Should I Listen to my Head, or my Heart?

[Dying_Heart]

Selfish men like you are a reason why some women consider harming themselves. Were you stringing 2 woman along for your own security?

Let them both move on

[TexAggie1]

Selfish men like you are a reason why some women consider harming themselves. Were you stringing 2 woman along for your own security?

Let them both move on

EXCUSE ME?!

Selfish? I'm not getting where I was ever selfish.
You miss the part she cheated on me in January and I eventually forgave her?
She instigated contact every time with me a month after we broke up...then treats me like I abused her when I did?


Stringing along 2 women? Incorrect...Kristy was bi-polar crazy threatening herself. I did care about her as it's someone that's been in my life for 6 years, but it was only a friendship at the time. I'm not a counselor and didn't know how to handle it. I was dating Jenn, and trying to let go of Kristy without her effecting Jenn and I's relationship. YES, I did handle it the wrong way...but there was NO dating 2 girls at the same time or cheating going on. You're making it something that it wasn't.

Stop poking at this, yes it's dead, done, over.....she isn't going to change her mind.....let it go and move on.

Because she gave me the confidence to fall for her, which I did very hard. She instigated everything from marriage, kids, moving in, etc...always questioned if I loved her as much as she loved me, always said she missed me more, would tell me she would be devastated if I ever left her.
Then she left...and I never did ANYTHING to instigate that except for how I handled 8 months ago. A LOT has happened scince then.

It's very hard to let go, and i haven't contacted her for 3 weeks.

[smackie9]

Don't respond to Dying_heart...I say they are clueless or a frickin troll.

Anyways your ex is nuts. She gets all goo, make you fall for her, then she gets all willy nilly over stupidness. She is a fruit loop. You dodged a bullet and you don't even know it.

[IndiReloaded]

If by ex you mean Jenn, I don't think she's nuts. She sounds quite reasonable. He is the one who can't communicate. Even now, he wants to send her a picture of the 'for sale' sign? LOL, he wants to be *right*, is all. If I got a photo like that, I'd be saying to myself "...and, so again he can't communicate anything meaningful."

What are you hoping for by sending her the photo? Maybe that might be the correct question to ask yourself?

[TexAggie1]

I agree I sometimes don't communicate correctly my perspective on things.
What are you specifically criticizing me of not communicating correctly?

I lied to my gf about the communication I had with my ex to protect her and our relationship. The intent was always to let her go amid the suicide threats she would send me. I agree...I didn't handle it right.

The sending the picture idea was just to prove my point that I was serious about moving out of my house soon, and it was silly to move all her stuff into my house while I'm trying to "stage" the house for a sell. The idea was to get an apartment, wait for me to sell the house, then we start looking for our own place. I DIDN'T send her anything, I knew it would be a bad idea...I just through it out there.

[smackie9]

"Stringing along 2 women?" It may not have been two but definitely one. You sent "I love you messages" to Krissy to pacify her...that is giving her hope you idiot.

Anyways, you are so full of bad ideas right from the start. If you had any spine, and stopped bury your problems hoping they would resolve themselves on their own none of this crap would have ever happened.

[TexAggie1]

Now we're name calling?

I never said I was right in how I handled it.

[smackie9]

You have to learn to put yourself in other peoples shoes to truly see the damage you are doing to others.

[smackie9]

That is why people are calling you an idiot, self centered...you don't stop and think things through by seeing it from your exes point of view, you have tunnel vision, you are only really trying to protect yourself, instead of just manning up. This krissy girl's mental state is not your problem, it is up to her family to deal with. You should have contacted them with your concerns and put the responsibility onto them as it should be.

[IndiReloaded]

I lied to my gf about the communication I had with my ex to protect her and our relationship.

The sending the picture idea was just to prove my point that I was serious about moving out of my house soon, and it was silly to move all her stuff into my house while I'm trying to "stage" the house for a sell.

You have to learn to put yourself in other peoples shoes to truly see the damage you are doing to others.

This^. You are so busy justifying your actions instead of focussing on the hurt they caused. The fact is: your actions hurt her. End of. That doesn't mean your reasons are invalid, but they don't have a place in the apology you needed to make to her.

Think of it like this: you are driving a car and swerve to avoid a child that runs onto the street. In so doing, you save her life. Unfortunately, you hit someone else's child and they die. That child's parents are devastated. Do you apologize to those parents by saying: "I was trying to avoid hitting the other child!". God, I hope not.

People who can't deliver an effective apology are often pathologic in some way.

Read this and learn:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201012/the-science-effective-apologies