I Want to leave my husband, we have a baby

[Illusional]

ps... anyone's opinions are always welcome, reguardless of the state of mind you are in. a forums is an open place that "accepts" everyones points of view, reguard less if they may collide.

raverboy

[Apache]

Wow....its amazing to me how these threads go so far off topic...
enough said.

You just had a baby, are newly married, and are in your 20's.
And now you're thinking of leaving. I'd wait just a bit before
adding more confusion to your life. Look at all the changes you've
been through. Give yourself some slack.

Your hormones are out of wack after a baby. It's called post partum
depression. See your doctor...go for counseling, and think of your baby too.
And then if with a level head if you still find you don't love him, then leave.

And the dating women with children thing? I did...I am...I would.

[Aaron Blanc]

Wait!!!

You said yourself that your baby is only 12 weeks old. That obviously means that it has only been 12 weeks since you have given birth. You may well be going through what is known as "post partum depression".

Your body is undergoing a huge hormonal re-adjustment at this time that can last up to 6 months. During this time you may have thoughts of killing your baby, killing you husband, killing yourself, crying for no reason, leaving your husband, ect.

This is all natural, but it is important to forget that it is all part of your hormonal re-adjustment phase. What I often recomend to close family members who suffer from post partum depression is to simply talk to thier spouse. It can be very hard to cope with this alone, and I do not recomend keeping what you feel inside of you. You may want to read this with your husband and let him understand how hard of a time the next 6 months may be for you, and how much you need his help and support during this period.

I do not feel that professional help is needed. If you simply let your husband know how you are feeling, I am more than positive you can both get through this together. If you start to have frequent thoughts about killing either your husband, baby, or own self, you may choose to seek professional help.

Women with post partum depression should not have to deal with it alone.

[Tone]

The guy above you said the exact same thing.

(:

[whaywardj]

Uh...Aaron: If you're going to talk about it, you might want to learn how to spell it. It's "postpartum." Just a tip.

[whaywardj]

And the dating women with children thing? I did...I am...I would.

That's only because you were after their children.

[Apache]

That's only because you were after their children.

Yes...throw them in the oven and eat them. lol....

Actually my current woman's kids are in thier late 20's.
They won't fit in the oven.

[shh!]

I think it is too soon to throw out a husband with a 12 week old baby. Those who said your hormones are out of whack are right, and you may not be psychologically back to "normal" for up to a couple of years (depending on how "good" your baby is). I think if your husband is a decent guy, you ought to hang in there - yes, for the sake of your baby. Despite the men on this board who have dated women with babies, OV is right. They are NOT an advantage in the dating world, especially at your age. Most guys your age won't date you, although that will change somewhat as you hit your 30s. Besides, with a 12 week old baby, you won't have time for dating for a very long time.

Whatever you do, for god's sake, don't get pregnant again. You are too young for the responsibility, and having 2 is MORE THAN twice as difficult as having one.

[whaywardj]

Yes...throw them in the oven and eat them. lol....

Actually my current woman's kids are in thier late 20's.
They won't fit in the oven.

Eek! 20-something-year-olds? Even MORE of a shuffle for me. I get SERIOUS second thoughts when I find out a woman I'm just beginning to go out with has a 20-something daughter or two. Makes me wonder about myself: Hm. Hey, pal; just how much do you think you can REALLY trust yourself in such a circumstance?

[Apache]

Hey, pal; just how much do you think you can REALLY trust yourself in such a circumstance?

Well in my case she has all sons....so its rather a no brainer.
Now if they were daughters?....still a no brainer. 20 year olds don't stack up
to a mature lady of the world. She's quite exquisite actually. So classy
and feminine...until we get behind closed doors....hehe

[whaywardj]

Yes. Know and appreciate such women well. A real lady always takes off her dignity with her clothes.

[Mish]

Hi Newmum

Since you only have one post on this forum (This one), the likelyhood of you coming back and reading all of the advices here is very slim. However if you do decide out of curiousity to revisit this post, please know that you DO NOT have my permission to leave this man!!!

Now, i may not be the voice of all humanity or anyone with any authority over you, but your plan to leave at this stage is a very very very bad one.
Let me clarify.

You are no longer a child, or a teenager. You are an adult and a parent. Whether you like it it is not all about YOU anymore. It is now all about your family and your baby. You now have a responsibillity to raise this child and provide the best future for him/her in ANY WAY YOU CAN. Right now, standing at these cross roads you have an opportunity to either work on the issue which is currently at hand or destroy the lives of three people (Your husband's, your child's and your own).

* Your husbands because he loves you, this is why he married you, he did not mistreat you (According to your post) and he is doing what he can to provide for his new family). Leaving him just like that out of the picture is going to destroy him, not just for now but for many years to come. He will hate you, he will try to get the baby via the legal system, he will try to hurt himself, he may need to go to therapy (Sorry, not neccesarily all of the above will happen, but you know where i am going with this).

* Your baby's because a baby needs a caring environment and guidance from both parents to fully mature and find themselves later on in life. Now i am not saying that the baby will not grow up to be a healthy adult later on in life without a father or with a step father, but statistically adults raised in this way have problems adjusting, creating successful relationships, caring for other people later on in life etc... Not to mention the heartache the baby will have to go through when he will be given a choice on who to love more you or the dad (Given the circumstaces)

* Your life because it is going to be a nightmare for you to raise a baby on your own. You will have to dedicate yourself to the baby 24/7. Rely on your family or government benefits (I.e. not working) and struggle finding a suitable partner who will accept both you and your baby.

If you truly came here for advice and you are still undecided, please read below before you make any decisions:

1. Tell everything to your husband in the same way you told us on this forum (He has the right to know). Spend a minimum of 6 months with your husband working on this issue of you not being in love with him anymore. It is his responsibillity as a man to know you and make you fall in love with him again. It is your responsibillity as a woman to give him time and support to do that. Go to counselling, seek help of a proffesional therapist who will assist both you and your husband in this matter. It is better to invest in this now than wonder 5 years down the track "Could i have done more to save my marriage?"

2. IF and only IF the above fails (I.e. after 6 months you still feel the same way), then seperate from your husband for a 6 months period (do not devorce him just move out by yourself). Do not move back to your parent's place as it will make it too easy for you to live without him. You will have to learn that raising a child by yourself is going to be a very long and painful matter. Choose a good suburb, ask your family and husband for monetary support if you require it and then experience child upbringing at first hand without anybodies support.

3. IF the above still does not make you feel differently about your husband. Move back with him for another 2 months and prepare yourself for the future without him, while you are still with him. This maybe the last resort that may make you change your mind.

4. IF after all of the above you still feel the same way, only then make your decision. Mind you, if you still want to leave him at that time at least you will know that:

A. You have tried everything you could to save your marriage and it failed. Your marriage is irreconsilable. You will never love you husband and thus future with him will not create a loving environment for your baby.

B. You are strong enough to look after your child, by yourself if you never find another man.

C. You have shed all of you emotional baggage and are now ready to move on.

Personally speaking. I find there is something very wrong with the kids these days. Kids are too careless, too irresponsbile and are too unprepared for the future. (I say all that as an adult in mid 20s lol). If this trend introduced so clearly to us by "newmum" is to become popular then i seriously worry about the future...

I hope this advice helps you with your decision and once again YOU DO NOT HAVE MY PERMISSION TO LEAVE (At this stage).

Respect...

[boobaa]

I just hate that womens natural instinct (even if I havent faced it by myself) of leaving men after child birth. After the child is born, its natural instinct that women don't need a man anymore, there is no love, its gone. Man is only needed to bring in some food.
I mean, look at the lions for example, female lions raise kids all by themselves. And women are known as cats.. cheeech..

[smilingeyes]

now i know for sure, i am no longer in love with my husband, i dont fany him and more, i dont even like him kissing me or touching me.

he has done nothing wrong, he probably couldnt be nicer to me or do more for me, i have just lost all feeling for him completely.

i love my new baby more than anything in the world and am generally quite happy (apart from the issue of the unwanted husband!)

.

This sounds a lot like postpartum depression. Be honest with your husband, but also keep in mind that your hormones are probably bottomed out right now. They should be back to normal soon though.

[shh!]

I just hate that womens natural instinct (even if I havent faced it by myself) of leaving men after child birth. After the child is born, its natural instinct that women don't need a man anymore, there is no love, its gone. Man is only needed to bring in some food.
I mean, look at the lions for example, female lions raise kids all by themselves. And women are known as cats.. cheeech..

That is NOT a natural instinct. You are a wealth of misinformation.