Help me please Husband wants divorce what should I do?

[Wakeup]

Do not follow this advice until you have conferred with an attorney. This is the kind of stuff that I am referring to in earlier posts. This advice could have legal ramifications if he decides to claim that you have kidnapped his child or are restricting contact, even for a day or two. Again, if you are reading this, sign off and seek professional legal advice.

I'm going to assume that the advise to kidnap the child was an exageration (put forth as legit).

All I can say is: If my husband ever took our daughter like that and had not told me where she was, the police would indeed be called which of course wouldn't be very conducive to regaining the lost emotionaly connection in the least.

You do not use your child as a pawn in your marital troubles. EVER. Doing so is child abuse.

[michelle23]

yup totally agree with you but shes not gonna leave him and her daughter will grow up and marry a narcissistic prick just like mommy did and her son will grow up and be just like daddy. Monsters create other monsters. That is how these people are made and doormats are made as well-not born that way.

Shes likely not gonna take any of our advice-she will allow him to treat her like crap and he will walk all over her. Shocking women like that still exist in the western world. Im just glad I am not one of them.

Best of luck OP especially to your little girl. Shes gonna need it.

[michelle23]

jeez people-I did not say to kidnap the kid. I said take her on a holiday and let him know she is safe and will be back in a few days. How is that kidnapping? The environment right now is not healthy for that child watching mommy beg daddy not to shag some other woman in her house. That is f**king child abuse. Taking her away from there right now is the best thing for that poor little girl.

And I didnt mean it to come across that way (using a child as a weapon) leave the kid with a relative for a few days if your worried about that. The whole point of it is to shock him into realizing that he has lost his wife (not his child), your not a fool or a doormat and if he wants you back he is gonna have to earn back your trust, love and respect.

Staying where you are, kissing his ass and allowing him to have all the power will just ensure he loses more respect for you.

[Am I crazy?]

MIchelle,

You are an idiot delving into an area you are clearly inexperienced and are giving advice that could have potential legal ramifications. As I said earlier in another thread, you are waaaay to full of yourself. The most dangerous people to give advice are people without knowledge or experience to back it up. That is you, any it shows.

[Wakeup]

Is there anything that I can do to stay with him?

I am willing let him sleep with others, I don't even question who he slept with. I don't really care what he does with other women, its not important to me. If that's what he wants to do, I'm happy for him.

Should I tell him this? would this help change his mind?

I think the very fact that you think so little about yourself would put you even further down on his list of favourite people and their ideals.

Seriously... you'd share him with other women? A man who wanted to marry a virgin and feels fine with fking another women while still married? Do you not see the double standard, the hypocracy, the disrespect to you in that? Had he got you financially dependent on him and that's why you fear being without him to the point of abusing your own self-worth to stay with him?

I too would like to know your culture. It would explain a few things if you were raised to believe that you are a second class citizen put on this earth to serve men.

Call a lawyer and get your ducks in a row. If he's going to leave you then make sure you have your rights to property and custody of your child in place before he moves all the liquid assests into hiding and talks some high end official into believing you're an unfit mother. If he'd call the police on you for calling him at work, then I wouldn't doubt he'd do any underhanded thing he had to do to save his ego.

[michelle23]

MIchelle,

You are an idiot delving into an area you are clearly inexperienced and are giving advice that could have potential legal ramifications. As I said earlier in another thread, you are waaaay to full of yourself. The most dangerous people to give advice are people without knowledge or experience to back it up. That is you, any it shows.

shut up you loser. I am trying to help her. I didnt say to kidnap the kid but of course you will jump on that. Did I not already ask you to stay out of my posts?

[bcgirl]

Given the fact that he is off his rocker and have already contacted police about harassment and brought hookers home, I don't think it's a good idea to take the daughter and leave for holidays. She already has a talking to about harassment, police know she's having marital problems. A move like taking the daughter away without talking to the father of the child to see if its okay can lead to a bigger problem involving police. Plus the fact that a emotionally unstable mother taking her kid out of the home to a strange place will most likely psychologically distraught the kid.

[Wakeup]

jeez people-I did not say to kidnap the kid. I said take her on a holiday and let him know she is safe and will be back in a few days. How is that kidnapping? The environment right now is not healthy for that child watching mommy beg daddy not to shag some other woman in her house. That is f**king child abuse. Taking her away from there right now is the best thing for that poor little girl.

And I didnt mean it to come across that way (using a child as a weapon) leave the kid with a relative for a few days if your worried about that. The whole point of it is to shock him into realizing that he has lost his wife (not his child), your not a fool or a doormat and if he wants you back he is gonna have to earn back your trust, love and respect.

Staying where you are, kissing his ass and allowing him to have all the power will just ensure he loses more respect for you.

It's always nice to see you explain what you actually meant. I know that i f my husband took our child without my agreement and discussion (holiday or not) then there would be some hell to pay. Op's husband will likely end up taking his daughter. He sounds like the type to fight for her not because he wants custody but because he knows it will kill his ex to be without her.

Anyway, when divorce and children are involved and it's clear that there isn't going to be any reconcilliation (bringing a woman home to shag her before they're even separated tells me he was just looking for an excuse to get out of this marriage) then its best to get legal advise ASAP before someone does exactly what you suggests but doesn't bother to tell the other where they are or what they are doing.

The very point that he wanted to marry a virgin would have been enough for me to get rid of him... unless he himself was a virgin of course and it was due to religious reasons.

Op: He's going to proclaim "I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you" so call a lawyer NOW.

[Am I crazy?]

Michelle (idiot)

Do you really think I am making this up?

"Did I not already ask you to stay out of my posts?"

Now this is your post? gee, I though it was just a woman looking for help with her problem. Is this yet another one of your made up screen names? have you now resorted to posting phony scenarios just so you can give yourself advice?

cue the "twilight zone" theme in 5....4.......3.....

[michelle23]

oh for f**ks sake. You really are a twat. I meant STOP replying to me. I cant take you seriously and you are doing my head in. I am actually in really bad form. I lost my Granddad on Sunday, I am at work and I don't want to be here. I came on here to pass some time and distract myself and you are just winding me up more. I will argue with you till the f**king cows come home when I am in a better mood if thats what you want but right now just go away. Thanks

[Wakeup]

She said "posts" crazy, not "threads". Just sayin.

[michelle23]

Given the fact that he is off his rocker and have already contacted police about harassment and brought hookers home, I don't think it's a good idea to take the daughter and leave for holidays. She already has a talking to about harassment, police know she's having marital problems. A move like taking the daughter away without talking to the father of the child to see if its okay can lead to a bigger problem involving police. Plus the fact that a emotionally unstable mother taking her kid out of the home to a strange place will most likely psychologically distraught the kid.

good point. And yes it was a stupid idea. but you should defo leave and go to a relatives house coz he is walking all over you OP

[Am I crazy?]

Michelle,

Sorry to hear about your loss. However that being said your grief does not justify bad advice nor am I going to disregard it. If I am getting in your head the best thing you can do is log off. I am not changing my behavior to accommodate yours.

[VincenzoG91]

The past is the past, for better or worse. Don't bother trying to save the marriage, your husband has zero respect for you. I don't care what his culture or religion are, he is a vast hypocrite that doesn't deserve any respect or apologies, let alone tolerance for his cheating on you while you're in the next room. What you need to do is accept that this marriage is ending, and get a divorce lawyer. Your husband isn't going to be fair about this, but there is a decent chance that you will get a decent outcome in court.

[Wakeup]

I don't care what her culture is either but it would explain why she's so complacent and willing to be disrespected in such a manner. Brainwashing.