Guys I have one more question sorry about this

[confusedguy1012]

Not based soley on her looks first of all and more I think i've never been with a girl quite like her she's....... different

[Starnique]

I'd imagine a dik-dik to look more like this:

Split in half. Insides on the floor. Not worth dying over.

[THX]

What I would do now: stay calm and ride things out until she gives birth. Heavily monitor (without snooping) the friendship with the guy. If things work out, they work out. Give it 3 months post-pregnancy before you revisit this decision.

This.

The only 2 people in the world who know what happened is him and her. It's possible she is innocent and that they are both just anomolies lacking basic social accuety. The thing you wrote today about her wanting you to relax was her was promising. I would agree with the advice to not let us, see this as a probable cheat influence you to throw a possibly innocent yet ignorant girl out having possibly done no wrong. The point is not to turn a blind eye to something that is a red flag 90% of the time. There is no time limit on getting this right.

My main points are: A) Think of the health of Mother and child. B) Make sure the child is yours (if that is important to you). C) Don't ignore evidence just because you can't handle an unfortunate truth.

[KingZ]

Everyone agrees with me. I win.

[confusedguy1012]

This.

The only 2 people in the world who know what happened is him and her. It's possible she is innocent and that they are both just anomolies lacking basic social accuety. The thing you wrote today about her wanting you to relax was her was promising. I would agree with the advice to not let us, see this as a probable cheat influence you to throw a possibly innocent yet ignorant girl out having possibly done no wrong. The point is not to turn a blind eye to something that is a red flag 90% of the time. There is no time limit on getting this right.

My main points are: A) Think of the health of Mother and child. B) Make sure the child is yours (if that is important to you). C) Don't ignore evidence just because you can't handle an unfortunate truth.

What do you mean it's promising that she wanted to realx together? and ya your right there are other way to handle all this this just sucks

[THX]

What do you mean it's promising that she wanted to realx together?

It's promising because it shows investment. Also many times when someone is cheating they will create fights on purpose to cause seperation so they can go see the OPP. You gave her a fight and she chose to focus on problem resolution rather than taking the oppertunity to storm off. She is protecting some value in the relationship. Whether that is love or money/support I do not know.

[CrasherRob8]

Wow, I don't think I've ever seen someone go from one extreme of an opinion to the other in such a short time.

What KingZ said is true, when you are having a baby, nothing else matters BUT THE BABY. You and the mother do whatever you can for the baby.

To confusedguy1012, I can tell you are a lot like me in the sense that you are way over thinking everything. My advice, which other people have already given the same, is you need to make sure to keep her as healthy and stress free as possible. Yes, that even means sucking up whatever ill feelings to have towards her. Cause that's what you need to do to make sure she has a healthy baby. What do you think would happen if you continued down the path you are and she has a miscarriage? I'm willing to bet you would feel pretty horrible, and there would be a good chance she would resent you for it too.

You've already made your point to her regarding how you feel. The ball is in her court now and it is up to her to prove herself to you. But the topic of what happened with her and him should not be brought up again until after the baby is born, since it causes both you and her a lot of unneeded stress and drama.

Now focusing on her and him. They've known each other since before you came into the picture which was 5 years ago. Unless she has been secretly doing things with him the entire time, I would guess that he is a close friend of hers. Plus, if he really wanted to be more than friends with her why would he still be around after more than 5 years, fully knowing that she has a long term boyfriend and the mother of his child?

Now I'm not proclaiming to be a know it all on cheaters given I've been cheated on in a prior relationship, however my understanding is there are signs that you pick up on before you actually know she is cheating, however you interpret them differently after you know she is cheating.

The one question I have for you is this. If you hadn't walked in on them, would you have ever suspected that she was cheating on you?

[Mattiemae]

[confusedguy1012]

Thanks guys your right I do need to think of the baby and calm down till after and no I wouldn't have ever thought she was cheating had I not walked in on the cuddle session. I You guys really did help a lot and made me think!

[bekho]

No this perspective is too twisted. "If you just unsee what you've seen then everything is fine". Baby or not. The underlying issue is that she isn't being faithful.

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[bekho]

Would she tolerate it if she came home and saw you cuddling up with another girl in your arms?

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[bekho]

The only reason you are confused is because you love her so much and you don't want to break up, but she cheated on you and expects to stay together. One question is. Does she respect you if she's doing this with other guys behind your back?

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[bekho]

You can be a bigger person and overlook it this time. But where does it end? You have to have firm boundaries. If they are broken you gotta break up. If you continue without any healing, You'll never trust her completely.

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[confusedguy1012]

No this perspective is too twisted. "If you just unsee what you've seen then everything is fine". Baby or not. The underlying issue is that she isn't being faithful.

Yes I realize she cuddled but i dont know for sure that she did anything else and were back in the hospital again because of her painic attacks and I just I can't hurt her or the baby anymore I just can't.

Would she tolerate it if she came home and saw you cuddling up with another girl in your arms?

No she'd freak out about it

The only reason you are confused is because you love her so much and you don't want to break up, but she cheated on you and expects to stay together. One question is. Does she respect you if she's doing this with other guys behind your back?

No and I think it was only the one guy.

You can be a bigger person and overlook it this time. But where does it end? You have to have firm boundaries. If they are broken you gotta break up. If you continue without any healing, You'll never trust her completely.

We will have the boundaries talk eventually but if her and the baby die in the meantime well never be able to work things out

[Mattiemae]

Silence is golden and less confusing! It brings inner peace! You can think clearly! And yes, good point they both need to be healthy and alive. Turn off the radio! Less confusing!

- - - Updated - - -

Ha Ha! In other words if we were all standing in the middle of a 4-way road having a pow wow, there is too many chiefs pointing to different directions. Do you want to go N.S.W.E. That's what's causing the confusion.