The steely exterior ex-GF's put up after a break up

[TimeToGrowUp]

Yeah, I'm sorry, I figure that was something you wanted to do based on all this hubbub over a text and the fact that you probably still have some questions about you two. I keep forgetting that you are a sane and rational person and that it's been a while and you are no longer trying to get back together or anything. You got thick skin buddy, let this one bounce off you with minimal response. It's the manly macho thing to do! If it's becoming more and more commonplace though, you will have to tell her to leave you alone give you space, etc.

What I meant was, if the subject about "us" is ever going to be approached - she's going to have to be the one to approach it. Although in a way, she's the one sitting there saying "I don't want us to hate each other" ....... I want her to expand on what that even means, but I don't want to drag anything out of her. That's why if I respond I want to respond nonchalantly, with sort of a back door probe, if there is such a thing with this.

I'm not 100% over her. I'm just kind of distanced at the moment but I have accepted the fact we are no longer together. I grieved like I had never grieved before over a woman. And then I started getting mad because it really wasn't just me the entire time. She played a role in this too. I allowed myself to "I'm sorry" all over the place and I needed to show some more self-respect. I didn't have a chance to mentally prepare for the trainer thing, but the particular aspect of it disgusts me so much that I'm not hurt, just shaking my head.

[lahnnabell]

Time, remember what we said about taking it at "face value". Don't let this text of hers eat away at you like the last several weeks did.

You have two options.
1. You can call her and be up front about it. (Texting will only result in this huge game of tag, I can assure you.) By calling she can hear the seriousness in your voice and not shy away with stupid questions or feign confusion.

2. You can decide you really don't give a shit, and ignore her. She may try to contact you again over time, but it'll be easier to stick to your guns every time. You already know what her deal is, so why jump back in and torture yourself some more? She clearly doesn't have your best interest at heart.

The original message itself is really a sugar-coated attempt at remaining a thorn in your side. Keep in mind she no longer has access to your Facebook of Myspace since you unfriended her. She is saying something nice to break the ice, and hopefully stay on your radar. If she's feeling crappy, then great, she'll learn more from that than if you were to remain her friend.

[lhn]

TimeToGrowUp... I'm starting to think that I have a dual-personality and you're really me on a different username.

Jesus, never knew someone elses situation to be so like my own.

GL... stick to NC. I work with my ex, would rather be able to NC her.

[TimeToGrowUp]

TimeToGrowUp... I'm starting to think that I have a dual-personality and you're really me on a different username.

Jesus, never knew someone elses situation to be so like my own.

GL... stick to NC. I work with my ex, would rather be able to NC her.

Relating to mine just that much?

[Coco]

This thread is getting on my nerves. Would you stop whining over this bitch. She is clearly playing games with you and you're being a toy. Breaking is never easy to do unless you have erased all feelings for them. I'm going through it too.

[TimeToGrowUp]

This thread is getting on my nerves. Would you stop whining over this bitch. She is clearly playing games with you and you're being a toy. Breaking is never easy to do unless you have erased all feelings for them. I'm going through it too.

Easy............

[Coco]

Easy............

Not Easy. But there comes a time when enough is enough. I am just getting there and I have a long road ahead of me too.

[TimeToGrowUp]

Not Easy. But there comes a time when enough is enough. I am just getting there and I have a long road ahead of me too.

I guess it's because I was shocked. I never thought I was going to get a crumb thrown my way. And in the last week to week and a half I really had mentally moved in the direction that she's gone permanently and nothing about the relationship was positive to her. I had a great time being out with friends. I have finally been able to look at other women like women instead of like aliens.

[Coco]

Good for you that is major progress. I think it would be best for you to try and not have contact with her.

[TimeToGrowUp]

...........and the rabbit hole just got deeper.

The trainer's ex-fiance of 2.5 years messaged my on Myspace last night. We'll call her ex- Rob and my ex- Jen for the sake of the story.

Quote:
Hey ****,

I know that we met a long time ago at *****. I was wondering if you were up for discussing why your ex gf and my fiance took off together. I am sorry if this is a difficult subject for you, but Jen became a good friend of mine that I trusted and before I knew it, sabotaged my engagement and now they are in the same apartment in my complex.

It seems like they planned this out. She broke it off with you right around the time Rob ended our 2 & 1/2 year engagement.

Have you spoken to her lately, did she tell you why they are now together. I am totally pissed and sad at the same time. If you don't want to talk about this I totally understand.

Apparently she has been telling Rob a bunch of things to make me look bad. The sad thing is, she's not someone he would usually date at all. & I find it really weird how fast we were let go of and how quickly they moved. You know that he brought her to his mom's house over the christmas holiday when we split just a few weeks before hand.

I'm so sick to my stomach over all of this. I was getting better about everything. I went completely NC. Then I get that nice text from my ex- on Saturday which got my wheels spinning a little bit.........and now I get this message. I'm upset and raging again all at the same time.

[lhn]

Relating to mine just that much?

Mine is now dating her PT. Identical...

Following on from your update... Jesus. Well that says it all doesnt it. Sometimes no matter how much you think you know someone, they turn out to be different and no matter how much you wish there aren't, you just can't change it (does that make sense?!)

That will reset you horribly I should imagine. Have you decided whether you will reply?

[lahnnabell]

OMG. I'm so sorry, dude... Did you respond? Keep us posted

[cmacattack1]

Some supporting evidence that you cannot grow as person when you are in a relationship. Sounds like your ex hasn't grown up or come along at all smearing her good friend. I hope you aren't mad at me for growing a negative and biased opinion of this "wonderful" person you call your ex.

Now you have another person to air out how you feel with and I'm sure she is more than understanding on the matter at least....

[TimeToGrowUp]

My 4.5 year relationship was a complete joke.

What a day it's been. Not only did I get to hear all the dirt on my ex-'s new trainer boyfriend from his ex-fiance, I got the mother of all text messages from my ex's former roommate.

Apparently while we were together she slept with a guy she swore up and down was "only a friend" ........ a guy I always had suspicions about. Her ex- roommate told me she was tired of keeping it a secret, that I should know.

So let's recount the massacre. My ex- leaves me for a man 12 years her elder (40 years old), a man who's got a felony and can't even lease an apartment in his own name, a man who's a dead beat dad and doesn't pay child support (wow you'd think that would be undesirable given that her father flew the coup when she was a child), a man who runs a joke of a fitness training operation ....... I mean he can't even make the payments on the closet sized space he leases at the gym I train at, it was his ex-fiance who used to take care of all of it. Oh and by the way, the man has a fetish for wearing woman's clothing and you guessed it - likes to be ummmmm let's just say "treated like a woman" ............and guess what? He's still calling his ex-fiance every day telling her he misses her, that he loves her, that my ex- doesn't really do it for him ...........

Apparently my ex- was so brainwashed by the "competitive fitness" crap that she felt out of place because she was the only girl among the group that wasn't dating a guy involved in their program. The sick part is at one time the trainer (when he was still with his fiance) was actively trying to hook her up with a married guy who trained with them. Again, this trainer who I thanked every single day for getting my girlfriend back in shape and feeling good about herself. What's ironic is as much as she lusted over him, she'd tell the trainer and his ex-fiance that she could "never cheat on me" ..... Ha, what a laugh. Not cheat on me? Apparently she forgot about her good buddy.

My heart........ my trust.......... my world is in shambles right now, not going to lie. I swore up and down for years that after what I had been thru at 18 and 20, that I couldn't trust women. It's amazing I got to the point I did wit her given my experiences and then when I let my guard down - it happened again. My previous two relationships both did this to me. This has just gotten worse and worse and worse. I had been debating the past 3 days whether to respond to that nice text message she left me on Saturday and then all of this sudden this information comes raining down on me.

I can never get my 4.5 years back ..........never ..........I don't get to be 25 again with plenty of time to feel things out. I get to be 30, one month away from 31, and having to pick up these kinds of pieces. This was why I dragged my feet with her. This is why I never had her move in. It was my gut telling me all along something wasn't right about this chick and yet she back-doored her way into my life, my well-guarded love, and my emotions.

[lahnnabell]

We are not all like this... I promise. Shit. I wish I could buy you a beer or something.

Remember, breathing is good. I hope you are not planning to do something silly like try to contact your ex while you're in this state. Or slash her tires.

Please, keep us updated.