Why do Looks only matter to young women?.

[ashley89]

I disagree. I dont think there is anything wrong with being a working mum. And I have family that would be happy to help with childcare a few days a week. I could get a nanny in my home or work part time if necessary. I love kids and Id be a great mum. But I want to be able to provide for them and give them the best in life. What is wrong with that?
Also I dont believe in being financially dependant on a man. Thats giving him permision to walk all over you, treat you badly, have an affair etc and you cannot do a thing about it because you are trapped.

That will not be my life. I will always have a get out of jail free card if I need one. I wont give up my independence but my kids will be loved and looked after every day.

as someone who is a full time nanny currently and have worked with kids in daycares for years, I don't know if this is what you want. you will be spending crap loads of money to pay OTHER people to watch your kids. unless you only work part time or something, how are you really gonna be responsible for raising your kids if you're always paying someone else to? I have seen plenty of parents who have great jobs but would drop their kids off at school at 6:30 am and not pick them up til 6 pm. what kind of life is that for your kids? they constantly have to fight with other kids for toys, attention, etc. and then the parents sit back and wonder why they act the way they do. and having other random people care for your kids isn't the same as taking care of your own flesh and blood. if you're gonna be one of those parents, strongly consider whether you want kids or not. I have seen way too many people who have kids just so they appear to be a well-rounded family or maybe cause they feel they're "supposed" to rather than actually wanting to have them and care for them themselves. just something to think about

[ReallyHotGuy]

Adhering to certain beauty canons doesn't mean "being attractive". A woman can be attracted to a man even if he is miles away from beauty canons. I provided you with evidence from my personal experience, and if you look closer, other posters on this thread have provided further evidence from their own personal experience.

And it's "you're wrong".

I agree that it can happen, but you should never count on it. Couples are mostly looks matched, keep in mind that makeup gives women advantage. I was in shock when i saw females i know with no makeup.

[basilandthyme]

Regarding Michelle and the working mum thing... Perhaps it's an idea for those of us who are parents to remember being like Michelle with all the ideas of what we will and won't do and how it will all work. It's totally normal to have all those plans of what it will be like.

Me? I was going to spend the first year at home, be a keen breastfeeder, then go back to work and have children who were flexible and fitted in with my schedule.

As it turned out, my son was disabled so returning to work was out of the question. But even if he wasn't disabled, I ended up feeling like the best place for me to be was at home anyway. Breastfeeding him was a disaster and he was on forumla within 3 weeks and I turned into a sleep/routine nazi and I also had issues with depression. Yep, love how my plans worked out!

Not saying that one's plans can't work out - it may go completely to plan. But I would be a hypocrite to criticise someone else's plans :-)

[michelle23]

Ahh, I see. Well, let's hope your family won't mind taking responsibility for YOUR children so that you can afford to buy them a bunch of crap they don't need, and let's hope your nanny makes a good mommy for your kids.

As for your issues with men... eek. You must know know very many good ones.

if you have a problem with carewomen-that is your problem-not mine. I know lots of working mums whos kids are well looked after and happy. Lets just agree to disagree on that one.

I dont have issues with men- i know there are lots of great men. But i do not want to be dependant on one. What is wrong with that?

When the kids start school-id only be gone for an hour or two as id aim to get home for 6. I dont see them going to their grannys for a few hours as a big issue..


I find your comments very offensive. I dont have any problem with women who choose to stay at home-that is their choice. But the majority of women where i come from work after they have kids and it is seen as the norm.. Some work part time-some full time.

Women have fought for years to have equal rights-i have no intention of giving up my career. And if you dont like that-i couldnt give a toss. Most men dont want a housewife these days anyway-its a lot of financial pressure to place on a man. Many families cannot survive on one income

[michelle23]

I dont no why your all getting out the pitch forks here because of my post. My mum worked all my life as did my parners mum- all my aunts did and plenty of my friends who have kids work too.

What is wrong with having a life outside the home. Id be home every night and all weekend. The kids start preschool at the age of 3 and then school for the next 13years-then college.. Working while there being educated is not neglecting your children..

Cant believe what i said started a big debate..

All i can say is seriously?

[bearz]

Many families cannot survive on one income

This is a pretty big issue nowadays. Unless one of the parents has a high paying job both usually will have to work, even if one of them just works part-time.

Personally, I don't think it's right to put a child into daycare all day long. My father had a full-time job and my mother was a stay-home mom and when I started school, she would pick up a part-time job to make some extra money, but she would be back home before I got out of school and therefore was able to take care of me for the rest of the day. I can say I was raised pretty well and got plenty of love from my parents. I don't think a lot of people whose parents both worked full time can say the same.

[michelle23]

I never said a thing about daycare and i would never be gone from 6:30am. Your all just making assumptions about me now.

I live and work in a small town which means i could drop the kids to school and collect them myself-possibly drop them to a relatives for 2hours max 2 or 3 evenings a week.

My partner also works 5minutes from our house.

I have studied early childhood studies, psychology and social studies-i used to work with children and i have already done this whole debate ten times in college etc. Just because i want to work does not mean i should not have kids. That is a very nasty thing to say and very offensive to all the working mothers in the world

[bearz]

Even though I quoted part of your post, my response was not directed at you personally. I'm not judging anyone here. I just stated that I wouldn't want kids to be without their parents for most of the day which according to you, wouldn't be the case in your situation. In fact, I think what you would do is actually the best compromise between wanting to take care of your children and wanting to work.

However, having children is a huge commitment to one another and the child, at least it should be, and simply pushing the child off to someone else for 5 days a week is the wrong thing to do. Obviously, there are circumstances were someone doesn't have a choice.

[Fjortis]

ReallyHotGuy

Actually, there was a study that showed that people tend to be attracted to others with the same level of "attractiveness" So someone with roughly 7 out of 10 will likely chose another person who is 6.5 to 7.5..(again roughly, because it's impossible to rate attractiveness very accurately). But men had a chance to increase their attractiveness by having a nice car or other attributes of success. Which makes sense, because evolutionary women are programmed to seek someone who can support them, you know a woman is pregnant for 9 months and then she has to constantly care for a newborn, so she needs someone who can provide for her during that time. Our society has changed so now she won't die if she is left alone pregnant, but it happened very recently and our brains did not have time to change, besides there is still the fact of pregnancy and caring for a newborn which is STILL hard if your husband cannot afford for you to stay home during that time.
So do not blame women for wanting a responsible and successful partner all she subconciously cares about is the future of the humankind! (our children are our future) No seriously!

[toknow]

all she subconciously cares about is the future of the humankind![/b]

ROFL...Yeah, and that's also why she can spend every other day at the mall buying tons of clothes and shoes she doesn't really need. Wait...she does it because she cares for the economy!

Fact is mother's care for her child is the most selfish kind of care, unless she has adopted the child. The child is practically a smaller version of her, so stop saying she is doing anything for human kind - she is doing it for herself, and is "tricked" into helping human kind with her selfishness. I'm not saying this as an insult, one must love and respect their mother and care for her as well, it's just a fact that is often overlooked praising someone where they should not be praised. It's a given - a mother is supposed to care for her child, if she does that, that alone doesn't make her a great person, she is doing her responsibilities. Hit ler also cared for his children.

[michelle23]

There actually isn't. Otherwise, a lot of folks wouldn't die alone, now would they?

If someone spends their life alone it is probably because they are an introvert..

[kskts6115]

okay as for the parent debate going on here I think it's hard to be a stay at home mom nowadays. Pretty much impossible really unless your husband is rich or you inherited money. I see nothing wrong with taking time off until your kids are in school and then returning to some wort of work. I was actually raised that way. My mom stayed home until we were in school and picked up either night jobs or things she could do from home because like I said in today's world with mortgages and bills you really can't live well with one working parent. Then she returned to working full time by the time I was probably in third grade. I think there does need to be a balance though. I have worked with children and see what happens when they are in daycare too long or not getting enough time with their parents. Most kids have no discipline now because they don't get it at home because the parents are never home. So I think that this is honestly a balancing act and doing what is best for your family. I personally think I was brought up well and learned that to get somewhere in life you have to work for it by watching my mom because she did it all-had a job, a family, and still managed to go to everyone of our sports games no matter how far away it was and cook dinner. I just think people now just don't make the effort anymore and maybe that's the problem. They don't have those family dinners or fun weekends because they are too self-absorbed. It's really just a different world.

[Fjortis]

Fact is mother's care for her child is the most selfish kind of care, unless she has adopted the child. The child is practically a smaller version of her, so stop saying she is doing anything for human kind - she is doing it for herself, and is "tricked" into helping human kind with her selfishness. I'm not saying this as an insult, one must love and respect their mother and care for her as well, it's just a fact that is often overlooked praising someone where they should not be praised. It's a given - a mother is supposed to care for her child, if she does that, that alone doesn't make her a great person, she is doing her responsibilities. Hit ler also cared for his children

She doesn't care for the version of herself only, but a version of YOU also, if you are a guy and a father of the kid. You are saying caring for a child is nothing to be praised for, it's natural, yet many FATHERS who are also supposed to care for "a version of themselves" too, don't do that (they abandon their duties way more often than women do, and no, just paying child support is not the same as staying with the kid 24/7, but many fathers don't even give that), so at least for that reason alone women deserve praise.

[vashti]

Hit ler also cared for his children.

Hitler didn't have any children, you freak! lol

I agree that it IS a parent's responsibility to care for their own children, though.

[michelle23]

[QUOTE=They don't have those family dinners or fun weekends because they are too self-absorbed. It's really just a different world.[/QUOTE]

Well I would have all of that. I was judged wrongly here for saying I don't want to stay at home every day after I have kids. If I had kids of my own-I would aim to spend as much time as possible with them and cut back on some of my hours if I can afford to.

I plan to have a much better job with better money before I have kids so then I will have more choices such as working part time. All you stay at home mums (vashti) can judge me all you like. Just because you stay at home with your kids does not give you the right to put yourself up on a pedastil and look down your nose at women who don't. That is snotty, rude and ignorant.

Also I know a few stay at home mums who let there kids sit in front of the telly all day long. I know a one year old child who has a room full of toys but prefers to sit watching peppa pig all day and if someone changes the channel-she cries until she gets her own way. Too much attention=very spoilt children. She also has no routine. She sleeps half the day and is up all night. I think the kid would be better off in a creche 2 days a week with the telly off learning social skills, interacting with other children, learning fine motor skills such as eye-hand coordination etc. You think I dont have a clue what I'm on about but you are wrong. All those activities are very good for children. It also prepares them for school so they are not clung to their mothers apron strings screaming their heads off as the thought of being away from her for a few hours almost kills them.

I know another child who has never spent any amount of time away from his mother. He is 3. His speech was very delayed so he needed speech therapy just so he could fit in-in a pre-school. He was terrified of starting school and cried every single day. His therapist told his mum that too much time at home with mummy can be a bad thing. They need to be around other children.

Another friend of mine who had a premature baby 2 years ago was told by her doctor that the child needs to go to a creche to speed up her development.

You can sit there and judge others for their choices all you like. But get your facts straight before you say something as nasty as "you should not have kids".

All the kids in my family have turned out perfectly fine, healthy happy children that know they are loved. They are well behaved, not spoilt, they get on really well with other children, there all very clever, good in school, have lots of friends and extra curricular activities. And we had dinner every night as a family, both my parents came to my sports days etc, we had family holidays every year, we had days out at the weekend. And a lot of the women in my family work so what do you say to that?

I must say I am shocked in this day and age that there are still people who judge women who want to work. Its fine if you have a rich husband but I don't need a man to support me. I believe in equality. Men are not considered bad fathers for working 80 hours a week while there wife stays at home and somehow his kids still know he loves them. Is it not better to have a balance-he works 40 hours and she does 20-30 or vice versa and then they can both be home with the kids at the same time other than to have one parent there all the time and the other never around..

My cousins gf stays at home and minds their child. He works from 12-8 six days a week which means he hardly ever gets to spend time with his toddler. An hour in the morning before he leaves. Is that enough?