I think I want to "turn it off". But how?

[Wakeup]

Sounds like she's going through the entire first shift. Ugh!

[bcgirl]

Well to each their own. She obviously is attracted to certain types of men. The fact that she had made fun of these types of guys and then now dating them speaks volumes about the type of girl she is and you wouldn't want a girl like that anyways. She talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk and when it comes down to it, she'd rather a player type. I think you put her on such a pedestile that you refuse to see her flaws, and when u r to look deeper there are lots and you should not be dwelling too much on her. She is nothing but a c@ck tease who strings u along because she likes her ego stroked and knows you are into her, but she will never date u. Ah well, it is life. Many young girls are attracted to the "alpha male" types and when they get older they realize they shoulda went for the quiet nerdy boy. She'll learn and so will you. You fell for a c@ck tease who used you for her ego boost, don't waste more time because when it comes down to it...that is the foundation of your so called "friendship"

[Indestructible]

She'll learn and so will you.

I'll learn what, though? If anything, I feel more confused than ever. Like I said way back in the earlier posts of this topic, I know I'll never be able to win a girl over based on physical attraction, so I have to bank on making a mental/ emotional connection. Yet, on the rare occasions I do make that connection with a girl, she's interested in other guys for other things. What am I supposed to learn from that? Because all I get from that is that nothing I have matters to anyone.

[bcgirl]

You will learn with time. You need to change your approach and stop getting attracted to girls that only want "friendship" and nothing more. If you are constantly finding yourself in similar situations of girls always rejecting you, well then there must be something wrong with the type of girls you are into. Same goes for those girls who constantly goes for guys who treat them sh!tty and wonder why they go from one abusive relationship to another and then think that all men are cheating scum. Next time, try hitting up a chick you wouldn't normally be into and see where that goes. I bet u will have better luck that way than wasting 5 yrs trying to get with a chick that has zero interest in you romantically.

[Indestructible]

You will learn with time. You need to change your approach and stop getting attracted to girls that only want "friendship" and nothing more. If you are constantly finding yourself in similar situations of girls always rejecting you, well then there must be something wrong with the type of girls you are into.

I don't understand how I'm supposed to figure that out, though. I mean, you can't exactly know what a girl wants from you, can you? Honestly, when she and I started hitting it off, it was actually her that was initiating a lot of that in the first place. In the beginning, I wasn't really giving it any thought, and just sort of staying in my own little "bubble", but I noticed she was actively coming to me to talk and joke around, and the more she kept actively trying to get me to open up to her, the more I started seeing how attractive I found her overall. I started reciprocating her level of interest, and opening up more, and there were times where she'd say something overly cutesy or girly (which is very out of character for her) about me opening up to her. We found a crazy amount of things we had in common, and we even agreed on some pretty major topics, like politics, marriage, kids, etc. Honestly, I don't know how I misread the whole thing so badly. I wouldn't label her as a "tease" or anything like that, and I never felt that way about what happened.

But I just don't know how to discern between a girl only seeking friendship and a girl seeking out something more. I've never had a girl actively give me any kind of attention at all; this whole thing with this girl just felt very... different. I mean, obviously, like I said, I must've misread the whole thing, but I dunno, I just don't get it. It's all so confusing, and now I'm always going to be confused as to how to tell what a girl wants.

Next time, try hitting up a chick you wouldn't normally be into and see where that goes. I bet u will have better luck that way than wasting 5 yrs trying to get with a chick that has zero interest in you romantically.

*shrug* See, the idea of asking out girls I'm not attracted to just seems bizarre to me. I'm not saying I need to be head over heels for a girl to want to ask her out (though that seems to be a byproduct of me being attracted to a girl at all), but 98% of girls I meet and encounter just don't stir that up in me. It's not that I'm actively thinking "Don't want to date her, don't want to date her, etc.", but I'm just kinda not paying attention to girls that way unless one of them manages to stir something up in me. I just don't make that kind of connection with girls very often at all, and I can pretty much guarantee that if I did ask out and actually go on a date with some random girl I'm not particularly attracted to, it would be awkward and uncomfortable, and wouldn't go anywhere.

[bcgirl]

^ that is why you are 25 and still single. You need to be more open minded with the types of girls you wanna date. If you are just sitting around at home and waiting for a girl to come up to you and initiate something, well this can take forever. Many girls out there are expecting the guys to initiate things. You are not giving 98% of girls chances which leave only 2% of the female population you encounter. That isn't very good probability that the 2% of girls you meet would be single, be interested in you, would initiate interest in you. You claim that you weren't even interested in this dream girl until she initiated things and gave you signs, if she wouldn't have then she would just fall under the 98%. So you never know. If you hit on 50% of the girls you encounter, this will higher the probability of you finally getting a gf.
As for figuring out girls, you'll never completely understand. Sigmund freud's famous question after 30 yrs of research he still didn't quite understand "what do women want?". Over time and experiences you will slowly start to put together the pieces, but you need experience and you have none.

[Indestructible]

^ that is why you are 25 and still single. You need to be more open minded with the types of girls you wanna date. If you are just sitting around at home and waiting for a girl to come up to you and initiate something, well this can take forever. Many girls out there are expecting the guys to initiate things.

I'm not necessarily waiting for a girl to initiate anything, it's just that, in the past, people on forums like this told me that the more I "want" it, the more desperate I come off and the less likely I am to find someone. So, for the last few years, I basically just said "Screw it, I'm just not even going to think about dating or any of that, and when I find someone I can date, I'll know it". The fact that she took such an active interest in me really took me by surprise. All of a sudden, she was tagging along with me a lot to talk and joke around, and in my mind, I was just sort of like "Uh, okay, whatever, I guess?", then we started developing banter, and that's when I really started to see that I liked her, and I started initiating more of our interactions.

I didn't become attracted to her BECAUSE she had initiated stuff, but the fact that she did made the whole thing really stand out to me. I've been friendly with plenty of girls, but pretty much all of them are always more or less indifferent to my presence. The fact that a girl was actively seeking me out to talk and joke with really made it stand out.

You are not giving 98% of girls chances which leave only 2% of the female population you encounter. That isn't very good probability that the 2% of girls you meet would be single, be interested in you, would initiate interest in you. You claim that you weren't even interested in this dream girl until she initiated things and gave you signs, if she wouldn't have then she would just fall under the 98%. So you never know. If you hit on 50% of the girls you encounter, this will higher the probability of you finally getting a gf.
As for figuring out girls, you'll never completely understand. Sigmund freud's famous question after 30 yrs of research he still didn't quite understand "what do women want?". Over time and experiences you will slowly start to put together the pieces, but you need experience and you have none.

Well, let me tell you about the last couple of girls I had an interest in. The last girl I was really crazy about, she and I weren't really good for each other at all; the only reason I was so into her was because we knew each other when we were kids and I was crazy about her back then.

Another girl I knew via school, and I *think* she was interested in me; she was a nice girl, but she was extremely submissive and sort of shy I guess? I entertained the idea of dating her, but I didn't really feel like we got along well enough for that, and the hormones in me kinda wanted to date her just so I could eventually sleep with her and have a regular girlfriend, but I felt too guilty about that and just completely wrote it off.

Actually, early this week, I had another odd occurrence; I logged back on to one of the dating sites I occasionally jump on when I get super lonely, and noticed a girl had viewed my profile. I looked her up, and got her to write me back by telling her a sweet little personal story about something that related to something she wrote in her profile. We messaged a couple of times, then I went to message her the next day only to see that she deleted her account. But I started to realize that I wasn't really interested because of what she wrote about herself, but rather, I thought she was cute and the hormones in me were hoping maybe we'd meet up, go on some dates, and eventually start sleeping together. This was odd for me, because I really never let physical attraction play any factor for me, and the more I thought about it, the more I felt super guilty about wanting to have slept with this girl despite not really caring much about her personality and how well we actually got along.

I dunno. I could've dated either of the last two girls I described, but whether we would've been that compatible, I don't know; I feel like we probably wouldn't have been, though. I like banter, I like being able to connect over and share a sense of humor, and I just don't really have that with the vast majority of girls. This last girl was the first one I ever really had that with, and in a way, that kind of makes it special to me.

In other news, I'm feeling kind of irked, because I just learned that this girl has sought a promotion at the place we work, and now she'll basically be an assistant manager. I was feeling uncomfortable and upset when we were just regular coworkers, and now she's going to be my superior? I don't even know how I'm going to process that... Not to mention, I was expecting and looking forward to her seeking a job elsewhere, because when she's gone, I won't have to see her anymore, and hopefully, that would make it easier to stop thinking about her. But instead, she's moving up the totem pole at the current job? Ugh. v_v Edit: Also makes me feel bad about myself, because here she is, the girl I was crazy about, and now she's getting a promotion, she's got a "cool" boyfriend that used to work with us, and here I am, a loser cashier, getting a two-year degree in business, and hoping to make a career out of my enjoyment of audio/ video editing (but with no real means to get into that kind of business), alone and depressed, and hung up over her.

I tell ya, I just wish I could have one major "win" in my life. I think if I could just get that one big "victory" somewhere, it'd really turn things around for me, but I just never get it.

[bcgirl]

^ love is a hard game. Maybe you need to not be a cashier anymore and focus on being successful. Girls like rich, successful guys regardless of their looks. Once you become rich, I'm sure you will not have a problem getting girls.

[Indestructible]

Hah, "rich". Dunno about that. I definitely want a new job, but I don't even know how to go about advancing in the field I'm interested in. I really like audio/ video editing, producing, and all that, and I'd like to not only get into that field, but expand on it. But, I'm finishing up a business degree, which is pretty much unrelated, and everything I know about this audio/ video stuff is pretty much self-taught. I don't even know how to craft a resume for this kind of thing, because I don't even know what to put down.

There's a company I'd really love to work for, but they're mostly concerned about your ability to produce content. So, a month or two ago, I started producing content, and I've been uploading it to YouTube. I have several videos uploaded, though almost nobody has watched any of them, which is understandable. Hard to "advertise" your stuff, really. Anyway, I'm hoping maybe once I get more out, that by about summer time, I can submit an application and they'll see how much content I've put out and be somewhat impressed. But, they're a somewhat popular company, and a LOT of people would love to work there, so I can't imagine I'll stand out from any of those other people much. Kind of a pipe dream, but it would be really cool.