has anyone else here ever felt hopeless about dating?

[Charlie Boy II]

Ladies...either I get turned down, ignored, or just recently have a very WEIRD date.

you keep making reference to this weird date without elaborating. What happened?

[Only-virgins]

I think whether you're a male or female you're drawn to attractive, confident, secure, intelligent, funny, high-charasmatic persons of the opposite sex.

I don't know about that high-charisma thing. That sounds like something that could piss me off. Not to mention I always found shy women more attractive.

[shh!]

Ladies...either I get turned down, ignored, or just recently have a very WEIRD date.

Perhaps your expectations are too high. I tell my kid he should expect to be turned down the majority of the time. It's like gambling... you are just looking for that one lucky hit. Not everyone is a match, you know.

[Charlie Boy II]

Yeah no matter who you are, rejection comes with the territory of being male. Once you accept that, it really ain't all that painful.

[ecojeanne]

No matter who tries to strategically add a "thanks" at the bottom of this post..

i had to thank you grk hehe

[starbuck]

I wasn't offended by anything you said AJ. You debate in a way that is respectful to others' opinions, as opposed to being simply dismissive or insulting, which is very refreshing here.

No one has to agree with me. I don't debate about these things because I want to win the argument. I'm just trying to help spread a more positive attitude towards dating.

[DoesntMatter]

And that's why I like you starbuck

[lastwish]

There is a lot expected from men and to be honest it kind of stinks. We're expected to have good jobs, be the ones to pursue you, be handsome, strong, intelligent, funny, confident, provide for a family...etc.

But for women those things are usually not expected, they're just considered nice bonuses.

Honestly, that is the traditional expectations but I think times are changing. Most women in America are going into universities and are planning on a good career and they intend to hold onto a good career to support her family later in life. And also, I have seen women making the moves on guys all the time (at least I intend to go after guys who I like). But I think women are just selective about who they choose. And yes, women desire a handsome, strong, intelligent, funny, confident guy but those are all subjective attributes. Different women desire different types of funny, appearance, strength, and intelligence.

Getting a good job isn't an easy thing, then we're expected to make the move on you. Really now, how about the other way around once in a while? I mean I've never been hit on or even had a girl come up to talk to me once. There's a lot of expectation that prince charming of a guy is supposed to come and sweep women off of their feet. You want equality, how about asking a guy out for once, working your ass off to get a good job, and supporting a family?

Blame it on disney princess fairytales. But don't worry, times are changing.

[bluesummer]

I think at the end of the day it is a matter of personal opinion and perception. I don't date man-whore type men, because to me they have the potential to be disrespecful and self-indulgent. Some people don't care about this, but I do. I categorize them the same as 'trashy' girls.

As for the whole men being the breadwinner thing....I think that's going out the door. I personally supported my ex-husband for our entire marriage. I know a few stay-at-home dads and women that earn the same or more as their partners.....and I noticed out in the dating world, at my age, it's sort of getting expected by men that women can carry themselves. My fiance told me not too long into our relationship that he prefers career women, or someone that is at least looking to develop themselves into some type of career. Men just don't WANT to be the sole providers anymore, and women are tired of relying on men. A lot my friends (and I) grew up in families where our fathers were not reliable sources of income....we saw our mothers have to work to keep the household together. That scared us, and made us realize that we had to be responsible and independent, because the whole man-supporting-the-family role is fast going out the window.

[DoesntMatter]

I want the mother of my kids to stay at home and raise them well. That's more important than any career

Kids from todays generation raised in daycare centers are turning out worse because of the lack of parenting in general, at least says my parents and they are in the age and situation to know that

So sure, have a career before and after kids. But a woman has the responsibility of taking the best care of the kids that she can, and it is a very important job that shouldn't be sacrificed to a career

[GrkScorp]

no, I don't see the irony. Care to explain?

It's the same as saying..

"You are a racist you n*gger"

or

"There are two kinds of people I can't stand.., Racists.., and fcukn' black people"

Relationships are practically useless at that age. They hardly work out and someone usually gets hurt.

The same can be said about marriage.., or small businesses..

It's entirely possible to meet someone in your 20's and get married in your 30's..

It's not like you're going to hit your 30's and put a sign up saying "Looking for "the one".., marriage only!"

If you shut out your 20's.., and are emotionally unavailable until you're ready to settle down.., then you're narrowing down your pool of people who you would want to spend the rest of your life with..

Every age allows you to meet that one special person.. The chances of meeting them are so small.., that you don't have the luxury of looking for them whenever "you" are ready.. That's just my take on it of course.., that nobody can really afford to be wasting their time having sex and be emotionally unavailable until they decide they want to settle down..

[GrkScorp]

But a woman has the responsibility of taking the best care of the kids that she can, and it is a very important job that shouldn't be sacrificed to a career

And a man doesn't have that same responsibility?

Is that some kind of excuse to shirk from the duties of fatherhood?

I don't think it's fair to dump all of that pressure and responsibility and build that kind of expectation for just one parent..

Both of them are parents.., both of them have the same responsibility to their children.. And if the guy expects his wife to sacrifice her career to take care of the kids.., that just means he was a crappy and lazy father and husband who wasn't willing to help her enough with parenting..

Some responsibilities are delegated.., but because of their nature which makes them impossible to share.. (ie. taking out the garbage).. But that's not the nature of parenting at all.., people are starting to realize how much more efficient it is for a family when "both" parents are working.., and "both" parents are taking care of the kids.. It takes away a lot of stress from "both" spouses.., and the same (if not more) gets accomplished..

[GrkScorp]

Ladies...either I get turned down, ignored, or just recently have a very WEIRD date.

Ladies? Plural? Elaborate..

What are you looking for exactly?

What is the reason you want to find someone?

What are you looking for in that person?

If you don't know the answer to those questions.., then how do you expect to find what you're not even sure it is you're looking for?

[DoesntMatter]

No Grk, I'm not saying fathers have less of a responsibility, they have just as much of one. But the stay at home child raising, and therefore the part with the largest time commitment, is the job of the mom. So I think the jobs should be delegated like you say but moreso than you probably agree with

The role of mother and father in raising a child is just different

[bluesummer]

My fiance's brother is a stay-at-home dad, his wife earns more than him. Are you saying then DM, that that's NOT his role as a man? He shouldn't be taking on that role?

I think it's great if it works for the couple. I think there's a lot of Dads that would secretly like to stay home with the kids while their wife works. A lot of them would never admit it though.....it doesn't look 'manly'.