No Contact = Success

[Horseyguy]

I'm mystified because he told me two weeks before he dumped me - over what really ought to have been a non-issue - that I was everything he wanted in a woman and couldn't imagine wanting to be with anyone else. I'm mystified because I honestly believe he made a decision that went against what he really wanted, simply because it was easier to break up than for him to sacrifice something for another person.

I guess I shouldn't be so surprised, given how unbelievably stubborn and self-centered he is - and yet I'm still amazed when the days go by and I don't hear from him.

However - I met someone absolutely wonderful last night. Someone I could never ever imagine being with longterm, but who, for the time being, has made it easy for me to forget my ex. So I doubt I'll be losing much sleep over the ex anymore...

Fark me, are we leading parallel lives or what!! lol

I just met someone and was thinking the same thing

[tremolo]

Fark me, are we leading parallel lives or what!! lol

I just met someone and was thinking the same thing

Shame you and I aren't closer to each other. I'd love to compare notes over drinks!!

Maybe we should set our exes up with each other

[Cerby]

I'm becoming a junkie to this site to keep my mind off of things, I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing. .

[tremolo]

Fark me, are we leading parallel lives or what!! lol

I just met someone and was thinking the same thing

I don't know about this woman you met... but the guy I met did a lot of things, straight off the bat, that my ex never would have done that I always wanted him to do. For example, he opened up to me on a very deep level, talking to me about a number of super personal and private things, he picked up on a variety of my great but not-so-obvious qualities that my ex never explicitly did, AND... he says I am such incredible company, and he is so smitten with me, he will drive the hour to see me whenever I can make time for him. !! I can count on one hand the number of times my ex drove to see me in the 8 months we were together.

This new guy is making is INSANELY easy to move on from my ex...

[Cerby]

Careful not to destroy this guy Tremolo, you know the pain, and rebounding is usually just a way to pass it on to someone else.

[tremolo]

Careful not to destroy this guy Tremolo, you know the pain, and rebounding is usually just a way to pass it on to someone else.

You're totally right, and I'll be careful not to hurt him... However, this guy strikes me as the kind who has played many, many women in his past. I don't think he's doing that to me, because I think he's old enough now he's learned his lesson... but I'll be taking things very slowly and not rushing anything. I'm moving away in 6 months anyway, so there's no point in getting into anything serious unless I think it is worth holding onto and enduring a short-term LDR for it... but for right now, it's nice to have an appreciative male to spend time with who is interesting and makes all my cares dissipate. He's really just wonderful, wonderful company.

[Horseyguy]

I don't know about this woman you met... but the guy I met did a lot of things, straight off the bat, that my ex never would have done that I always wanted him to do. For example, he opened up to me on a very deep level, talking to me about a number of super personal and private things, he picked up on a variety of my great but not-so-obvious qualities that my ex never explicitly did, AND... he says I am such incredible company, and he is so smitten with me, he will drive the hour to see me whenever I can make time for him. !! I can count on one hand the number of times my ex drove to see me in the 8 months we were together.

This new guy is making is INSANELY easy to move on from my ex...

Puhahaha

She drove to see me last night (an hour away) I almost had to drag my ex kicking and screaming to come see me at my place

And what attracted me to her was the way she opened up straight away, told me some very personal things about her and I was just taken a back at how open and honest she was being with her feelings. I was like wow, she can like err communicate about emotional stuff wow.

Well I hope it all works out for you I really do )) at worst it sounds like it's a good distraction and you so deserve to be happy.

[Horseyguy]

Shame you and I aren't closer to each other. I'd love to compare notes over drinks!!

Maybe we should set our exes up with each other

Yeah I think the distance is a problem lol. Shame though, I could do with some help on my Masters lol

But it might work for the ex's, if they don't have to see each other they wont have to communicate to each other they would get on like a house on fire, sounds like a match made in heaven

[flynhayn]

HAHAHA today is 1 month. or i think a bit more.. i cant even remember what her voice sounds like. Holy Shit. Still think about her everyday though but the pain is getting easier.

Haha you know what... I actually can't remember what my girl's voice sounds like either! Thats funny....

I had an interesting "revelation" today... I realized that in the event of her ever coming back in the possible future, I might actually get pissed off about it instead of overjoyed. After all the frustration she's put me through, and all I've done in the months since then and will continue to do from here, does she really deserve an immediate warm welcome from me if she decides to come waltzing back into my life whenever she pleases? No one gets that privilege after pulling a move like that.

If it ever were to happen.... oh the fun I would have giving her the friend-zone illusion....

[DarkHelmet82]

Tremelo and Horseguy.. you both should not be dating someone to get over your current exes..date them because you can see something coming from it but to do it simply to "forget" is just wrong, selfish, and mean. Now if you can see a long term relationship with them cool. But dont lead a person on so you can get over your exes.. My ex did that to me and then she tells me she likes me but isnt ready to date anyone. Dont do to someone what shes doing to me.. its not nice. Just my two cents. How would you feel if someone did it to you?

There is NOTHING worse than entering a relationship where one person is just using the other for self healing.. and you will eventually just end up back to where you were before dating the reboundee, excpet you are spreading your "poison" onto a new person. Everyone has feelings, and leading someone on is not right!

[OmnicronPercei8]

Haha you know what... I actually can't remember what my girl's voice sounds like either! Thats funny....

I had an interesting "revelation" today... I realized that in the event of her ever coming back in the possible future, I might actually get pissed off about it instead of overjoyed. After all the frustration she's put me through, and all I've done in the months since then and will continue to do from here, does she really deserve an immediate warm welcome from me if she decides to come waltzing back into my life whenever she pleases? No one gets that privilege after pulling a move like that.

If it ever were to happen.... oh the fun I would have giving her the friend-zone illusion....

I've thought about that too of course and don't know if I'd take mine back either. After all the pain and hurt she's caused me... But then again I must have caused her hurt and pain in the first place for her to distance herself emotionally and end what we had. It's a moot point thinking about it anyway but the fantasies will play out in my head over and over and yes I would take her back with open arms provided she could convince me that I'm not just a sucker for doing so. Even if I've moved on emotionally I would consider starting again from scratch. After all this was the woman that I had planned on marrying, having children with, and growing old with.

[Anonymous1234]

Hey!
My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago. I am feeling pretty crappy because he wasn't clear with me when he broke up with me, and then we went out for drinks and he treated me like I was his "buddy". It felt terrible, and the next day I texted him "please do not contact me".

I texted him the next day after he was like "please talk to me". I wrote a text I did not mean to send but unfortunatly I sat on my phone (hours after writing, it should have been keypad locked!) and it sent. I re-iterated the next day to please not contact me.

I called him a week later to ask for "clarity". He said he was "confused". I was feeling really bad about that but did not contact him.

Last Thursday he sends me this text: "please be patient with me. i am sorry"

That text angered me so much. He stringing me along and also gets to apologize, seriously?!Broken I called him on Friday and he did not answer. I sent him a text saying "Got your text, we need to talk. Please call me tomorrow"

He did not respond until Tuesday late night saying "Maybe we can meet Thursday to talk. I am sorry for delaying." I texted him telling him I was busy Thursday, but free Friday early evening. He texted me at 5pm Friday saying when was good for me, I told him I was busy. (I made other plans when I didn't hear from him!).

And here is where I get really mad at myself:

I texted him saying "how about tomorrow?" I was really upset and wanted clarity from him but knew better than to engage with him at all, just making this easier for him and harder for me. He was like sure we can meet tomorrow.

I was really upset and went for a walk and decided I did not want to meet with him. I texted him: "I thought about it and I do not want to meet"

He texted me: "Okay well that probably signifies the end then. I am sorry we could not talk"

That made me feel so angry and sad. It gets worse: I texted him back "I do want to talk"

We then had the Worst text conversation for my self-respect. He was like "I love you but this aint working. we will figure this out but it needs time when tensions have eased"

I texted him "I don't feel tension." "I think we do need to talk"

He repeated "please leave me be for awhile"

I repeated: "We need to meet and talk"

He responded with flippant remarks like "do your thing" and then "the ball is in your court" So I said "Lets meet tomorrow as planned"

He said "No promises. Please stop texting me"

Why I'm angry about this is because I knew better than to be in touch with him at all from day one, and I feel I have made it easier for him and also made him respect me less, and me respecting myself less after this. Yet I know it makes sense because he was being so unclear (His breakup talk really wasn't clear that we were even breaking up).

Writing here to get support. I am not going to contact him ever again and will not respond if he contacts me, but we have several mutual friends and what I wanted was:

For him to feel bad for hurting me
To be in NC
Then for him to eventually see that I have moved on and am happier without him

But now I feel like he doesn't even respect me and feel less respect for myself so harder to move on. Any advice on how to regain any power and respect back in this situation? How to still get my three goals above?

Love to all and good luck with NC.

[tremolo]

Tremelo and Horseguy.. you both should not be dating someone to get over your current exes..date them because you can see something coming from it but to do it simply to "forget" is just wrong, selfish, and mean. Now if you can see a long term relationship with them cool. But dont lead a person on so you can get over your exes.. My ex did that to me and then she tells me she likes me but isnt ready to date anyone. Dont do to someone what shes doing to me.. its not nice. Just my two cents. How would you feel if someone did it to you?

There is NOTHING worse than entering a relationship where one person is just using the other for self healing.. and you will eventually just end up back to where you were before dating the reboundee, excpet you are spreading your "poison" onto a new person. Everyone has feelings, and leading someone on is not right!

Well, I think there's a big difference between dating someone and jumping into a relationship with someone. I've made it quite clear to the person I went out with the other night that I am still healing from my broken relationship, and will not be getting into anything serious anytime soon. He seems to be okay with that, so I don't see any harm in spending time with him and getting to know him better. He surprised me the other night because I wasn't expecting him to be nearly half as great as I found him to be, so I'd kind of like to see what else is there. I don't feel I'm exploited or deceiving anyone... I've been quite upfront about my situation and what I can and cannot handle right now romantically.

[DarkHelmet82]

Well, I think there's a big difference between dating someone and jumping into a relationship with someone. I've made it quite clear to the person I went out with the other night that I am still healing from my broken relationship, and will not be getting into anything serious anytime soon. He seems to be okay with that, so I don't see any harm in spending time with him and getting to know him better. He surprised me the other night because I wasn't expecting him to be nearly half as great as I found him to be, so I'd kind of like to see what else is there. I don't feel I'm exploited or deceiving anyone... I've been quite upfront about my situation and what I can and cannot handle right now romantically.

ok.. as long as you were upfront about it. I wasnt trying to be nasty im just not in a good frame of mind right now and to be honest hate the world at the moment. All im saying is dont give false hope to someone who may want something more that you are unable to give them EVEN if you WANT too. Be fair to them and to yourself

[elijah121]

Haha you know what... I actually can't remember what my girl's voice sounds like either! Thats funny....

I had an interesting "revelation" today... I realized that in the event of her ever coming back in the possible future, I might actually get pissed off about it instead of overjoyed. After all the frustration she's put me through, and all I've done in the months since then and will continue to do from here, does she really deserve an immediate warm welcome from me if she decides to come waltzing back into my life whenever she pleases? No one gets that privilege after pulling a move like that.

If it ever were to happen.... oh the fun I would have giving her the friend-zone illusion....

Yea it is funny, yea i think i will get pissed off too honestly. They can't walk back in our lives whenever they want, control our hearts and minds. No we do, we took the time and hard effort to move on for something we thought was for us, but if it was that easy for them to walk away fuk em. TRUST ME if she comes back as a "friend" straight to the friend zone, but i will never call her even if she is my friend, i would leave it all to her. I realize i could live with out her and i don't need her. I was also thinking of blocking her on fb because of mutual friend posting that i randomly see like on their pages. Sucks to see her pic, it doesnt make me sad it makes me angry!! I don't want to be immature though by blocking her. I actually told her i would call her in 1 month to see whats up, lol but its past a month now and my pride is holding me back from ever calling. I really don't want to even though we ended on good terms. Forget that.