Ever love someone, but hate their child?

[IndiReloaded]

hrmm.... personally i would want to raise my children as a "learn and find out" method. i learn things the hard way and i would expect them to be the same. if you want to stick your finger in the socket after i've told you not to, then it's your shock and not mines.

This is how we do it also, Raver. But you would warn them at least once, I notice. And sticking a fork into an electrical socket is quite a bit different from allowing them to run across a busy freeway. The 'learn for oneself' method has to be age appropriate.

Children are actually motivated by the presence of *some* boundaries, as counterintuitive as that may sound. They become confident if they feel 'safe' to learn.

[Only-virgins]

No because I don't date women with kids.

[bluesummer]

'Hate' is a very strong term to use for a child....and all children have different temperaments. My sister's two children were night and day at the same ages, as were my aunt's two kids....and that doesn't make one 'bad', it just makes them different behaviourally.

I agree that a three year old shouldn't be allowed to hit and bite and do whatever they want....they need to be shown that these behaviours are not acceptable. But that is your gf's responsibility at this point, and she has not chosen to discipline him. I don't see a problem with a partner being a disciplinarian to a child that's not their own, as long as it is agreed upon, and boundaries are set. The relationship should also be a solid, long term one. My sister's bf disciplines her son, and I'm glad to see him take an active role....but they've been together for three years and live together. Inititally, he had no say in the matter.

It doesn't look good for your relationship, OP. Your sentiments towards this young child are mildly disturbing, and I'm a firm believer of people having similar ideals on child rearing when raising children together.

[Mish]

Blue, you put it beautifully

[Illusional]

i dated a girl with a baby boy.. and boy did the father hate my guts.

raverboy

[misombra]

are you a hardcore spammer, ero?

[Chris660]

Did any of you catch the post where Chris said he was in a *previous* relationship already that involved a single mom & kid? And that he 'loved' that kid (in much the same tone one would describe a cute pet). Wow, that must have been disappointing for the little git when they broke up.

I get the strong sense this poster is a superficial spreader of misery.

And he only values the advice from those w/o kids, which makes him foolish to boot.

Tone? Superficial spreader of misery? What?

How about you just ask me if you want more details?

[Chris660]

Did any of you catch the post where Chris said he was in a *previous* relationship already that involved a single mom & kid? And that he 'loved' that kid (in much the same tone one would describe a cute pet). Wow, that must have been disappointing for the little git when they broke up.

I get the strong sense this poster is a superficial spreader of misery.

And he only values the advice from those w/o kids, which makes him foolish to boot.

Tone? Superficial spreader of misery? What?

How about you just ask me if you want more details?

And I didn't know that this forum was exclusively for people without children

[Aegis]

yeah, that's all he was doing last night, just bombing the forums; I'd delete one, and he'd have another posted by the time I searched for posts from him again.

[misombra]

i saw that lol.

that's why i just deleted him.

[Aegis]

blah, I thought I did that last night but apparently failed

[misombra]

it takes very intense skill to be able to delete people the way i do, aeg. don't be so hard on yourself.

[IndiReloaded]

Tone? Superficial spreader of misery? What?

How about you just ask me if you want more details?

I don't care if you post more details. I comment based on info given, and you state you already dated some other gal w/a kid.

The onus is on you if you want to benefit from our advice, not the other way around, lol.

[shh!]

Ironically, I am watching Dr. Phil today, and his topic was boyfriends and step-parents disciplining kids... anyway, Dr. Phil agrees with me: not only should boyfriends not be disciplining, neither should step-parents. The natural parents should be doing their own dirty work, and not abdicating their responsibility.

Not that I always agree with Dr. Phil, but yay for me.

[squirrley]

It' s not easy being in a relationship where a child is involved. Don't I know that! I decided when Kyle was in Jr high not to date anyone and was single for 5 years. Not a man in the house and I didn't go out with them. I waited until Kyle was older. It's not easy bringing someone different home all of the time, getting attached and then something happening so I chose not to even go there. But some single moms feel the need to have someone in their life.

I finally met someone when Kyle was in HS and that was hard on him, he was turning 16, and it was hell on all of us a year later. My son became so cocky. But my husband and he got along really well through that year. My hubby wanted to be involved but I had a wall up. After Kyle left for bootcamp they established a "can I call you dad?" relationship. Well, than that blew up 6 months later. Its very difficult on everyone trying to maintain relationship amongst everyone when your kid is that age. I think at any age it's not going to be easy on anyone.

If a man decideds to date a woman with a child, yea for them they're not afraid of committment. I get you may hate the kid, but if you care about her you'll work it out together.