
Originally Posted by
cheazypeaz
hey guys.
i cant sleep tonight, well its mainly because im not very tired, but also partly because i keep thinking of her, i guess this is probably normal, but its been about 3 weeks since the break up and i really feel i miss her, just in general. sure the bad bits are still there and i think of them. its honestly so wierd sleeping by myself.
i know i shouldn't have but i just read through all the old messages she sent me on my phone, i have ones from back in july that i stored, saying how i am her best boyfriend ever and she would never do anything to hurt me, and well she has done now.
then i read through some more, i just like to remember how it all happened, and how all the things kinda nit together to make the breakup, its really quite depressing that we broke up on really shitty terms and it wasn't all that of a 'biggie'. its the 5th now and i havent spoken to her since the first, so thats over 4 days since i never replied to her message.
I feel like im stabbing myself here, its a feeling where i have two minds and two reactions to. thats obviously to hold on and let go. through the messages it clearly says in more than two of them 'we can try again in the future' .. does this just imply what the above says (women hanging on etc) or does it really mean something.
Last time i brought up the subject with her over the phone, she said she wanted to think about it and call me the next day, which she never did. My words were 'i dont want to sit around here waiting for your chance if theres nothing there, if you want me to talk to you i wont, if you think we have a chance let me know and i'll hold on' . i was straight to the point there and i think it showed her how serious i was.
And all those messages, just make me look at it so cockeyed thinking wtf has happened here, i really thought we were meant to be..
Comments welcome,
Spike