Should I be upset about this or not?

[Steven715]

So that's why she calls and emails me at least 10-12 times a day to the point where I almost know every time she goes to the bathroom? I don't think so.

Have you gone back to the way you have been now then?

[blackiesharley]

Have you gone back to the way you have been now then?

I would say yes. Although our weekend was canceled once again.

One daughter is very sick, had to go to the emergency room for difficulty breathing. No insurance either.

My girl is actually sick herself, bad stomach promblems once again. (Probably best not to undertake a three hour drive for both of the above reasons.)

On top of all that she was served yesterday with foreclosure papers on the house that she and her ex-husband owned. (She stayed on the title but he hasn't made the payments and even the eletricty has been turned off)

Her car is acting up.

The other daughter's softball game didn't start until 8:45 PM last night, so what was she to do? Leave at 11PM and get here at 2am? Let's remember that she works a full-time job and the stress/fatigue level is massive.

Oh yeah, her mother (I use that term loosely) that she lives with announced yesterday that she's selling the house and my girl and her daughters have to move by August. 'Where am I gonna go, a shelter?' (She lives in New Orleans and what little housing was not destroyed by hurricaine Katrina has tripled in price) she asked her mother. Her mother's reply? 'They're your kids, not my problem.' Some mother, huh?

I just had a very long talk with myself. This is VERY frustrating. Not trying to be 'Mr nice guy' here, but I must have patientince and understanding in this situation. I want it to work. She want's it to work. I'm in this for the long run and I don't mind waiting. I do love her. I went out last night to a club just to get some fresh air. Tons of cute girls there but I wasn't interested. Like my girl told me last week, 'you're always on my mind.' I could think about nobody but her while at the club. Left after one glass of wine, got home and she'd left a message. It was too late to call her back.

I wish we were farther along. This could all work out so perfectly. I have a rather large house in a nice neighborhood. Quotes from her a few weeks ago: 'I could be very happy in that area' and 'it's such a great neighborhood for kids.' Was that a hint?

IF we were farther along I'd just say, 'I'll rent a U-Haul, let's just do it. I have two small businesses and frankly could use some help. I'm FAR from rich but we could do just fine. She's even said that she want's me to teach her one of the businesses and help out with the other.

I want SO BAD to talk to her about this but I'm afraid it's too early. If I DO bring that up it MAY scare the sh*t outta her. Even if I did, it has to be in person, I'd need 100% of her attention. No distractions like office phones ringing, kids, screaming or talking while she's in traffic.

What do you all think? Should I bring it up or wait?

[Steven715]

I would say yes. Although our weekend was canceled once again.

One daughter is very sick, had to go to the emergency room for difficulty breathing. No insurance either.

My girl is actually sick herself, bad stomach promblems once again. (Probably best not to undertake a three hour drive for both of the above reasons.)

That is fair enouth you cant expect them to travle when thay are sick it would be dangrous and unfair

On top of all that she was served yesterday with foreclosure papers on the house that she and her ex-husband owned. (She stayed on the title but he hasn't made the payments and even the eletricty has been turned off)

Her car is acting up.


The other daughter's softball game didn't start until 8:45 PM last night, so what was she to do? Leave at 11PM and get here at 2am? Let's remember that she works a full-time job and the stress/fatigue level is massive.

If it is true that bad news/misfortunes come in 3 then hopefully this would clear up soon

Oh yeah, her mother (I use that term loosely) that she lives with announced yesterday that she's selling the house and my girl and her daughters have to move by August. 'Where am I gonna go, a shelter?' (She lives in New Orleans and what little housing was not destroyed by hurricaine Katrina has tripled in price) she asked her mother. Her mother's reply? 'They're your kids, not my problem.' Some mother, huh?

Huh her mother is not very supportive

I just had a very long talk with myself. This is VERY frustrating. Not trying to be 'Mr nice guy' here, but I must have patientince and understanding in this situation. I want it to work. She want's it to work. I'm in this for the long run and I don't mind waiting. I do love her. I went out last night to a club just to get some fresh air. Tons of cute girls there but I wasn't interested. Like my girl told me last week, 'you're always on my mind.' I could think about nobody but her while at the club. Left after one glass of wine, got home and she'd left a message. It was too late to call her back.

I wish we were farther along. This could all work out so perfectly. I have a rather large house in a nice neighborhood. Quotes from her a few weeks ago: 'I could be very happy in that area' and 'it's such a great neighborhood for kids.' Was that a hint?

IF we were farther along I'd just say, 'I'll rent a U-Haul, let's just do it. I have two small businesses and frankly could use some help. I'm FAR from rich but we could do just fine. She's even said that she want's me to teach her one of the businesses and help out with the other.

I want SO BAD to talk to her about this but I'm afraid it's too early. If I DO bring that up it MAY scare the sh*t outta her. Even if I did, it has to be in person, I'd need 100% of her attention. No distractions like office phones ringing, kids, screaming or talking while she's in traffic.

What do you all think? Should I bring it up or wait?

I agree with your last point is to talk to her when she is alone with no phones or anything she is showing you some good sighnes hear i feel (I could be wrong) When you ask us what we thing i am assuming that you want to ask her to come into busniess with you if you are then she is more or less wanting something like this to happen but again to mutch time together may spoil what you have got but if thay are sepearte then i cant see a problem with that but for you own protection as in investments i would get some kind of contract setup in case things go tits up at least you are protected. Like you say have a good long talk to the girl and whist you are at it talke about the relationship between you and tell eachother what you want out of it it may clear alot of things up between you. Once again i wish you the best of luck mate!

[blackiesharley]

Steven how's it going with your situation? Any contact over the weekend?

I hadn't called my girl since late Friday, she's called me three times since then 'just checking in,' Friday night, last night and today. She's certianly not dumping me. I did return her calls and left a message of course. Either I'll hear back from her tonight or we'll start on our usual routine of Monday through Friday emails and phone calls. She always titles the emails 'You've Got Mail' after the first movie we watched together.


I've put a lot of thought into this over the weekend. I may be looking at it the wrong way. This IS a long-distance relationship whether I want to face that fact or not. She's 3.5 hours (two States) away. L/D R/S ARE tough even this close.

Looking at it from the outside in an optimistic view, when we first got together, she was over every weekend. Now that we've agreed that we're 'together - together' and have come so far maybe she feels more comfortable canceling when things (meaning shit) hits the fan at her place.

The bitch of the whole thing is that I (unlike my usual self) can't think of anybody else. I went out Friday night as I mentioned and came home after an hour. Went out last night again (forced myself), was hit on by two hotties and I just blew them off. Not interested. I just wanted to get home and check messages to see if she'd called. (she had)

If she's half the person that I think she is she MUST be thinking about the times we've spent together. The sunsets at the beach, the little private language we've developed, flowers on her pillow the morning of her B-Day with breakfast in bed, making Easter baskets for the kids, laying in bed in the morning at sunrise just looking at the beautiful tree outside the window and the swing I built for her girls hanging from the limb, her asking me to buy a cheap TV set for the bedroom so we can stay in bed on a rainy day and just watch movies, the panic emails from her when there's a problem in her life, and yes, our love-making.

Unless I'm VERY, VERY mistaken, this is far from over. It just scares the shit outta me because... I've found myself in love. Be carefull what you wish for...

[icey]

I dunno, I can't say I blame blackie. When I start a new relationship I try and stay attentive to what's up. I'd rather ask a question or two then pretend nothing is on my mind. And the excuses she gave him were kind of lame.
Glad things are workin out blackie.

[blackiesharley]

She is trying to dump you. In fact she may have already moved on. But she is too much of a "nice girl" to tell you straight up.

Considering the events of this morning that I don't want to go into detail about, sadly, I have to agree.

Her loss.

It hurt's like hell but I just have to say...Next?

[Gigabitch]

Holy crap- decision time. If I were in your position, I would move her out there. I think she needs help (all kinds of help) and you might be her angel. Those kids definitely need help. They should be taken as far away as possible from Poison Grandma.

Even if the relationship goes straight to hell, you'll know you didn't leave her hanging.

However, under the shining armor, you're only human. This has got to be freaking you way out.

One question: is there room for them in your life? A few months ago, you were ready to marry her. Are you ready to marry her now?

Edit: Also, I don't think she's trying to dump you. She's mired in trouble, and maybe doesn't want to come off as nothing but a problem for you to solve. She's giving you an out.

[blackiesharley]

Holy crap- decision time. If I were in your position, I would move her out there. I think she needs help (all kinds of help) and you might be her angel. Those kids definitely need help. They should be taken as far away as possible from Poison Grandma.

Even if the relationship goes straight to hell, you'll know you didn't leave her hanging.

However, under the shining armor, you're only human. This has got to be freaking you way out.

One question: is there room for them in your life? A few months ago, you were ready to marry her. Are you ready to marry her now?

Edit: Also, I don't think she's trying to dump you. She's mired in trouble, and maybe doesn't want to come off as nothing but a problem for you to solve. She's giving you an out.

I don't know I'm in meltdown at this very moment and I have to get to work. We had a spat this morning, I tend to believe that she IS trying to dump me OR doesn't know what to do at the moment.

I just sent her a three word email:

'I love you.'

We'll see what happens... That's all I can do at the moment except give it time.

[Steven715]

I am pleased that things are looking up for you i realey am as things for me well if you care to take a look in the same section as this entitled In need of advice please then you may get an idea i think i have taken your post over so to speek to mutch this is for our advice not mine i am sorry if i did try to push you out but i did not mean it!
NOW BACK TO YOU! lol
I am now a little confused in your last post you put "Considering the events of this morning that I don't want to go into detail about, sadly, I have to agree.

Her loss.

It hurt's like hell but I just have to say...Next?
" What is this all about have i missed something but i am pleased with what you e-maild her as it is short to the point and will commfute [spelling?] her.
I like what gigabitch is saying to you and i have to agree that you may be the man that she needs to help her and i think that you are the man to do it. But this does come with one pit fall and that is you have to be extra strong and (I know this is extreamley hard for us) try to get the negative thorts out of your head as you will be falling down at the first hurdle. Keep up the good work!!!

[blackiesharley]

It's over. Repeating: OVER!

I feel horrible about it, I'm in major pain at the moment, not only have I lost my lover, I've lost my best friend. It was all the cancellations that did it in the end.

1X - I can understand
2X - I can kinda understand
3X - Getting weird
4X - In a row? Something's not right here

But why did she call/email me 10-12 times a day? I don't think I'm dealing with a very stable person here.

Either that or I can take a hint. But again why the calls and emails? I don't get it. But then do we ever?

Just when I thought I had it made. All I wanted was to be there for her and work together. We could have been/were perfect together. Bet she realizes it someday.

[Steven715]

It's over. Repeating: OVER!

I feel horrible about it, I'm in major pain at the moment, not only have I lost my lover, I've lost my best friend. It was all the cancellations that did it in the end.

1X - I can understand
2X - I can kinda understand
3X - Getting weird
4X - In a row? Something's not right here

But why did she call/email me 10-12 times a day? I don't think I'm dealing with a very stable person here.

Either that or I can take a hint. But again why the calls and emails? I don't get it. But then do we ever?

Just when I thought I had it made. All I wanted was to be there for her and work together. We could have been/were perfect together. Bet she realizes it someday.

Tell me about it mine has also just got mutch worse and am very upset about this i have waited sice Thursday For a form of contact and nothing it is now monday night and nothing so i wnet on to her profile on yahoo and guess what she has been active within the last 24 hours so she would have got my e-mail but no reply so i guess that is it dont tell me then that i have been dumped why the hell not tell me and yet send me a photo of her to me on Thursday night this has realy upset me now so i have now sent anouther e-mail saying sorry if i was pushing things to hard and told her i still want to talk to her but i dont think i will get anything back i realey feel like utter crap now why the hell does this have to happen to us like this it is pissing me off so mutch it took me 4 years to get someone to like my profile and now nothing why? i almost feel sick over this now and i dont know what the hell todo i just wich that she would come online and talk to me or even give me her new number if she has one just why does this have to happen this seems so unfair

[blackiesharley]

I dunno know the answer to your question 'why does this have to happen to us?'

I've been VERY upset all day, all I tried to do was love her and care for her. Remember that SHE was the one that was chasing ME up until recently. We shared everything.

I feel a bit better now though, just got off the phone with my best buddy, we talked for two hours and I described the factors involved. The MAJOR red flag in his opinion was the possible cocaine abuse. His words? 'With four kids? Dump her ass and dump her quick! Alcohol fine, pot ok, but coke? NO WAY! Blackie (not my real name of course), if you guys kiss and make up I promise that a year from now you'll look back on this very conversation and wish you'd followed my advice.'

He's right. Logically I know that. Emotionally, I miss the shit outta her already. I wonder if she misses me? My love that she can feel, my attention, my advice?
I feel like my right arm has been cut off.

Not an easy time... Must distance myself.

[Gigabitch]

Um, Blackie............... what happened? Did you dump her?

[blackiesharley]

Um, Blackie............... what happened? Did you dump her?

No I didn't dump her. My head is still spinning so that I'm not sure exactly what happened. I did tell her (in a nice way) that I was distressed about four cancelations in a row.

I think the reality is, and my buddy who knows the story from the beginning agrees with me, that she was chasing me hard and fast and as soon as I alluded to 'OK, *her name*, you've got me, where do we go from here?' she lost total interest. In other words I was no longer a challenge. I put her on a pedistal, she knew I loved her. Most people (although not me) always want what they can't have and never want what they can have. At least for now. I'm not gonna deal with it now as much as it hurts.

One thing I'm sure of...There will be one lonely, rainy night where she's lying in bed alone thinking of how we used to wake up, snuggle watching the tree outside the house wave in the wind. Let some other guy bring her breakfast in bed and put flowers on her pillow. Let some other guy listen to her crying for an hour after a fight with her mother. Let some other guy paint her damn toenails in a candlelight/champange jacuzzi. Let some other guy suprise her with cute cards waiting for her in the bathroom in the morning. Damn, I was too nice to her, that was my downfall.

'You don't know what you've got till it's gone.' Remember that *her name*!'

She'll call me sometime I'm sure. Probably by then it will be too late as I will have moved on.

[Gigabitch]

I think you might be over-reacting again. Remember, we don't live in a black and white world. Look back through your posts and try to find things that support the other conclusion- that she still wants to be with you. There's evedence of that, too.