Heartbroken and lost - cannot get over my ex and want him back! help!

[surfhb2]

If you are really serious about getting him back then by all means you should give it a try. Atleast once. I am not saying go and plead to him. But there are ways to get your ex back. Its feels bad when people go into negative mindset and consider that its all over for their relationship. I can give you only this advice: Positive and Happy people are like magnets. Others get attracted to them. Lot of things can be achieved with a positive mindset. Be that magnet.

Ah Jeez! Did you even bother to read this thread before posting that? Furthermore, your blog sucks... Filled with the obvious and some cruel advice to boot. "Using reverse physiology to get your ex back" ? Wonderful advice! LOL

OP......these feelings will go away very soon. Maybe a month or 2...
You'll be fine soon.....just remember that.....it will come

[ruby_red]

I think thats a bit harsh wake up - im not stalking him! We only split up a few weeks ago and i have had no explanation, its human nature to question things and want answers especially if you were in love. And why wouldn't he want me in his life anymore, we were good friends and very close, i suppose i dont understand how you can just cut someone off.

[Guybrush]

If you are really serious about getting him back then by all means you should give it a try. Atleast once. I am not saying go and plead to him. But there are ways to get your ex back. Its feels bad when people go into negative mindset and consider that its all over for their relationship. I can give you only this advice: Positive and Happy people are like magnets. Others get attracted to them. Lot of things can be achieved with a positive mindset. Be that magnet.

Do you often give advice to people without trying to understand their situation first?

[Wakeup]

I think thats a bit harsh wake up - im not stalking him! We only split up a few weeks ago and i have had no explanation, its human nature to question things and want answers especially if you were in love. And why wouldn't he want me in his life anymore, we were good friends and very close, i suppose i dont understand how you can just cut someone off.

Yes, I Know you don't understand how you can just cut someone off... that is why you keep questioning it and why I suggested you read or get some help with getting to the point of understanding. I didn't mean to be harsh... just straight forward and eye opening which often appears harsh to those who don't want to understand or are unable to understand and are clinging to their pain ~ that THE proven best method of getting over someone is to go cold turkey zero contact non-creeping social networking sites not dwelling on what was OR COULD HAVE BEEN and keeping busy doing things you enjoy with people who you enjoy.

It's been mentioned before that older posters had it easier than you younger ones because not everyone in the world had an internet page advertising their lives to everyone else so we didn't have that crap to contend with at least.

Anyway, harsh or no, Ruby. It does you no good to peek at what he's up to now and he did the best thing for you by blocking you from seeing what he's up to. You'll realize that eventually.

Look at it this way: Why would you want to be friends with someone who gave you no explanation for vacating your life like he did?

Hope you feel indifferent to him and what he's doing soon.

[kskts6115]

I do have to agree with wakeup on the social media thing. As hard as it is you have to try not to look at his page. I also struggle with this and it is hard and I do slip too. We're human. But I think looking will upset you more and just try to avoid it if you can. I'm trying to avoid facebook altogether right now because it doesn't help to see how happy other people are when you are going through this and I think right now you just need some you time. I'm going to put together a list of positive things I want to do and hopefully that will distract me. I'll let you know if this helps and maybe you can try it too.

I definitely feel like I can connect with you when you said it takes a long time to break down barriers and when you do you fall deep. I fit this category too and believe me it doesn't make trusting anyone easier. Sadly I find that people tend to let you down and it may be pessimistic to say this but I haven't been proven wrong yet. But as far as the just cutting someone out of your life.. I don't get it either and I'm going through it too. It just feels weird not talking and it hurts like crazy but I think its getting easier. I just hate that someone I care about might not be in my life anymore not even as a friend and that kills me. It sucks so much I know. And I don't get why they do it either but I can tell you you aren't alone with this feeling. Are things getting a little easier for you? And don't let anyone here make you feel crazy because you aren't, you're just going through a hard time.

And as far as the letter.. as much as I want to send it I don't know if I will. Everything I read says don't do it so I'm pretty hesitant. I wouldn't even expect a response back it was just me saying what I need to say. Closure I guess. But I'm still going to think on it more..

[Wakeup]

I think writing it all out, tucking it away, reading it again in another month (to check your progress emotionally) and then burning the letter when you're good and ready, is a great thing to do. Let your last bits of clinging to the disappointment of this not being your life-mate drift away with the smoke. I also think that "I'm sending you this to get closure" letters are for our eyes alone and shouldn't be shared with the person who didn't have the ballzzz to tell you it's over. That's giving yourself closure and it's far more potent to helping you move on then anything he could ever say to you could help you with because everything he could ever say to you will just provoke yet another question

On edit:

I'm trying to avoid facebook altogether right now because it doesn't help to see how happy other people are when you are going through this and I think right now you just need some you time. I'm going to put together a list of positive things I want to do and hopefully that will distract me. I'll let you know if this helps and maybe you can try it too.

I like. *two thumbs up*

[Lissy0404]

As soon I open my account here, I notice how there is so many people out there, suffering from love. It is comforting knowing that you are the only one loosing your mind, or depressed after a break up. In fact 3 days ago, I broke up with the man I love deeply. After 3 or more years of relationship, he said " I don't love you", and I left. During this days, I haven't being as busy as I wish, however, when I lose control, and feel like I want to call him, because I miss him. I think of what he said. And tell myself, there is no point, to fight if there is no love. So, I haven't contact him, and I hope I don't. He doesn't deserved it. Break up are terrible, loosing the one you love is worse.

[Lissy0404]

My boyfriend text me o Sunday. One day after our break up. My day got worse as soon I text him back. He ask me " how you are doing", I respond with I miss you. He said "maybe". He was awfully cold on his text, however, he mention " the practice was not the same without you". I feel worse now... so no don't respond.

[kskts6115]

Lissy0404 I know just how you feel. Although my relationship was not quite as long. I told my boyfriend I loved him and he said he could never feel that way. Pretty horrible feeling I know. It hurts so much to love someone who doesn't feel the same way about you. And just like you 3 days after he texted me asking if I was okay. It felt great talking to him but now its been over a week with nothing. It makes me feel so unimportant and like I was nothing and something easy to get over and replace. It makes me feel awful and I'm sure you are in a similar place. I just don't know how you ever get over giving your heart to someone who doesn't want it.

[Wakeup]

It just feels weird not talking and it hurts like crazy but I think its getting easier. I just hate that someone I care about might not be in my life anymore not even as a friend and that kills me. It sucks so much I know. And I don't get why they do it either but I can tell you you aren't alone

Of course neither of you are alone. Who cares really, though? Does knowing that others don't understand human nature make it any easier to get over someone? Not really no, it doesn't.

The thing to keep in mind, that will help you to give YOURSELF the closure you need so that you'll be able to accept the ending of the relationship (and subsequently start to heal) is that if your loved one were to die suddenly, you'd certainly not have him/her to talk to anymore, they wouldn't be texting, email or phoning you anymore and you would HAVE TO give yourself closure. Pretend he's dead. You'll feel better faster if you do. All the what-ifing and if-onlying... is counter productive to your getting to the stage of indifference to him/her.

[ruby_red]

Although you have been my logical mind throughout all this Wakeup and I agree with most of what you say, I'm sorry but you can be quite blunt and cold. You speak logic but I know that emotions can over rule logic a lot of the time.

Lissy0404 and kskts6115 - will you questioning why your partners broke up with you help, no, but it is natural. I still after weeks and weeks still everyday question why he, who I thought was the one, broke up with me and I have now written him numerous letters to no avail. And it hurts more but no matter how many times people told me not to i'm only ever going to move on when i'm ready. It's like giving up smoking, you can only ever do it when you believe and truly want to. And the best way of getting over someone is to go cold turkey, cut off all contact (even if they text you ignore them) but I know how hard that is and understand what you are going through. People can tell you till your blue in the face that you deserve better but until you truly believe that you wont move on. The fact is you do deserve better not because they (he) isn't good enough for you but because it wasn't working and there will be someone out there that it will work with. I have spent months crying over my ex and I still cry over it but I have realised that he doesn't care about me anymore and i'm more afraid of being on my own than being without him. We are human beings, we are social animals and its not natural for us to be on our own but before we are truly happy in ourselves then we can't be happy with anyone either.

Im still heartbroken completely and have so many unanswered questions, I still have moments that I feel so anxious that he will never be in my life anymore (and I even think he will be one day) but life does go on and there are so many others out there in worst scenarios than us. I have started writing a diary and it really helps and before bed I write 3 things that have happened today. It does help.

People on here have really helped me but I know that no matter what anyones advice I need to heal in my own time but I will heal.

If you ever want to vent please message me and I will you xx

[Wakeup]

Although you have been my logical mind throughout all this Wakeup and I agree with most of what you say, I'm sorry but you can be quite blunt and cold. You speak logic but I know that emotions can over rule logic a lot of the time.

You'll get enough "there / theres' from most everyone else in here. There comes a time when there is no point in continuing to be ruled by your emotions and it's time to start logicing things out... before you end up making your questions and your pain your best friend. *I feel for you, I do. But, someone's gotta be logical in all this while offering advice on how to overcome it all. Up to you if you take the advice or deep six it or, even read it, of course.

[ruby_red]

Wakeup I've taken all of your help and listened to your opinions and ill say its been invaluable and helped me so much. All i'm saying is that you can listen to all the advice in the world but until you start believing things yourself you're never gonna move on. Some people have deeper emotions than others and some people cant deal with their emotions as well as others - im one of those people! I am obviously more led by the right side of my brain and ignore the left! I wish i could be more logical but im not which is why i need someone to tell me how it is! But i also need someone who has been through what i have and vent to.

[Wakeup]

Everyone here has been what you've been through at one time or another and have lost someone they've loved through break-up and/or death so, even a logical thinker knows about the roller coaster ride of emotions you're going through and of the dangers of letting your emotions rule you.

What are you doing to in way of actions (other than journaling) that will keep your mind off these unanswered questions that are plaguing you currently? Are you working now? Have you joined a gym, taken any courses, joined any groups, gone out with friends/family, started a new hobby? What's new with you activity wise?

[ashley89]

Lissy0404 I know just how you feel. Although my relationship was not quite as long. I told my boyfriend I loved him and he said he could never feel that way. Pretty horrible feeling I know. It hurts so much to love someone who doesn't feel the same way about you. And just like you 3 days after he texted me asking if I was okay. It felt great talking to him but now its been over a week with nothing. It makes me feel so unimportant and like I was nothing and something easy to get over and replace. It makes me feel awful and I'm sure you are in a similar place. I just don't know how you ever get over giving your heart to someone who doesn't want it.

sorry I'm just jumping into this post but I saw some of these and it reminded me SO MUCH of my breakup with my ex that I had to say something. we broke up just about 2 years ago after being together about a year and a half, one day he just told me he didn't love me anymore and didn't want to be with me, gave no more detail, ignored me for about 4 days, then met up with me and gave me false hope thinking we might be able to work it out, but a few days later said it was over. I was devastated, heartbroken, depressed, I didn't eat for about a week. all I did was cry, try to sleep, and walk around like a zombie. little by little I tried to get in touch with old friends, get back to being independent, and I was having fun but I would always go home at the end of the night and cry. I started keeping a journal where I would write my feelings and sometimes write letters as if they were to him expressing my anger, thoughts, sadness, etc. 2 months after our breakup I found out he was dating a girl who I knew, and I lost it. it was like being dumped all over again except with an extra twist this time. one of my best friends said to me, why are you even friends on fb still? that night I deleted him (and her since I was friends with her too) off facebook, deleted every picture of him out of my camera and off my computer, and officially just removed him from my life. I don't know why I kept that stuff anyways. it took a very long time (about a year really, maybe a little less) for me to be COMPLETELY over him. but I tell you from the other side... it does happen. you will be ok, you will get over him, you will be happy again!

I remember when it first happened being in such a dark place and thinking, "how will I ever get through this?" I couldn't imagine not ever talking to him or seeing him again, and the thought of him with someone else made me sick to my stomach. well it has been 2 years and I'm still surviving. I hardly ever think of him, and when I do it's an indifferent thought. I don't really feel angry or sad anymore, and I don't regret being with him. it taught me a lot of lessons. I've seen him out since and things are cordial, I wouldn't necessarily strike up a conversation with the guy but it's not like my heart rips apart at the seams. you're doing really good by avoiding contact with him. any guy who doesn't feel the same as you isn't worth it and you deserve better! I recommend the books "It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken" and "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt. those helped me a lot, they made me laugh and cry and they give awesome tips on how to deal with breakups. hang in there and feel free to message me if you need anything =)