Date a "nice guy"?

[vashti]

Are you good at that game? If so, I think it looks like a fun date.

Personally, I like air hockey.

[lovesjoyajm]

Are you good at that game? If so, I think it looks like a fun date.

Personally, I like air hockey.

I'm effing amazing. I'll probably kick his ass. Maybe that's why it's not that much fun for a date. I feel bad kicking his ass, and it's not that much fun to go easy on someone. But maybe he'll surprise me.

I just texted him. We're going to get together tomorrow probably.

[Jason27]

There are really two sides to the story here.

On the one hand, I can understand if you're not attracted to guys who are extremely nice. There's not much you can do about who you are and are not attracted to. On the other hand, if you choose someone who isn't nice, don't expect a very friendly, happy relationship. There has to be a healthy balance. It's not as important that the person is super-nice as much as that they treat you with respect. Someone who doesn't respect you isn't worth it. I say give this guy a chance and see what happens before you decide.

Jason

[lovesjoyajm]

There are really two sides to the story here.

On the one hand, I can understand if you're not attracted to guys who are extremely nice. There's not much you can do about who you are and are not attracted to. On the other hand, if you choose someone who isn't nice, don't expect a very friendly, happy relationship. There has to be a healthy balance. It's not as important that the person is super-nice as much as that they treat you with respect. Someone who doesn't respect you isn't worth it. I say give this guy a chance and see what happens before you decide.

Jason

He doesn't seem to be the overly persistent type. I'm ready to give him a chance but I don't know how interested he is.

I responded to his text asking if he wanted to go out on [this past] Wednesday and he said yes, but then wrote back a few minutes later saying he just realized he already had other plans and what about Thursday? (yesterday) I wasn't available yesterday so I said "maybe Friday?" I'm available after dinner tonight but I haven't heard from him since he canceled on Tuesday.

As far as nice guys, I guess I just like to feel like they can carry the conversation and it doesn't have to all be on me. And that they have a sense of humor and can take a bit of teasing. If there's not a bantering spirit there from the beginning I find it gets old quite quickly. For me that has taken the form of purely verbal flirting to very physical fighting, and not only does it make things less awkward, it's a good sign of chemistry (and it's fun! )

[lovesjoyajm]

Grr.

So we did the foosball thing last week, after meeting some of my coworkers at a beergarden, and it was a very nice time. He then went out with some of my coworkers the following night (without me). I've gotten a few texts since then, one of them on Sunday evening asking for a "rematch" today. I wrote back and said yes.

He hasn't responded, and I've since been invited to meet some other friends in a totally different part of the city to play foosball with them. I don't really want to go that far away, but I don't want to sit around waiting for him to confirm plans for tonight and then end up doing nothing.

[vashti]

How did he come to go out with your co-workers without you? Did he know them separately? (And yes - make your plans, and if he wants to know why you didn't wait around for him, tell him.)

[lovesjoyajm]

How he went out with them, without me: The teacher who I guess is my "boss" invited me out for dinner and we went out for a beer after. She offered me tickets to a basketball game for the next day which I declined because I already had plans. So then I asked the guy to join us at the beergarden because I was going to be running late to meet him at our designated place. He got along well with my boss and I came out of the bathroom at one point and she had offered him the tickets instead, which he accepted. So they went to the game and then out to the beer garden (for a few hours, by the sound of it) while I hung out with other friends. My coworkers are in their 30s-50s while the guy is 27. He doesn't have such a friendly relationship with his coworkers and mine have taken quite a liking to him, it seems. One of them came up to me today and said "We're going to go out for Schwäbisch food next week, with A, will you come?"

He did end up texting write after my last post. We went out again, played more foosball and had a drink. Things kind of took a step backwards from last time in that the only physical contact was just a hello and a goodbye hug, but I suppose that's a good thing. I just don't know if he's interested at all. It's the same frustrated feeling I always seem to have.

[vashti]

Is he another American, possibly just looking for friends?

[lovesjoyajm]

Is he another American, possibly just looking for friends?

He's another American. Don't really know his friend situation. We've talked more about our coworkers. We'll both be back in the US in a few months.

[Mish]

I just don't know if he's interested at all. It's the same frustrated feeling I always seem to have.

Personally I try to go out with people one on one when I date, it makes it easier to see the level of interest.

[Kimo50]

Some guy are natural nice guys and others pretend to be nice until they know they have you hooked then the real guy comes out. A natural nice guy has his own opinions but tactfully and respectfully knows how to disagree with you. He won't have to try to hard even though it may appear he is because that is his nature. This will be a good guy to get involved with.

[lovesjoyajm]

Personally I try to go out with people one on one when I date, it makes it easier to see the level of interest.

We went out one-on-one last night. If I'm to gauge the interest level from that, it wasn't too high.

[vashti]

Friend-zone, then. It's just as well, I suppose, since you will both be moving in the near future.

[lovesjoyajm]

Friend-zone, then. It's just as well, I suppose, since you will both be moving in the near future.

I guess.

I'm sure the reason we were both more cautious last night is that we were both sober. The previous time (after a few beers) we had been holding hands and kissed good night. So either he just wants to back off a bit and take it slow, or he wants to back off altogether and isn't interested in more than friendship.

[vashti]

ooh, I didn't know about the making out! Nevermind my last post, then!