I'm in So much pain, please help.

[MastaPDiddy]

ok well final update...and i give you all my word...that this time i will do exactly as i am advised by you guys.

Last night after i ended things, she called and left a voicemail. In it she said that she did love me, that she did want to be with me even though she was confused. Then she said "but I guess all of that doesn't matter since we are broken up" Then she said "do us both a favor and stop hurting me" and then hung up.


I know you're not supposed to call the next morning after you break up with someone, but i called her. It rang and then eventually went to her voicemail. As I was leaving the voicemail, she starts calling back. I decide to finish the voicemail..(which never got to her). so then a few hours later she calls me..and i answer..she says "you called?" and i said yes and i told her that i may have been a bit harsh last night but all i was doing was giving her the opportunity to work things out with herself so we can be hapilly together. I told her (regretfully) that i loved her to call me later and goodbye. She then said bye.

ok nothing since then...and i will NOT call her first this time.

I have also learned a grave truth. I have seen undeniable evidence of her telling other guys (last month) while we were together that she was single. I also saw undeniable evidence that she tols another guy 3 weeks ago "I'm sorry things didn't work out between us i really wish they did but oh well, ur so hot" to a guy she hooked up with right before she met me. It sickens me that she would do this....


Now i want advice and i promise to listen ASIDE from the fact that you guys probably want me to put her behind and move on since shes clearly flirting with other guys...what is the way to keep this girl with me.

I PROMISE TO LISTEN THIS TIME.

[theotherguy0123]

How about you DON'T keep her, you stated how much she hurt you and flirt with other guys and do all those sick stuff, why do you still want her...

[MastaPDiddy]

I still want her beause the things she said to me when i told her about the first time i was heartbroken...were to sweet to forget. she made me feel like she would be the last person to do that to me. Now...

I love her too much not to try to give her another chance. Please just help me get her back and if she messes up again i wont even need to come back here to know what i must do.

[MastaPDiddy]

Someone!???!!?!?

[Bluevetteracer]

I will give this one more try.

You are acting very very very desperate, and that reeks of pity and loathing. Women hate this, and despise you for it.

Here is what you should have done, read this as many times as it takes to set in.


She told you about the ex in the car. You were mad and lost your cool. You should have asked nicely to pull over, and as you got out, say in a very James Bond tone, "I think I will walk from here, I need to digest this". Staying calm and collected.

DON'T CALL HER OR CONTACT HER, LET HER CALL YOU.

She calls, NOT A CHILDISH TEXT MESSAGE OR EMAIL, OR WHATEVER, AN ACTUAL VOICE FROM A HUMAN, THEN YOU PICK UP AND SPEAK TO HER.

And you should have said this:

"Look, I have been thinking, you need some time, whatever. I am not sure how I want to proceed, and I will think this over. Call me when you are ready to talk and leave me a message, and I will phone you back when and if I am interested in working this out".

Now, you have the locus of control, she does to an extent, but you also in a very nice way told her to take all the time she needs, and you are moving on with your life with or without her.

And then YOU DON'T CALL HER, TEXT HER, EMAIL, YAHOO, SMOKE SIGNALS, NOTHING, until she contacts you (by message, as you said) and lets you know how she feels. Then you can decide if you will take her back.

Not this.

Huh, please, I love you, I need you, I will eat the peanuts out of your crap, what can I do, you want more time, how much, call me anytime, I am here for you, can I help mow your lawn, need some money, do you still love me,

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Women loath this behavior from men, they will not tell you this; it is a state secret with them. I am telling you.

Here is a good story.

I dated a drop dead gorgeous women in college. She had all kinds of "guy" friends that would hang around like lap dogs. They would buy here things, trim her yard, fix her car, listen to girl talk, whatever.

She moved one day and had about 10 guys there to help her. I could not make it. Some cut class, skipped work, whatever. I was not about to drop my schedule on a days notice to help her, if she needed my help on such a large project she should have asked me at least a few days in advance.
But at the end of the day, that night, after the move, guess who she called to come over and spend the night in the new place????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????

Sound of crickets.

ME.

Like Hayward says speak less and listen more.

I listened to what she would say. She would tell me in almost code, that she loathed spineless men. She thanked all involved for their help, but inside she knew what lengths they went to for her. Although flattered, she did not respect it.

Here is something to take to heart.

Women don't like to be fixed or told how to fix their life, they know how. JUST BE AN EAR AND LISTEN.

This problem you have may be fixable. But you have to stop contacting her in any way. If she loves you, and wants you, she will let you know.

[theotherguy0123]

Ooo thats why I hear some people say don't tell women how to solve their problems, just listen and say you are sorry to hear that.

[Bluevetteracer]

Ooo thats why I hear some people say don't tell women how to solve their problems, just listen and say you are sorry to hear that.

Yes, you have the point.

[theotherguy0123]

Yes, you have the point.

yeahhh now if i can just understand women...lol

[Bluevetteracer]

Like it or not, this is a male dominated world. Women have to work harder sometimes to get the level of respect that men get. They are taken at the car repair garage, as they watch guys talk the lingo etc.

They really don't like us telling them how to solve their problems. Men for the most part are analytical. We see a broken part, we put in a new one. We have understandings between men, and remove almost all emotion from a decision.

Women CAN, be the opposite. This does not make them stupid or less capable, they just deal with things differently then men do. And fair or not, the world is tailored for "men" thinking and problem solving.

So, let them do it their way, take a moment and listen to them, and give advice only if they ask for it.

[Bluevetteracer]

yeahhh now if i can just understand women...lol

Just embrace the madness. God made them how they are, as he made us how we are. So, they are made perfect, as are we.

What fun would life be if we were the same?

Here is an example:

Girlfriend calls, "would you go to auto repair shop with me, I have no clue what to say or do"

Most guys, "Well tell them this, and that, you can do that, what do you need me there for, God, when are you going to learn. YEAH, OK, I am on my way.

This is how you would talk to your guy friend.

Here is what you say. After all she asked for help.

Sure, I can help you after 4:00, if you can make it then, or it will have to wait. Then you go there with her, help her out, and leave.

She will say.

Thanks, I think they rip me off sometimes, but with you here, they never BS you.

ME
Well, I doubt they think you are stupid, you are pretty smart, but I was glad I was able to be here anyway.

In the last sentenced I told her she was smart, and that it probably would have been OK without me, but just incase I was there. RIGHT. They would have taken her to the cleaners without me there. But there was no point in saying it, she knew it. And she thought I was a great guy for not pointing that out.

The dumb guy would have said.

Yup, good thing I was here to save you, or they would have seen you coming a mile away.

And some guys wonder why women are pissed at them.

[Only-virgins]

I don't know shit about cars and I am a guy. Accept name.

Girl: can you go to auto repair shop or fix my car?
Me: no.

I think girls are capable of taking a car to a repair shop and paying a guy to fix their car lol all by themself.

[Bluevetteracer]

I don't know shit about cars and I am a guy. Accept name.

Girl: can you go to auto repair shop or fix my car?
Me: no.

I think girls are capable of taking a car to a repair shop and paying a guy to fix their car lol all by themself.

I thought since you have a car in your sig, you were a car guy?

[Only-virgins]

I thought since you have a car in your sig, you were a car guy?

I like my car. I like the way my car looks and drives. I dont even like to change my own oil though lol.

[MastaPDiddy]

okay you gave me advice on what i SHOULD have done. I'm asking you where do i go from here. Yesterday i decided not to call her anymore and i didn't. Then at midnight i hear my phone ringing and it is her..she says "hey its me i was just calling to see if you were alright." i told her i was fine and acted pretty peachy...then she told me how some 22 year old hit on her, i pretended like it was funny when in fact i was jealous and mad, but shes single now so whatever. Then she said "i wasn't planning on talking for long but i just wanted to see if you were ok..so ill take to you later"

and i said ok bye. No i love yous or anything.
The general tone of her voice was not very pleasant except when she was telling me about the guy hitting on her...other than that she had kind of a really upset/depressed voice. She told me she was going to her uncle's wake tomorrow, so that might be it. I don't know.

Is this a good sign?
Did i do well? do i keep this up? for how long?

[Tone]

ok well final update...and i give you all my word...that this time i will do exactly as i am advised by you guys.

Come on, Masta... you don't want to be some mindless robot that follows commands of random people over the internet. We don't want to tell you exactly what to do, nor can any of us accurately give you the right instructions. Sure we can make suggestions, etc - but don't you want to be able to make the decisions for yourself? What happens when you have a situation that needs an important decision right then and there? You going to come running here and hope we're all on standby to tell you what to do?

okay you gave me advice on what i SHOULD have done. I'm asking you where do i go from here.

All we're asking is you read and LISTEN to what we're saying. You're reading what we're saying, you're just not listening. Could be because you're too focused scanning the text subconciously looking for the immediate solution to what to do next... when if you let everything sink in that's been said to you here, you would understand WHAT TO DO NEXT.

In any rate, however this goes down and whatever you decide, if you guys do go at it again - you have to be sure you get this all out on the table, don't go back into the relationship with all these doubts and questions (Why did she lie and tell guys she was single while we were together? Why is she always around her ex-b/f's? etc) How can she claim she loves you and wants to be with you when she's being two faced by turning around and telling other guys she's single?? Call her out on being a two-faced liar.