plz help

[missinglinkisp]

Man, Vash/shh is still showing you the "Get out of jail free" card...she's lit it up in bright lights and keeps slapping you in the face with it, but you brush it aside as if it's nonsense.

You're 20...so many things to do, so much to experience, there's time for kids later, although, apparently you've pretty much signed your soul over to raising children now.

I haven't bothered to dredge any up, but I *know* there're all manner of statistics that can support the claim that things don't generally turn out so well for fathers of your age. It's just reasonable to think that the odds are against your plans working out well.

it is nonsense..........im not a statistic and im not like most guys,im not a partyier and dont need to wait years to have kids,i want to now,and im ready for it.

I'm 22, my girlfriend is 26.

Neither of us want kids for maybe another decade.

There's so much traveling, so much fun to be had. Life ends with kids. At least, the carefree life, does. We can pick up from this place and move to another at our choosing. We can go off and do our own thing without worrying who will take care of the kid.

We're still young.

You sir, have 12 years to grow up starting yesterday.

i dont want to wait that long.......your as bad as me only opposite,you want to wait until your girl is 36 to have a kid......thats dangerous for one thing, youll be older then when having kids and youll be used to being alone and not having kids..........i think youll have issues.

why 12 years?

I haven't even read your post yet and I'm ready to eviscerate you.

meet me.......id love to beat the shit out of you. your the worst yet youve judged me without even reading my posts. ban me or stfu.

misombra i'd bet money that for those three kids there's at least two baby daddy's.

lmao, thats really funny. and your right there are two baby daddys,lol

[misombra]

are you ready to be the third baby daddy and boldly go where many men have been before?

(lol i got that from almost famous.)

[shh!]

haha - I liked that movie...

This woman breeds like a rabbit. That's another good reason to run away. Someone else is going to be raising your (intended) baby.

[missinglinkisp]

are you ready to be the third baby daddy and boldly go where many men have been before?

(lol i got that from almost famous.)

i like you,you make me laugh your insults are really funny,so i cant be mad,lol yeah iv already been there thanks,lol yes i am ready for that.

haha - I liked that movie...

This woman breeds like a rabbit. That's another good reason to run away. Someone else is going to be raising your (intended) baby.

i would never let that happen,im not like the others,if we did split i would sue for custody. i will not lose my child. i know you dont like my choices but you have to understand that in having the baby i am taking responsiblity for him/her..........i would never leave my child.

[Cain]

meet me.......id love to beat the shit out of you. your the worst yet youve judged me without even reading my posts. ban me or stfu.

Just so you know, Giga is a woman. So, you might want to change your stance on that.

[missinglinkisp]

Just so you know, Giga is a woman. So, you might want to change your stance on that.

ahhh crap...........im sorry, id never hit a woman. but i will say i really dont like you.....you judged me without even reading anything i said.

[Gribble]

Missinglink, you continuously claim that you are not like other guys. Yet you sound EXACTLY like a juvenile little idiot punk. To make matters worse, you whine like a little bitch whenever someone offers advice that doesn't suit you. Sorry to break this to you, but the folks here generally tell it like it is and humans, by nature, judge you by how you present yourself.

[StupidMan]

i see that this guy love the girl very much... and he is like fighting for everything he could... i think he believe he can do it.. he has the confident, but confuse...
age does really matter, but i think whats important is the "heart".

[Junket]

i dont want to wait that long.......your as bad as me only opposite,you want to wait until your girl is 36 to have a kid......thats dangerous for one thing, youll be older then when having kids and youll be used to being alone and not having kids..........i think youll have issues.

It's called adoption.

I thought you'd be familiar with that considering you're about to adopt 3.

[Mish]

My boyfriend has stated to me on several occasions that ...i payed him attention...and that is why he likes me so much!We were friends for a long time before we started our relationship..He is younger than me and i have 3 children that he is very much trying to get to know,i guess my worries are that he really only wants to be with me and loves me because i payed him attention and cared His family life at home is horrible and i feel he is using me as an escape to a better life.We live
apart, but he is planning on coming to me and never returning to his *family*He is very sensative and gets depressed very easily so i am trying to tread carefully!.....thank's in advance.

i spent 7 hours explaining why those things arnt true........and what the truth is. she says she understands now, but really idk if she wants me there,by that post she made idk.......she says she does want me there more than anything. but what im really worried about is the fact she doesnt know why i love her.

I only read a couple of first posts and I've noticed that you wanted an unbiased opinion so I will give you one. Everything else discussed on this thread aside. Let's step inside this woman's mind and look at her concerns. There are certain truths inside of her post, some are open to interprettation.

1. He is younger than me and i have 3 children

This is a truth (you verified it). Your age seems to worry her. I don't know exactly why, but I can make some assumptions. She may be concerned that you have not yet reached the level of responsibility needed in order to look after 3 children + financially you may not be in a position to provide.

2. He is very sensative and gets depressed very easily

From my point of view this is a truth. I make this assumption on observation, looking at your posts and how you respond to people. I'm picking up a lot of sensitivity. A lot of sensitivity can lead to a number of things (not always, but there is a high potential). One of these things is depression or at least getting depressed more easily. Another one (not necessarily, but can be interpretted as such) is looking for people who provide attention and can provide a better life. Which brings us to:

3. My worries are that he really only wants to be with me and loves me because i payed him attention / I feel he is using me as an escape to a better life

It's absolutely posible that she may have misinterpretted that (it's posible that she didn't as well). Though, if she did misinterprett, personally and given your sensitivity I think it's a very easy misinterprettation to make.

However, what's interesting to note is that what really bothers you is that she said it, that she said something related to you , that she acknowledge flaws in you but not the reasons as to WHY this bothers her. Do you know WHY this bothers her?

Here are a couple of assumptions:

1. She has 3 kids that she is responsible for. You are a younger potential partner with most likely not enough experience to be responsible for kids and most likely not enough income to support them.

2. You are very sensitive and get offended quite easily (as evidenced at least in this thread). If you are this sensitive, what kind of a stepfather will you make? How will you be able to tolerate the kids and show maturity and patience as is often required around children?

3. What happens if even some of the reasons why you love her is because she gives you attention and provides a better life for you? What happens when your life gets better, will you then love her less?

It puzzles me that you didn't seem to look at this situation this way. But do you understand why she might be worried and concerned? Apart from denying what she says, have you actually taken steps to acknowledge her worries and your personal flaws and suggest ways to her how you will work to eliminate them?

[missinglinkisp]

i see that this guy love the girl very much... and he is like fighting for everything he could... i think he believe he can do it.. he has the confident, but confuse...
age does really matter, but i think whats important is the "heart".

thank you for understanding.

I've noticed that you wanted an unbiased opinion so I will give you one.

thank god...........thank you sooooo much for your post its very helpful.

1. He is younger than me and i have 3 children

This is a truth (you verified it). Your age seems to worry her. I don't know exactly why, but I can make some assumptions. She may be concerned that you have not yet reached the level of responsibility needed in order to look after 3 children + financially you may not be in a position to provide.

i asked her about that,and i asked her if she was bothered by my age........she got cranky and said no and i should know that.
as for the money i make 5k a month.......she makes 4k.she takes care of them on her own right now. once i move in i will be paying as much as i can. i have tryd to pay before but she doesnt really let me pay for much(kid wise i mean). i even gave her cards to my accounts,she hasnt used them tho.

2. He is very sensative and gets depressed very easily

From my point of view this is a truth. I make this assumption on observation, looking at your posts and how you respond to people. I'm picking up a lot of sensitivity. A lot of sensitivity can lead to a number of things (not always, but there is a high potential). One of these things is depression or at least getting depressed more easily. Another one (not necessarily, but can be interpretted as such) is looking for people who provide attention and can provide a better life. Which brings us to:

that is a truth,i do become depressed rather easy and am very sensitive.

3. My worries are that he really only wants to be with me and loves me because i payed him attention / I feel he is using me as an escape to a better life

It's absolutely posible that she may have misinterpretted that (it's posible that she didn't as well). Though, if she did misinterprett, personally and given your sensitivity I think it's a very easy misinterprettation to make.

However, what's interesting to note is that what really bothers you is that she said it, that she said something related to you , that she acknowledge flaws in you but not the reasons as to WHY this bothers her. Do you know WHY this bothers her?

im hurt that she doesnt know better......as much as i try,and i thought sh knew,but now idk,although shes said she does know better im not sure.just because i dont get along ith my fam doesnt mean im using her...i tryd to explain it to her and i pray she knows better.i think by telling her about my fam issues shes taken the wrong idea.........i have since stopped talking about it with her.

1. She has 3 kids that she is responsible for. You are a younger potential partner with most likely not enough experience to be responsible for kids and most likely not enough income to support them.

she supports them now,so money i give her and that we share is more than what she would have without me. i make 5k per month she makes like 4k,so money isnt an issue. as for caring for them,i do as best i can,and i do pretty good i think, for having no experiance. dont forget shes been a mother for 7 years,and shes been teaching me how to care for them.

2. You are very sensitive and get offended quite easily (as evidenced at least in this thread). If you are this sensitive, what kind of a stepfather will you make? How will you be able to tolerate the kids and show maturity and patience as is often required around children?

thats diff really..... i get dont get that way with them. i never ever yell or hit them.....never have never will. timeouts and taking things away for a while seems to be doing fine. i dont have issues with them.

Apart from denying what she says, have you actually taken steps to acknowledge her worries and your personal flaws and suggest ways to her how you will work to eliminate them?

yes i did,i asked her to explain why she had them.....she said it was all basicly because i kept saying how much i hate my fam.and tellig her their issues.......she said to her it looked as tho i was trying to escape them.......i did my best to explain it,and tell her how i really feel........i think it really helped.

small update.......we are very happy today no problems, she said to me that she loves how i control her and that i proved something to her.......i was like huh what did i do that was controling.......she repeated things i said to her and yeah i guess i was......for example she tryd to give me excuses when i found the facebook thing and i told her quote "dont even try it". she said she was impressed by that and that im the only guy shes ever met that stood up to her and took control.......i didnt know i was,but apperantly i have been.she said when i did that i proved that i wasnt just trying to be with her for the wrong reasons.........idk if its good or not...........she loves it,lol

[Junket]

thats diff really..... i get dont get that way with them. i never ever yell or hit them.....never have never will. timeouts and taking things away for a while seems to be doing fine. i dont have issues with them.

That's because they're not comfortable with you yet.

You haven't even reached the part where you have to prove you're a good parent.

[missinglinkisp]

That's because they're not comfortable with you yet.

You haven't even reached the part where you have to prove you're a good parent.

that doesnt really change what i said tho. i think they are comfortable with me.......they have known me 7 months,to a kid thats a long time. they are really well behaved anyway. i figure there will be harder times,im ready for that.

[misombra]

you do not make 5k a month.

[missinglinkisp]

you do not make 5k a month.

excuse me.........uh yeah i do....[url]www.missinglinkisp.com[/url]my company. i make more than that,but take home only around 5k per month after my bills,cars etc