a kid with their head on straight, hard working, real respectful, has common sense, stable, has their shit together......I say rare.

So are you saying that the parents of this generation fail?

[IndiReloaded]

So are you saying that the parents of this generation fail?

I guess in a way. The average kid today is exposed to so much more than our generation ever was, and with much less guidance. Kudos to you for trying to bridge that gap but, as you know, if the parents aren't engaged its difficult to find traction. Kids get a lot of their self-esteem from their parents, so when they get the message they [parents] can't be bothered, what hope for the child? Only thing you can do is give them principles to apply to their selfish desires that seems to have worked for another role model they respect. Its my strategy anyway, but I'm prepared to try another if I can be convinced its better.

[Sixpacj]

I may correct.... most men don't want women to step up and ask them out or be sexually aggressive because they view these women as easy or men feel emasculated because their role is being taken away from them. So damned if we do and damned if we don't. There is no make you men happy lol.

I am calling BS on this one. Men do not view such women as "easy", nor do they feel "emasculated" coz "their role is taken away".

[Sixpacj]

Yes, feminism is about having equal rights and respect but it isn't about turning women into men. In fact feminism takes serious consideration of the differences between men and women. For example, the right to contraception and abortion and punishment for rape have been supported by feminists on the basis of the biological difference between men and women. The dating/courting world also follow the same logic of female/male biological difference. Males are biologically wired to court his desired mate and females are biologically wired to desire courting and protection from her potential mate. This courting process is what creates genuine chemistry and attraction.

I hate to say this but...: you can't have a cake and eat it. You can't have a man "be a man" when it suits you (courting, protection, paying for you) and "not be a man" when it does not (when he does something that you will then arbitrarily qualify as "offensive to 'women'"). Men in general have woken up to this, which is why you have so many "liberated" and angry (unattractive or uninteresting to men) women.

[Sixpacj]

@ Smackie9

Hi Smackie, a question, if you don' t mind, why do you post so much under "ask a male"? you are not a male, are you?

I have noticed females have this tendency to offer advice on how to be a man, what a man feels, how he acts on those feelings... you seem to "know" so much about men's values, etc... why is this? Do you really think you know what it is to be a man?

Would it not be more polite to let men post here without you offering your $ 0,02 with such astounding frequency? Would it not be better for female posters who post here looking for advice?

[smackie9]

@ Smackie9

Hi Smackie, a question, if you don' t mind, why do you post so much under "ask a male"? you are not a male, are you?

I have noticed females have this tendency to offer advice on how to be a man, what a man feels, how he acts on those feelings... you seem to "know" so much about men's values, etc... why is this? Do you really think you know what it is to be a man?

Would it not be more polite to let men post here without you offering your $ 0,02 with such astounding frequency? Would it not be better for female posters who post here looking for advice?

it's not just me bud, their are other females that post on here too so don't just single me out. Like I'm going to listen to you anyways.

[smackie9]

Anyways this thread already long ended like a month ago.

[IndiReloaded]

I hate to say this but...: you can't have a cake and eat it. You can't have a man "be a man" when it suits you (courting, protection, paying for you) and "not be a man" when it does not (when he does something that you will then arbitrarily qualify as "offensive to 'women'").

Why not? Doesn't the double standard apply equally to men? Lots of guys out there who want their women to 'be women' when it suits (sex, maintaining a beautiful home, raising children) but also expect them to do the traditional male job of 'bringing home the bacon'.

Why do you think this is 'having ones cake and eating it too'? Why can't both sexes simply ask for what they want and have some likely chance of getting it? Especially if one is willing to give something back in exchange?

I'm a female professional with a good income. I'm a great mom, cook and manager of my home and finances. I'm a fun companion, in bed and out. Is it wrong that I expect my husband (who is also a professional) is likewise handy around the home, fun, and gives me some attention of the sort a female enjoys? Who's getting the crappy end of this deal?

[Wakeup]

Why not? Doesn't the double standard apply equally to men? Lots of guys out there who want their women to 'be women' when it suits (sex, maintaining a beautiful home, raising children) but also expect them to do the traditional male job of 'bringing home the bacon'.

Why do you think this is 'having ones cake and eating it too'? Why can't both sexes simply ask for what they want and have some likely chance of getting it? Especially if one is willing to give something back in exchange?

I'm a female professional with a good income. I'm a great mom, cook and manager of my home and finances. I'm a fun companion, in bed and out. Is it wrong that I expect my husband (who is also a professional) is likewise handy around the home, fun, and gives me some attention of the sort a female enjoys? Who's getting the crappy end of this deal?

Indeed! ...

[Sixpacj]

it's not just me bud, their are other females that post on here too so don't just single me out. Like I'm going to listen to you anyways.

I am not singling you out, I wrote "I have noticed females have this tendency..." I took you as an example cause you have written a lot in this thread.

And, pray tell, why would you not listen to me?

Coz if you listen to me, without instantly shoving down down my throat your view of everything, or rather your emotion, that will be construed as you agreeing with me? You don't have to agree with me. Don't agree with me on what it means to be female. But as regards "being male", I still think I know better, just by dint of having a set of testes that produce testosterone.

Is this what you do in such "ask a male" threads? You try to "police" the general view/vibe/emotion so it is not "dangerous" to you... Hm... I should starts writing under "ask a female", so everything is more in line with what *I think females should* be thinking and feeling...

[Sixpacj]

Why not? Doesn't the double standard apply equally to men? Lots of guys out there who want their women to 'be women' when it suits (sex, maintaining a beautiful home, raising children) but also expect them to do the traditional male job of 'bringing home the bacon'.

Why do you think this is 'having ones cake and eating it too'? Why can't both sexes simply ask for what they want and have some likely chance of getting it? Especially if one is willing to give something back in exchange?

I'm a female professional with a good income. I'm a great mom, cook and manager of my home and finances. I'm a fun companion, in bed and out. Is it wrong that I expect my husband (who is also a professional) is likewise handy around the home, fun, and gives me some attention of the sort a female enjoys? Who's getting the crappy end of this deal?

Good point in general and I'd tend to agree. As long as you don't claim that "men are biologically wired to pursue", or some other crap, while at the same time balking at "women are biologically wired to reproduce, take care of offspring, and stay at home".

[IndiReloaded]

Good point in general and I'd tend to agree. As long as you don't claim that "men are biologically wired to pursue", or some other crap, while at the same time balking at "women are biologically wired to reproduce, take care of offspring, and stay at home".

They actually are. Both men to pursue and women to nurture. Did you want me to provide proof in the form of genetics and biochemical papers to support this?

Or is the the word 'balking' that is key? I don't balk at it in the slightest. I know what my strengths are and I'm very prepared to admit that, in a house fire, I definitely want the hulking, testosterone-build fireman to rescue my family over a woman allowed that job b/c of equal opportunity legislation.

[Sixpacj]

Why not? Doesn't the double standard apply equally to men? Lots of guys out there who want their women to 'be women' when it suits (sex, maintaining a beautiful home, raising children) but also expect them to do the traditional male job of 'bringing home the bacon'.

Why do you think this is 'having ones cake and eating it too'? Why can't both sexes simply ask for what they want and have some likely chance of getting it? Especially if one is willing to give something back in exchange?

I'm a female professional with a good income. I'm a great mom, cook and manager of my home and finances. I'm a fun companion, in bed and out. Is it wrong that I expect my husband (who is also a professional) is likewise handy around the home, fun, and gives me some attention of the sort a female enjoys? Who's getting the crappy end of this deal?

Good point in general and I'd tend to agree. As long as you don't claim that "men are biologically wired to pursue", or some other crap, while at the same time balking at "women are biologically wired to reproduce, take care of offspring, and stay at home".