One Night Stands - when single - the pluses and minuses involved?

[dollhouse]

I think us people ( like me) programmed from an early age to think sex is for relationships, for love, marriage and babies that is why us types care about stepping outside our tiny box and being heaped on with judgmental views on how we deal with sex, especially sex outside of being in a committed relationship. ( that... got to be a good girl factor that always comes into play with some of us..) I do believe men get shamed and rumors spread about but I don't think men judge men as harshly as women judge women, imo. I would much prefer to live my life with that attitude you said those men have on the subject.. I'd definitely live a longer and happier life if I did.

[megvoh]

^ That is a good post on the subject.
Whatever gets it done for you is good, you aren't hurting anyone including yourself.

[Wakeup]

Thanks for your replies... fearoflove and dickiculous.

I still haven't had any more contact with him, so was a true to name ONS.

Like you said fearoflove..the no strings attached aspect is what drew me and just doing something outside my personality. He used a condom, and I think he wanted more, and a did have a tinge of feeling bad on saying I don't want anything more but was good for me to do what I wanted for once.

Dickriculous..I think there is a big difference on how people men and women seeing women doing this activity over men, look at what some women told me on the first page, michelle23 especially and that shows what I stated on even women judge women harshly. I don't judge anyone, male or female...it isn't cheating so.. I did it and I am okay not doing it again, I prefer relationships for myself.

That is the difference between you and some of the women that are judged on this forum. You KNOW what you want and you will likely not do a ONS again. It's the one's that think that sex is going to garner them a relationship, get hurt but keep doing the same thing over and over again that get judged. They are judged on their stupid inability to figure themselves out or learn to compartmentalize sex from love. Men more easily can compartmentalize sex from love then women can. Unfortunately, women may judge women who enjoy NSA sex but it's worse that more men have a double standard about those women then there are not. Always has been like that and it always will be like that.

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I slept with someone since last posting on here, was someone from out of town, nothing special, and have no want to __ them again. Just needed to do it and that was that I guess, and oddly I felt nothing. I did find him very attractive but nothing deeper than that. Wanted to update and leave it at that, no gory details though, sorry.

Did you have an orgasm, doll?

[pcmaster]

Did you have an orgasm, doll?

Lol you old perv !

[Wakeup]

Lol you old perv !

Well, I'm not arguing that but I was asking to see if she was able to pop when there was no emotional connection.

[dickriculous]

I don't think men judge men as harshly as women judge women

That's because when a male judges men for it everyone else calls that male a pussy who is most likely a jealous virgin. In the days of yore they wouldn't even do that, they'd just beat his ass for being such a phaggot. You're not allowed to do either of these things to bitchy women because of society's rules so she gets away with it, thus it starts happening en masse.

Beneath the surface there are actually a great many of us who equally lack respect for women who go "OMG WHAT A SLUT!!!" in response to every ONS, we just don't verbalize that lack of respect because we're afraid that if we do it will ruin our chances to fuck those women and/or their friends. We call this "chivalry" or being a "gentleman" because a lot of people are still gullible enough to take sugar coated bait hook, line, and sinker - I suspect many of them fall for it deliberately because they want to believe it, since the facade is so much sexier than the reality.

[Jffs24]

Has the dude tried to hit you up again even if you don't want it off him?

[dollhouse]

Lol at Wakeup's and pcmaster back and forth up there. Got a giggle.

[MENTION=52694]Wakeup[/MENTION] .. I did but tbh it really doesn't take much for me, I can get one off tongue action, no dick involved or breast kissing. Obviously one during sex has some more staying power, lol but wasn't earth shattering or all powerful that it would make me rethink my ..not again .. comments. Would it be odd for me to have one or not to have one? Trying to understand why you asked.

[MENTION=70280]Jffs24[/MENTION] .. Yes, he did through the person who introduced us. Sigh. I didn't change my mind.

[MENTION=62630]dickriculous[/MENTION] .. Omg do guys do that with each other and resort to the you are the ghey? Lame and so school-boyish. I know some men who call out women, but usually they are guys who previously dated that girl.

I don't judge or care what others do in their single life sexually ..their business and life not mine and always hope for the same respect back. I had one GF take a judgmental stance on my ONS which shocked me but what can you do, right.

[Wakeup]

I was just curious. I am easily orgasmic as well however; I myself don't enjoy sex without some kind of emotional connection and therefore, have never orgasmed during a ONS and the very reason why I quickly realized that ONS are not my cup of tea and something I'd never get into the habit of. Being some strange guy's cum bucket does nothing for me.

You at least were able to cum even though you didn't find the encounter all that passionate.

[dollhouse]

I think it gave him encouragement that 'she loved it with me', which isn't exactly the facts but I wasn't about to detail how easy I can get off to him after the fact or before, LOL It's much stronger when you care about someone and you know they care back, more powerful meaningful sex. Not a wham bam deal.

But I did step out of my comfort zones so it helped in a small way. Still not happy about my ex so it didn't solve all I wanted it to.

[megvoh]

If it helped in any way imo it would've been worth it for you to do.
Stuff about ex's if long time spent will always hurt you anyways. Got any good dating prospects lined up for yourself now?

[dickriculous]

Still not happy about my ex so it didn't solve all I wanted it to.

Well a ONS isn't really something that you use as medicine, it's just something you do if you're feeling it and you don't if you're not. It's for pure pleasure, nothing more. Possibly something else might organically come of it but I never advise anyone to go into it with that expectation.

Using free love as a means of medicating personal issues is how you fall into that trap of sex becoming empty and meaningless - it never gives you what you're looking for but it feels good so you develop a love/hate codependency with it that drains you emotionally instead of uplifting you the way it should.

[YoungCosmo]

No, no, no. How naive. The capacity to even get one night stands (leaving the person up to be sef-righteous or quit being a prude prick and WIN, it's entirely up to them) means WINNING. Good genetic expression and triumphs over pitiful losers. Sex is power.

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Using free love as a means of medicating personal issues is how you fall into that trap of sex becoming empty and meaningless - it never gives you what you're looking for but it feels good so you develop a love/hate codependency with it that drains you emotionally instead of uplifting you the way it should.

Pathetically bourgeois.

[pcmaster]

WooHoo ! Look who posted [MENTION=68335]YoungCosmo[/MENTION] !

I agree that its cool if person can get one night stands. But some look for deeper things than that. When you are really cool then you have to actually pass these chances to sleep around because theres just too much of them.

[solarion]

But I did step out of my comfort zones so it helped in a small way. Still not happy about my ex so it didn't solve all I wanted it to.

Well a ONS isn't really something that you use as medicine, it's just something you do if you're feeling it and you don't if you're not. It's for pure pleasure, nothing more. Possibly something else might organically come of it but I never advise anyone to go into it with that expectation.

Some good points have been made in this thread, props to all for sharing. I've had a few ONS's at various stages throughout my life, usually they were not intended as such, but ended up that way. A first/blind date where there's ample mutual physical attraction and little more...college, where it was pretty much what everyone did. When I was young non-committal sex definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone, broke down some taboos, and broadened my horizons. In retrospect, I think for me it was as dickriculous said earlier in this thread, it was just something that would occasionally happen and I didn't analyze or read a whole bunch into it. Definitely agree that sex is much better with someone you share an emotional connection. Perhaps that's why some insist on distinctions between the terms "sex" and "love making". I do not disagree with the notion.

The only occasion I recall intentionally seeking out a ONS was definitely medicinal in nature. I was reeling from the loss of a relative, not involved with anyone at the time, and needed intimate human contact without commitment(no exes). Also the only time I can recall where I didn't apply my usual standards to the selection process(I'm a sapiophile). I simply went to a tavern in a nearby town and selected an appealing barfly. It was the right decision at the time and accomplished what was intended.