Male Ego and Insecurity

[misombra]

this would piss me the hell off.

somebody would have to accidentally die in his sleep.

[GrkScorp]

this would piss me the hell off.

somebody would have to accidentally die in his sleep.

you have to watch some Chris Rock preformances, I think you'd love him..

[Only-virgins]

somebody would have to accidentally die in his sleep.

Haha lol.

[GrkScorp]

Nah, it's not worth it.. i'm sure you can think of more creative ways to make him suffer..

[Mish]

Mish, if I found my husband tongue kissing some woman (and yes, he would at minimum need to open his mouth so its not all her fault), I would be angry. And I like to think of myself as a very reasonable lady.

Is that what happened with Caliboy? From what I understood Giga was reffering to his flirting and not French kissing another woman. Please see my earlier comment about "The Line" between attention getting and actual acts of cheating.

[Gigabitch]

I'd like to know what point I unknowingly made!

That I still get plenty of what I want.

Your insecurity is the "Guarding Sentry of his eyeballs" type.

I disagree. I only get pissed if he crosses a line. I don't get all bent out of shape over the idea of him appreciating that someone is attractive, God, I do that myself, all the time, but he does occasionally, cross the line over into "inappropriate in front of your girlfriend" behavior. I am trying to define this, I really am.

Is that what happened with Caliboy? From what I understood Giga was reffering to his flirting and not French kissing another woman. Please see my earlier comment about "The Line" between attention getting and actual acts of cheating.

No, that was something that happened a long, long time ago. It's a complicated story. He doesn't even remember it, it was so long ago. He would never do this now.

[Junket]

That I still get plenty of what I want.

My point to that point...maybe he does too, and that's why his mind is free to wander from time to time.

Hm?

[Mish]

I disagree. I only get pissed if he crosses a line. I don't get all bent out of shape over the idea of him appreciating that someone is attractive, God, I do that myself, all the time, but he does occasionally, cross the line over into "inappropriate in front of your girlfriend" behavior. I am trying to define this, I really am.

From what you've told me it sounded like "Guarding Sentry", but maybe it's because I don't know enough. What are the examples of "inappropriate in front of your girlfriend behavior" that he has done aside from being "extra" friendly in his conversations with women? What are the examples of him crossing the line? (And where do you draw the line?)

[CAM]

I read 80 percent of the comments here...

Comes down to reasons and behavior. Both issues have to be address. Reasons are variable, none of them excusable. Behavior is absolutely inexcusable. If you are interested in straightening him out, then you'd pursue the reasons for his behavior and then discuss the behavior itself. If you are interested in moving on then just focus on the behavior itself.

NO, not all men are strayers and flirting nut-jobs. If men do it on purpose, it is because they are trying to send a message to you...like, "I can move on, watch me" or "You really pissed me off, so I am going to piss you off." If his action was purposive, then it was in response to something else that is going on in your relationship...not a random event.

Now, I must go to bed. I'm so tired, I'm hallucinating...I can actually smell my ex-girlfriend's perfume emanating from my desk...where I screwed her 6 years ago...I think that it is a sign of being way too tired and way too abstinent for way too long Heck, I'm the one who should be out flirting around...not your very lucky boyfriend who should be cuddled up with beautiful you.

[DoesntMatter]

I'm hallucinating...I can actually smell my ex-girlfriend's perfume emanating from my desk...where I screwed her 6 years ago...

Wow man, that perfume must have been drugged or something. But you screwed your girlfriend in your office? Kinky

[Gigabitch]

What are the examples of "inappropriate in front of your girlfriend behavior" that he has done aside from being "extra" friendly in his conversations with women? What are the examples of him crossing the line? (And where do you draw the line?)

God, Mish, I don't really know... it hasn't gotten out of hand yet. I think it crosses the line when a conversation at a party starts to exclude everyone else around them, and he spends 20 minutes of his undivided attention on someone when he's supposed to be hosting the party with me.

I would find this annoying if he did it with a man, too. It just wouldn't have the added anxiety factor of making me wonder just how far that was going to go, someday.

[Mish]

God, Mish, I don't really know... it hasn't gotten out of hand yet. I think it crosses the line when a conversation at a party starts to exclude everyone else around them, and he spends 20 minutes of his undivided attention on someone when he's supposed to be hosting the party with me.

I would find this annoying if he did it with a man, too. It just wouldn't have the added anxiety factor of making me wonder just how far that was going to go, someday.

I see. So he hasn't really crossed the line? Well, at least not yet?

Well, in party instances you can just have a casual chat with him about this. Say you caught him having a half an hour chat with John (Or some other guy at the party) while guests were unattended to, make sure it's a guy that he was talking to and not a woman so he doesn't think you're guarding his eyeballs and say that you would like the two of you to spend more time with guests together as hosts and as a couple. And then at parties encourage this behaviour, by not having long chats with girlfriends as well. He should respond positively to this request provided both of you will recipricate.

And as far as anxiety for other women goes, I guess it's all about trust. You just need to trust him until such a time when he does hurt you. IF he does hurt you then you can confidently say that the trust had been broken. If he hasn't then you need to trust. For that to work you need to learn how to supress your own fears (Especially fears of competetion and of inferiority) and also establish how high you rank him on your personal trustworthiness meter.

[IndiReloaded]

And as far as anxiety for other women goes, I guess it's all about trust. You just need to trust him until such a time when he does hurt you. IF he does hurt you then you can confidently say that the trust had been broken. If he hasn't then you need to trust. For that to work you need to learn how to supress your own fears (Especially fears of competetion and of inferiority) and also establish how high you rank him on your personal trustworthiness meter.

See now, I disagree with this. A thinking person can recognize signs of trouble *before* they happen. I think the strong discussions need to happen now b/c the signs are already there.

By the time he does (if he does) break her trust by actually doing something, that will be a deal breaker for her, pretty sure. Especially with his history. He needs to know, now, what the consequences of hurting her will be. Try not to yell at him too loud when you do this, btw Giga...

[misombra]

giga, have you brought this up to him yet?

[Mish]

See now, I disagree with this. A thinking person can recognize signs of trouble *before* they happen. I think the strong discussions need to happen now b/c the signs are already there.

By the time he does (if he does) break her trust by actually doing something, that will be a deal breaker for her, pretty sure. Especially with his history. He needs to know, now, what the consequences of hurting her will be. Try not to yell at him too loud when you do this, btw Giga...

But he hasn't corssed the line? If she does have a talk with him at this stage he might interpret it as her lack of trust for him and Giga's own paranoia talking. As a consequance he might either dismiss her or see it as a personal red flag in their relationship. He might see it as Giga trying to attack him for just being himself or having such a low self esteem that she can't handle him with having female friend or talking to other women and sees them all as competition.

He likes recieving attention from other women, but from what I understand he hasn't done, nor is he planning to do anything harmful. So what would the conversation Giga should have with him center upon? Changing his personality? How does one go about doing that? All attempts of changing someone else's personality in a relationship I've known have eneded with total failure.