When it's great it's wonderful but what happens when it's not so great?

[michelle23]

Tassy I think you really need to write all the good things about him down and then all the bad. How many days you feel angry and how many days you feel terrible and make a decision whether you should stay with him or move forward without him.

You have to do what you feel is right for you. I personally dont see porn as cheating but i am aware of all the problems it can and does create in a relationship. It can even lead to sex addiction and prostitutes etc in extreme cases especially in middle aged men who use it as way to deal with stress.

I understand why it bothers you-everyone has a different opinion on it but i think the kind of porn that is so easily accessible today compared to 20 or 30years ago makes normal sex look abnormal and lots of men get confused between fantasy and reality. That is when it becomes a problem.

If he gave up so easily on counselling the first time round, he may not be willing to fix the problems. You both eed to go wholeheartedly and both really want your relationship to get better for it to work.

If you feel you are giving a lot more than he is-it may be a good idea to throw in the towel and just look after you. Be selfish for once and focus on making you happy. It is your choice of course.

I wish you luck abd happieness xx

[tassy]

well tassy, you take michelle's advice if you wish then.. I guess she is the only one that will tell you what you want to hear.

She is the only one who pointed out that i am trying to get help, i have come here for it too and i really appreciate her noticing that im not just whinging. If everyone was able just to accept bullshit in their lives easily or simply walk away from the one they love there would be no need for this site that YOU and WAKEUP have also joined now would there?

[Wakeup]

if everyone would just go back to my first post in here i said i didnt want to mention what the issue was as the issue wasnt as big of an issue as the LIES about the issue but people thought it was cheating so i had to mention it and some people ran with that. Sorry for being a pain in a lot of peoples arses.

He lies because he's likely addicted to it and doesn't want to stop. He knows if he doesn't stop, you will be upset so the cycle continues. Have you ever asked him to join a porn addiction group? If you have, what was his response?

She is the only one who pointed out that i am trying to get help, i have come here for it too and i really appreciate her noticing that im not just whinging. If everyone was able just to accept bullshit in their lives easily or simply walk away from the one they love there would be no need for this site that YOU and WAKEUP have also joined now would there?

No one said you were just whining.. only you said that. I said you're in denial about your own issues because you're so focused on trying to change the man you fell in love with to be the man you want him to be.

[tassy]

Pretty much what Rob said, you get your toys and you let him have his fun. He gets what he wants and you get what you want. There won't be any lies anymore because you will both know about it.

Again someone not reading it fully!!!! He still continues to say he wont do it! I know i know like wakeup said his actions are screaming loudly that he wont, but what am i to do? Plus FFS it is not just about porn!!!!!!!!!!!! He ......it doesnt matter, forget it i apologise for ever posting.

[tassy]

you cause the lies, by your insecurities and co-dependence , just let him watch it and he won't lie to you.. just cause you say something.. he does not have to jump when you say how high.. so let him watch porn and you get your vibrator.. if he bitches then say... you watch porn or whatever and see what happens then.

I cause the lies?????? OMG you are one of those from now on your replies do not exist to me.

[tassy]

you're going to judge me based on me watching a certain tv show and finding CARTOON characters funny... I like the old pedophile man.. does that make me a pedo, Im starting to believe tassy there is more to your story.. I think you are the problem. You should look in to this.

who out of the two of us has cheated and been cheated upon? my goodness you really do have some issues. Dont bother posting here anymore you dont exist to me.

[Wakeup]

Again someone not reading it fully!!!! He still continues to say he wont do it! I know i know like wakeup said his actions are screaming loudly that he wont, but what am i to do? Plus FFS it is not just about porn!!!!!!!!!!!! He ......it doesnt matter, forget it i apologise for ever posting.

Well as long as you keep denying everything, including the fact that its only the lying that bothers you, you'll be better off. Tell us, if he told you "honey, I'm going down for a wank to internet porn now so don't disturb me for a half hour or so" would you be jiggy with that?

[rob1984]

you're right.. but do not pick and chose the advice you want and attack others cause they do not tell you what you want to hear. Im certain he is not the only problem.. if you did not feel that way then you would not be here complaining what he does and what you can't...

[bearz]

Again someone not reading it fully!!!! He still continues to say he wont do it! I know i know like wakeup said his actions are screaming loudly that he wont, but what am i to do? Plus FFS it is not just about porn!!!!!!!!!!!! He ......it doesnt matter, forget it i apologise for ever posting.

What I meant is that you should tell him that it's ok for him to do whatever he wants and you do whatever you want, and see how that goes.

You can say it's not about the porn all you want, but the discussion always comes back to it because it seems to be the root of the problem. Unless there is something else that you aren't telling us.

[tassy]

Tassy I think you really need to write all the good things about him down and then all the bad. How many days you feel angry and how many days you feel terrible and make a decision whether you should stay with him or move forward without him.

You have to do what you feel is right for you. I personally dont see porn as cheating but i am aware of all the problems it can and does create in a relationship. It can even lead to sex addiction and prostitutes etc in extreme cases especially in middle aged men who use it as way to deal with stress.

I understand why it bothers you-everyone has a different opinion on it but i think the kind of porn that is so easily accessible today compared to 20 or 30years ago makes normal sex look abnormal and lots of men get confused between fantasy and reality. That is when it becomes a problem.

If he gave up so easily on counselling the first time round, he may not be willing to fix the problems. You both eed to go wholeheartedly and both really want your relationship to get better for it to work.

If you feel you are giving a lot more than he is-it may be a good idea to throw in the towel and just look after you. Be selfish for once and focus on making you happy. It is your choice of course.

I wish you luck abd happieness xx

Thank you I will do just what you have suggested thanks so much for your kindness and informed opinion it means a lot to me more than you will ever know and your timing was perfect. Thanks again you're pretty great

[michelle23]

Porn is NOT the only issue she mentioned btw guys. If you want to go back and read all the info she gave you will see that there are other issues too such as the pot smoking, him not caring when she hurt her back and could barely get out of bed, the lies and empty promises, being offended that she wanted to get a vibrator...

You are all too judgemental of her here and too harsh as she is cleatly very upset. Telling her to leave is a bit pointless and stupid because she has given him 3years and is here because she wants advice on any way to try and fix it. Now ive already told her if it was me-i would leave but that is her decision.

Also a few male posters have alsi said the porn IS an issue. It is not just me apparantly "telling her what she wants to hear"

and the main reason i think it is an addiction is because it is combined with the dope and he even went to counselling but still lies about it

[rob1984]

lol.. wake up thats funny.. she's oblivious to everything.. she wants a saint.. its why she and michelle get along so well. Good Luck tassy.. maybe the next guy you find will not have a porn problem.. but may hit you when you speak.. or drink every night... or gamble your money away... oh no he lied about watching porn BIG FUKING DEAL. Get over it. If you want a dildo buy one. You do not need his permission. I use one with my wife.. hell if its better then my penis and she's happy Im happy lol..

[Wakeup]

Telling her to leave is a bit pointless and stupid because she has given him 3years and is here because she wants advice on any way to try and fix it. Now ive already told her if it was me-i would leave but that is her decision.

Tell us Michelle. Would you stay with him? Keep trying to change him to be who you thought he was?

[tassy]

Well as long as you keep denying everything, including the fact that its only the lying that bothers you, you'll be better off. Tell us, if he told you "honey, I'm going down for a wank to internet porn now so don't disturb me for a half hour or so" would you be jiggy with that?

Maybe i would, to tell you the truth I have, there was a time due to a health issue where i couldnt make love and i was ok with it, I even suggested it. I felt bad that i couldnt meet his needs for a time so yes it has happened. But again there are many issues where he lies, are they ALL my fault too? You have made up your mind of who i am and what is wrong with me, so really there is no point anymore. Wish you well and if you ever have to post here because you are unhappy i wish you someone much kinder than yourself to be there for you.

[smackie9]

I ask you this Tassy...... So what is accomplished if he stops watching porn? He will stop comparing you to those women? It will make him stop masturbating? Desire you more? He will stop thinking dirty thoughts about other women? Make him a better BF? Or is it to make YOU feel better because you just don't approve?