She left me...

[whaywardj]

What situation is that you're tired of, Pariank? The one which doesn't exist anymore?

[pariank]

Thank you that makes me feel better already.

[whaywardj]

Go out tonight and and enjoy the feeling of freedom. ANYTHING'S possible!

[pariank]

I can't believe this thing is happening again though(how I'm slowly sinking down emotionally). I'm getting slightly depressed again at the most inconvinient time. I have midterms this comming week and I can't even concentrate on doing one thing.

You guys are right with no contact at all with their ex one would start feeling better. Just that little contact managed to push everything I had recovered for the past week down to the ground.

I know and I always say it to myself that this is not worth it thinking about these things and I know that its not. I just can't help it my mind wonders around to her thought, I get angry and I get depressed.

Is there somthing wrong with me?

[whaywardj]

Nope. Things like that is why is why boards like this exist. Everybody goes through it. Bottom line: You just gotta shake your head and get on with your business regardless of how distracted or listless the whole thing makes you feel.

[pariank]

I appreciate how patient the people here are. Sometimes I feel dumb because I'm feeling that my posts are getting repetitive. I can litterally see somebody hammering all these information in my head.

[cheazypeaz]

hi mate,

my advice for you is to move on, the best advice i got from this forum was to stay off the forums, dont talk about it, just get on with my life. And well i didnt come on for about 4 days and it really helped me forget about her, not reading love story stuff etc.

spike

[whaywardj]

I can litterally see somebody hammering all these information in my head.

Uh...that would be your better judgment at work, I'd guess.

[pariank]

I guess what hurts the most in a breakup are the unanswered questions. I sometimes wonder if I did something wrong to drive my loved one away. I realized this while I was driving back home from watching a play. I still blame myself for the whole breakup at times and the times I get over it I get hit by guilt that I'm over it too quickly and cycles to blaming myself again.

I just wish I could have the answer to this question that I have that "what did I do wrong?". I know this will help to fill in the gaps significantly.

Will I just get over these continous cycle?

Is it okay to get over them (because I feel guilty and selfish each time I do)?

How can I learn from this and be better for the future (I don't think I'm getting anything out of this other than understanding how much it hurts. For example I don't know what I did wrong specificly. So how can you change a fault if you don't know what one is)?

[gHEXjt]

Unfortunately, the answers to your questions will not make you feel better. I sat around feeling the same way over the summer, and after a month of not hearing the answers, I got them and it was a major setback for me. They just made me feel like shit again. Here's the bottom line though, you can figure out what a lot of your problems were by yourself. First of all, three years is a very long time, especially when you're a teenager. You and she aren't the same people that you were when you first got together. Growing apart in terms of interests and feelings is natural. It's not like you never fought, and I'm sure there were things you said or did at some point that upset her. It could have even been something you thought was insignificant that really just got under her skin. For instance, my ex and I argued about religion a lot, which mainly consisted of me sitting and taking hours of abuse about the fact that I was not religious, and refused to attempt to be religious. Well that all subsided for a long time, but after the breakup I found that was still a major problem for her, especially if we were to have kids and I wouldn't be there encouraging them to find god or whatever.

Obviously you weren't perfect, cause there's no such thing as the perfect boyfriend, and if you think you were you're just lying to yourself. You could have been great, but there must have been some things that you disagreed on, or things about you that she didn't like that you didn't change. You need to think long and hard about this. Think of things that she wanted you to change about yourself that you didn't, and if it seems she was right about some things, than work now to change them so that you aren't the same way in your next relationship.

And you shouldn't feel guilty about getting over the whole thing. She dumped you, and you should be happy that you are getting over it quickly.

[whaywardj]

Unfortunately, the answers to your questions will not make you feel better.

God! That is soo ****ing TRUE! Here's something that may help, Pariank:

Like everyone else, I've gone through the same kind of crap over and over again. Any breakup ALWAYS triggers the same, or very similar, downward spiralling sentiments. After so many rounds of trying to figure out "what happened and what could I have done differently," it occurred to me to ask, "Wait a minnit. Why does it matter to me so much?" That's about when I hit on the thought that I was resistant to change...especially any for which I hadn't given my permission. Over the years, I've come to believe that's a fundamental quality of the male psyche. We don't like change. Given that, I no longer ask the same questions.

[pariank]

This is getting easier and easier now just as long as I promise to myself to have no contact with my ex in any case. I deleted her from my phonebook and my cellphone. I cleared my room from any signs of her. I'll clear more stuff as I see them.

Now all I have to do is not answer any of her calls and survive this semester of theatre.

[Mish]

"When I was pulling up my garage when my ex called me. She wondered how I was doing. I don't really remember what I replied or if I even replied at all. She picked up from my voice that I was a bit angry and just said "I guess I'll never call you gain". Finally I had the guts to say "yeah". Then she hung up. I'm so proud to finally reject her from my heart." by pariank

You have to find a way of cutting her off completely from your life. Once all of this exchange of personal belongings is finished make sure you don't pick up her calls, don't answer her messages, or emails. She made a choice to be with someone else effectively reducing everything you had to nothing, so now you have no obligations to her what so ever. By ignoring her you first are setting your self up for moving on and second you return a little bit of how it feels like to be on the recieving end.

In the future if she is hurt again and needs your help, don't run back to her or this whole episode will once again be repeated. Take a completely objective approach and talk to her the closest as a friend...

"I guess what hurts the most in a breakup are the unanswered questions. I sometimes wonder if I did something wrong to drive my loved one away." by pariank

You did not neccesarily do anything wrong. It could have been your personality or some personal traits that she felt at odds with and that drove her away, in which case there is not much that you could have done to stop these events. What i like to reflect on with my exs is my past behaviour that recieved the negatives and then see how i can change these behavioural patterns in the future.

Anyway, hope above helps. Good Luck!!!

[pariank]

Thanks for your reply Mishanya. I've just been taking time by myself I promise I'm not ignoring anyone here. It's really hard being alone after having somebody for 3 years. I'm surviving everyday so I guess thats the upside. Sometimes I still go through trying nights when my mind just floods with all the happy memories I had with her. I trully miss doing the things I did with her.

Today she tried talking to me again in my theatre class. She asked me if I have done any of my lab hours yet. I just briefly said "no" and I just ignored her for the rest of class. She seemed pretty upset.

It hurts me to see her like that(like I said she was my baby), but it's my turn now to watch out for myself. She's hurt me so many times that I don't think I'll be able to recover if she ever got back with me and breakup again.

[TAVS]

Way to go Pariank. Stick to your guns, its for your own good