Have I done the right thing?

[searock]

Then see a therapist to help you gain more confidence so that you don't have to depend on anyone else to be happy.

[abbey3]

Thankyou, I am seeing him tonight.

I am planning on working on my own insecurities and also growing up in terms of how I behave in the relationship.

I am going to ask him however if we are on the same page and that we both see a future together, and if that's the case I will try go with the flow.

But I have always been a planner even before I met this man, not having a plan in place actually makes me anxious and uneasy.

[searock]

I am going to ask him however if we are on the same page and that we both see a future together, and if that's the case I will try go with the flow.

You're going to ask him that again? He must be a VERY patient man... he already told you that he is committed to you and wants to be happy with you, so why do you feel the need to actually hear him say "I see a future together"? You are a planner, but he is clearly not... don't force him to be something he isn't, or to say something he doesn't want to say. He feels like you're trying to tie him down, and this makes him uneasy (it may be because he's still a bit immature). If it's a deal-breaker for you, just leave.

[abbey3]

I never have actually had a 5 year plan!!!

But I just want to know the person I am with sees a future with me and that the relationship is going somewhere-I think that's only reasonable

[surfhb2]

I never have actually had a 5 year plan!!!

But I just want to know the person I am with sees a future with me and that the relationship is going somewhere-I think that's only reasonable

Oh jesus christ Almighty! It's not reasonable if the other person doesn't see it that way... You've only been together a paltry 18 months and you're young. Ever hear of taking it slow?

Get help now....for the next guys sake

[searock]

I guess the question is: if he doesn't see a future with you, does that mean he doesn't love you as much as you love him, or isn't committed to you as much as you are to him? Am I right, abbey?

If that's not the reason for which you want so badly for him to say those words, then why else are you so obsessed with it? Why can't you just enjoy your time with him day by day?

[abbey3]

I guess the question is: if he doesn't see a future with you, does that mean he doesn't love you as much as you love him, or isn't committed to you as much as you are to him? Am I right, abbey?

If that's not the reason for which you want so badly for him to say those words, then why else are you so obsessed with it? Why can't you just enjoy your time with him day by day?

Yeah pretty much- I believe of you love someone then you want them and picture a future with them.

And if that's not the case you'r not really that special to a person.

If you don't see yourself having a future with that person why bother- your wasting eachothers time

I know that's just my view on things.

But if my boyfriend did truly love me surely he would want to spend his future with me

[searock]

Yeah pretty much- I believe of you love someone then you want them and picture a future with them.

And if that's not the case you'r not really that special to a person.

If you don't see yourself having a future with that person why bother- your wasting eachothers time

I know that's just my view on things.

But if my boyfriend did truly love me surely he would want to spend his future with me

If this is what you think, then you already have you answer: he already told you that he wants to live day by day, without making plans for the future. Based on your definition, you boyfriend doesn't love you enough. So you should break up with him.

[Wakeup]

And if that's not the case you'r not really that special to a person.

Well then why don't you just leave him alone since in your own mind he doesn't love you. Seriously, you're trying to put a square peg into a round hole.

In fact, in your mind ~ if he did truly love you he would kiss your ass and like your first bf who fawned over you and told you every thought he had in his head, you'd get bored and dump him... so just dump him now.

Do seriously consider personal therapy once you kick this one to the curb... I'd hate to think you're still caught in this loop when you're in a home for the aged.

[abbey3]

But is my definition wrong this is what I can't work out.

I'm afraid of carrying on and getting hurt in the end because I was never really was the girl he really wanted.

Or can you still love someone and take it day by day?

[Wakeup]

But is my definition wrong this is what I can't work out.

I'm afraid of carrying on and getting hurt in the end because I was never really was the girl he really wanted.

Or can you still love someone and take it day by day?

You are a needy, annoying girlfriend. I'm sorry but that, from what you're sharing is the truth. A rational women would understand that after this behaviour you've displayed to your bf, would understand that he would be reluctant to trust that you won't continue to be insecure, untrusting, needy and annoying... You have to prove yourself now and that, IMO is why he won't lie to you and tell you that he see's a future with you because he's smart enough to take this one day at a time until he's sure you're not going to go psycho on his ass.

If YOU love him then YOU will take it day by day while getting your therapy and learning to be happy and comfortable in your own skin.

Time to grow up, abbey. Either that or leave and find someone who isn't as confident as the guy you're with because at this point, you don't know how to handle or exist without angst with a guy like him.

[abbey3]

I know I have a problem and I am a needy and annoying girlfriend.

And I know I definatley need to grow up.

But my biggest issue was from an outside perspective and all the things I have said- does it seeks like he does love me.

[searock]

Seriously though, she does pose an interesting question. If a person (who is generally a planner) can't see a future together with the person they are in a relationship with, does that mean they aren't fully invested in the relationship?

[abbey3]

Seriously though, she does pose an interesting question. If a person (who is generally a planner) can't see a future together with the person they are in a relationship with, does that mean they aren't fully invested in the relationship?

He isn't generally a planner- he never plans anything, likes to just 'go with the flow'

Im the obsessive planner!!

[Wakeup]

OMG! You even need reassurance from strangers on the internet over and over yet again who have never even spent a moment of time with you or him.

Why don't you reflect on what this man has put up with from you and decide on your own whether you think he loves you or not? Pay particular attention to any loving actions (or lack thereof) he has sent your way when you do your inner reflection. I suggest you stop relying on words of affirmation from this man if you want to spend more time with him. It isn't his style by the sounds of things.