*~ Cats, wine and much more whine ~* ( a journal)

[somehelp4me]

ROFL at that pic you want for your display pic - send the pic to a mod or admin and get them to put it on your profile, hatesthis.
How far away does your ex live from you? if driving distance can't you drive up one weekend with a friend and stay overnight then go have a face to face with him, you'd think after that amount of time the dude would have grown some maturity balls and be able to cop to his failures regarding the relationship.
Maybe he secretly likes you still contacting him and that is why he isn't giving you closure - because if it was me I would be honest and give you that closure and then both can move on for good.

[Exeter19]

this is what you should keep telling yourself, hatesthis regarding your ex.

[somehelp4me]

You doing alright, hatesthis? Got the impression you were not feeling happy on your last visit about the ex, or yourself. Example you said this and other things and have not been back online here since, have you seen your therapist yet?

I went to bathroom and cried, didn't go back to bed, and have to go shower and get dressed to meet my gf and shop, so time to paint on my happy face.

[hatesthis]

To answer you, somehelp4me, no I was not and am not doing okay. That was why I was gone for so long, not living the best of times, yanno... but thank you for the thoughtfulness of asking me. Been a rough time since last day posting to now... I have seen my therapist since, yes. He lives a few hours away from here, his sister has since got me my closure, sort of. No, he doesn't care.

@ Exeter.. Yes, that quote is sooooooooooo true, thank you.

[pcmaster]

Hatethis dont be afraid to go on antidepressants they are really helpful. The horror stories you been told are BS not all drugs are like that. I been using antidepressants for half a year now and only side effect is sleepness but I dont feel it if I move. Wish I were on them since very beginning cause they make me more stable and takes thoughts of the past away and theres no way I could cry while on them. Since I started to use them Im smiling more and thinking more positive being more confident in myself. And now if I dont use them actually dont feel difference except eventually sex drives goes back to normal what is a problem since I dont have a GF.

How is job going, Hatethis? Because I can tell you its important to keep responsibilities and be busy with self improvement cause free time only leaves more time to wallow in past. Telling you this because when I was in your place I actually quit both jobs I was working in at the same time and that was a huge mistake.

Btw do you know about new f0rum because we were just talking about you there saying you should be invited. All the old members are there already ! And Exeter you have now thanks button to press !

[hatesthis]

Hi, pcmaster. I still haven't gone on them and omg everyone is insistent too. I feel like anything good about me and my personality will be swallowed up taking those meds scares me, I'll become a Walking Dead.. on them. What ones are you on? I only know about Zoloft and Prozac. Do you mean they make you constantly tired? I was obsessed with thoughts of the past, huge dweller on them and cried like a faucet, Grr! Does the meds kill sex drive too?

Had time off job for specific reasons, back to it now tho. It is ok, stressful to keep on top of it all. Thank you for asking.
Nope, was never told by anyone when off the site about any new forum, got told today by nico when Pming him but nothing was in my inbox from anyone regarding it. Probably out of sight outta mind or another reason.

[pcmaster]

Good that you been chatting with nico. If you need a link from new s!te just tell me.

Im on medorisper, risperidonum 2mg. My kills sex drive but I still like a girls and it just makes it easier to control it. Im still functional lol. Think that prozac is illegal actually, at least in USA.
Whats good about antidepresants they really are great from beggining making so much positive difference because body are not used to them. In longterm theres less effect, but stuff still are usefull for same reasons. It just gives more control over emotions and life.

[Exeter19]

welcome back!

sorry you don't feel great, or didn't when away. some great comments from pc to you regarding the anti depressants. i thought valixy pm'd you re: the forum, you can't pm her - her account is dismantled.

lmao, pc on the thanks button.

[nico88]

If you're hesitant about going on meds, I'd talk to your therapist or dr about herbal alternatives. There's a lot of over the counter herbal remedies and vitamins you can take to help with depression. St John's Wort is one of them. Sounds nasty but it's just a plant with yellow flowers ha. Taking vitamins like b6 and b3 are also known to help. Maybe bring those up the next time you see or speak to your dr. and see what he thinks.

I hope things get better for you, hatesthis. And like I said I'm here if you ever need to talk.

[hatesthis]

Good that you been chatting with nico. If you need a link from new s!te just tell me.

Im on medorisper, risperidonum 2mg. My kills sex drive but I still like a girls and it just makes it easier to control it. Im still functional lol. Think that prozac is illegal actually, at least in USA.
Whats good about antidepresants they really are great from beggining making so much positive difference because body are not used to them. In longterm theres less effect, but stuff still are usefull for same reasons. It just gives more control over emotions and life.

Thank you.

Why did they put you on two different ones, pcmaster? Is that the lowest dosage you can get for those?So it kills the "horny" but not the rest? All I knew about those ant depressants was they zombie you and you sleep a lot on them, and hopefully you are less emotional on them too, like you said cry less, suffer less from painful thoughts, hurting yourself and so on... is prozac banned now? Wonder what bad side effects it caused in patients to ban it :\

How long do they say people needs to be on them, 6 months to a year or on them for several years or the rest of your life?

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welcome back!

sorry you don't feel great, or didn't when away. some great comments from pc to you regarding the anti depressants. i thought valixy pm'd you re: the forum, you can't pm her - her account is dismantled.

lmao, pc on the thanks button.

Thank you.

It's still iffy, I think too much is all. Yes, pcmaster was so kind to me with what he posted, I appreciate he took that time to talk to me about that too...
Regarding that other forum stuff, nope, as I told nico I have never had any PMs sent to me, the 1st PM I ever got on here was Nico's reply back to me the other day and even today still only Nicos and a quote PM, which I thought I shut off my quotes PM'ing thingo? Idk where Valixy's message to me went, I wasn't online when all that went down so I don't know why anyone would go into my account if I wasn't even on here to begin with I would be anon factor, you'd think. I don't think she should have been banned, can't she have her account back with no PM system to use if PM'ng was the issue?

- - - Updated - - -

If you're hesitant about going on meds, I'd talk to your therapist or dr about herbal alternatives. There's a lot of over the counter herbal remedies and vitamins you can take to help with depression. St John's Wort is one of them. Sounds nasty but it's just a plant with yellow flowers ha. Taking vitamins like b6 and b3 are also known to help. Maybe bring those up the next time you see or speak to your dr. and see what he thinks.

I hope things get better for you, hatesthis. And like I said I'm here if you ever need to talk.

Thank you.

I didn't even know you could go a natural route with that, my therapist never said anything only about prescribed heavy duty meds.... which I frowned at. I take some multi vitmains and other health related supplements for general, lets be more healthy would ya things, lol. Incase I don't eat right some days. Never heard about St John's Wort before, gawd what a name for it, lol? I'll look that one up, nico, thanks. I have the b vits in my daily multi but it might not be enough tho. I will bring up what pcmaster and you told me.

I am trying to think differently it is hard and people are patient in some ways but worried and clearly wanting me to "snap out of it " Thinks that movie, Moonstruck, and Italian families. I appreciate what you said here and in messages to me.

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Thank you for the compliment. I grew up with her living with us, so we're very close. My mom was/is a carefree spirit who let us run rampant when we were kids, where my grams was the one who'd kick our ass when we needed it haha. I'm very blessed to have grown up with two amazing women with two very different yet effective parenting styles. Turned me into the man I am today. Hopefully I make em proud. Haha at your golden girls comment. She gets that all the time, so it's not just you. She's got that same spun too. If not more...

I feel the same about wine snobs. I mean I can get fancy and shit but idk some of those people are just so stiff and cold. I'm the complete opposite. I love having a good time, talking to new people, having good conversations. But this last party I went to these people were just duds. I mean given I can bring up some weird topics because I'm into different things and I don't remember exactly what I said but I know it didn't deserve the look of pure horror their faces were giving off. Ended up leaving and slicing my pinky open on a piece of broken glass and spending a few hrs in the er getting stitches. Probably still had more fun than those guys tho.

As for my work, I do a lil behind the scenes of the camera and a lil in front of. Tattoos aren't that big of a deal it just means I have to spend a few extra hours in the makeup chair. Some makeup artist are cool about it..others give me the evil eyes. Even behind the scenes tho, meeting different people they can just really get put off by tattoos..think less of you in a way. Which I don't get. It can be a shallow business sometimes but I can't say I really care all to much what they think. I can't stop being me, you know?

Thanks for the encouragement on my idea. I appreciate it. I ran it by my friend the other day and she seemed into it. She just wasn't sure if she has enough time to invest into it right now. But we still bounced some ideas off each other so we'll see what happens.

That's a cool dream job, the makeup artist thing. You can make really good money, travel to exotic places, and meet cool people. But I mean I'm sure you can do that in real estate as well. It's all about location, right? Maybe one day you can be on million dollar listings...

I cannot recall I wrote to you last visit on this post of yours :\

Your nan is adorable, my nan looks older than yours but both sweethearts I bet. Growing up with your grandmother and having both her and your mom as strong positive female influences it probably helped you appreciate women in a way men who didn't have that female energy don't.
She does look almost exactly like that actress, shes cute...does she say embarrassing blunt things? :p

I hate snobs, rich or otherwise anyone who looks their noses down on others because they are not from money, or dress like everyone else or have gone to fancy schools, or drive fancy cars... whats in your heart matters and your intentions towards others. I'd rather spend time with someone who can make their own good time on very little then someone who always needs to spend 1000s to have a fun time.. I say because I have no money, lol like I have the choice but hey . Ouch about slicing your pinky, that doesn't sound great for you, but good you made the best of your evening regardless.

You'd think the makeup artist would like to work on covering tats, they get to do more work, and I bet they get paid nicely doing that job and so shouldn't get huffy over it with you. I wouldn't like people fussing over me way they probably do you, I'd get restless, you need a lot of patience to sit still and be worked on by others. You must have lots if you can sit awhile for real tats and all those fake tats.

Does your friend want to go ahead with your joint business or wait a bit more, summer would be a good time to start it all up, no?

I wouldn't want to be on MDLNY, eeks those guys come off so fake, haha with the forced squeal and leg kick, the gelled to the max hair, fake orange tans, the excessive camera hogging and antics that would get me fired if I ever acted so self absorbed or flirty at my job. Their suits are nice tho and the apts and condos are so beautiful to watch when they show them. It's just reality TV with homes and lots of male cattiness and upstaging for camera time. Count me out!

[pcmaster]

Well yeah they can make you sleepy especialy if you go sleep late like me and use sleeping pills. I woke up today 9am after going to sleep after midnight and then took 2mg of antidepresants(I dont use two different ones its just two diferent names on one box) and felt sleepy afterwards so went to nap and sleept till 5pm. But then again it maybe because sleeping pill was still in blood and besides Im weak now so it makes me kinda sleepy.
Regards of lenght of use. First months was the most effective but then I kinda started to think Im okay without them and stoped to use them and eventualy slipped back. Doctor was right - I have to use them, he wants me to use them for years. When I use them everday they work well.

So you can try them and then decide continue use or not,, whether your life is better with them or without them. When getting sleepy doctor ussualy cuts lower dosage. In my case 2mg is the lowest.

You know its not about what you take but what you do aswell. All the right decisions and actions. Pills are just that - mediaction, it helps but dont do things for you.
I feel like if I had the life I want there wont be need for drugs. Till than pills helps not to think about problems.

[hatesthis]

Hi pcmaster... I do go to bed late most nights.. I stay up watching movies tiring to tire myself so when I do hit the pillow I just pass out from exhaustion and tired eyes. Can you take sleeping pills too on the meds, or you do anyhow, you rebel? 9 hrs is a great sleep, I never get 9 hrs for myself. Ok, it is only one pill you take, I misunderstood, sorry. Omg, you sleep lots, so they do wipe you out after you take, they must hit your system fast when you have been on them a while? It could have been the tail end of the sleep aid was still in use like you said or your body just needed more sleep today then usual, was it a hot day there, it was here and hot days make me sleepier. I went for a long swim today, it helped me.

Did you have weird side effects when you took yourself off them? Like you went oh no, this isn't good, and then wanted back on them bc you could feel the change? For years, are you happy with that?

I'll write down what you just said about 2mg is lowest and get pills reduced if makes too sleepy. Thanks. I have a writing journal here by the computer and I take it into my therapists to discuss my week and others stuff that bothers me or I want to chat on. Have another by my bed just for my dreams.

I try to eat right, I fail sometimes because junk food is just so quick to get and eat :\ I do drink wine and alcohol, but I don't smoke or take drugs...and I like to bike, walk and swim a lot in the warm weather. My thoughts and mind is what betrays me the most. *taps it to settle down*

[pcmaster]

Well sleeping pills could help you get that 9 hours and there wont be need to watch movies till late.
I ussualy dont sleep during day just was tired from yesterday work and today had nothing planed. Also meds dont make me sleepy when I move. You know with sleeping pills(the ones I use) I have to sleep them out. Cant go sleep late and then wake early next day or they still will be in system and make sleepy. Well its fair that I have to take meds for years because it took years to fck up life so its normal that it will take years to be fine again.

You know its easier to eat right when you plan the meals. Plan at least two meals ahead when you cook. Plastic containers can help a lot. You just prepare food for whole day and put it in containers and in fridge and take it with you when going out. Yes some meals will be the same but then again you wont skip meals this way. Bodybuilders even prepare meals for whole week this way. Some clean meat, boiled vegetables and carbs like pasta, rice, potatoes. helps with depression too especial if you eat like 5-6 meals a day(I set up alarm clock so after each two hours it reminds its time to eat). Helps to look good aswell not just for growing muscle or be healthy.

[nico88]

Yeah, she says a lot of blunt and embarrassing things. Usually about me at the most inopportune moments. Her favorite was when I'd bring girls home she'd tell them about the time I dressed up in my mom's clothes and went around signing Cher songs and then add on top of that how sometimes my mom's shoes go missing and she always wonders if maybe I'm the one behind it. She'll add "you two kids have fun now" and pat me on the back and walk out of the room. That's my nana. Ha

I know a lot of people who are the way you're describing. Going to a party where someone didn't drop a couple g's on isn't worth their time. I've been to those parties and events and yeah its nice every now and then but I couldn't do it all the time. Seeing the facade people put on in front of other people just makes me sick. I'd prefer to go to my local bar and play a lil darts and pool with people who are real and geniune than spend a night in a fancy club in the vip section with dicks who don't even look "the help" in the eye.

I agree summer would be a great time to start up the side business. I talked to her this afternoon and she's actually gunna be in new york in a few weeks so we're gunna sit down with her and another friend of mine who is a financial accountant and see what we need to get done to make this happen. Pretty stoked about it. In the meantime I've had a couple people approach me for paintings which works out perfectly because I just finished my project in LA so I got nothing but time on my hands now.

I've actually never watched an episode of MDLNY..is it all male realtors? I watch hgtv a lot but never seen previews for that because I'm kinda into interior design and like to see the shit people do to improve their houses but I've never seen advertising for that show. Is it on a different t channel?

[Exeter19]

Thank you.

It's still iffy, I think too much is all. Yes, pcmaster was so kind to me with what he posted, I appreciate he took that time to talk to me about that too...
Regarding that other forum stuff, nope, as I told nico I have never had any PMs sent to me, the 1st PM I ever got on here was Nico's reply back to me the other day and even today still only Nicos and a quote PM, which I thought I shut off my quotes PM'ing thingo? Idk where Valixy's message to me went, I wasn't online when all that went down so I don't know why anyone would go into my account if I wasn't even on here to begin with I would be anon factor, you'd think. I don't think she should have been banned, can't she have her account back with no PM system to use if PM'ng was the issue?

you're welcome, take it day by day. it's great weather now and being out in the sun can help your mood too, even if sitting out and reading a book in a park, or eating lunch outside.
i don't know if her banning is perm or not, same goes for the others, but i am sure valixy wanted you to go over there too, she liked you and supported your journal as well.