Hi.

[Cain]

this is just one of those things you're gonna have to learn for yourself.

I really hate those comments. Yes, I'll have to learn it for myself. But you can still tell me what you mean by the danger zone. As far as I know, she doesn't want a boyfriend right now either... that's what she has told me. If she ends up changing her mind then she and I won't be doing anything anymore.

[Cain]

In answer to you in the other thread, Vash:

No, I'm not still angry. I'm disappointed in her, but not angry.

And for those of you that thought I'd take her back, don't worry about it. I know my worth.

She claims to miss me and miss us and regrets how things turned out. She also knows that if there was any chance of us ever getting back together we'd need to have a major talk. She called me to have that talk once... at 4:30 am after she got back from the bar with her roommate. And now she's out of town for the weekend. I don't expect her to put her life on hold and not hang out with friends to have this talk, but I know that if I truly missed a relationship and had a chance... even small... of fixing what I'd done, I'd be eager to talk and see if it can be worked out.

In my opinion, everything else is more important to her. She wants to have this talk when it's convenient for her and that's not going to fly with me. I'll live without her.

[Cain]

I'm sure that most of you are probably tired of hearing about all of this, but I feel better when I vent.

Anyways, I think she's still playing a game with me. It's gone from "I miss us and wish things had turned out different" to "I am happier now than I was when I was with you."

Basically, I'm at the point now to where I'm just going to ignore her. I've been doing it since she said that. She sent me a text saying happy Thanksgiving, but I'm not responding. I don't know if it was for me or if it was one of those mass texts, but I don't want to respond either way.

It's really irritating. Now that she's not showing interest, I want her. When she was showing interest, I didn't. Anyways... we're back on no contact, though this one was initiated by me.

[1averagejoe]

Hate to say it...but you're not over her man.

It's good you're doing the no contact for some time. You care too much about what she does or how she feels. People want the things they know they can't have. When you get to the point where you can talk to her or hear about her being happy and it doesn't phase you...you are truly over her.

As for screwing other girls without wanting a relationship. Don't be a douchebag to them. Unless you're telling them your intentions, that you don't want a relationship with them. But don't lead them on.

[Cain]

Hate to say it...but you're not over her man.

It's good you're doing the no contact for some time. You care too much about what she does or how she feels. People want the things they know they can't have. When you get to the point where you can talk to her or hear about her being happy and it doesn't phase you...you are truly over her.

As for screwing other girls without wanting a relationship. Don't be a douchebag to them. Unless you're telling them your intentions, that you don't want a relationship with them. But don't lead them on.

I don't want her to be happy. Whether it's now or 20 years from now.

And for the record, I've never said that I'd mislead anyone. I've always said that the girl will know from the start that I don't want a relationship with them.

[1averagejoe]

I don't want her to be happy. Whether it's now or 20 years from now.

You're still hurt...you need time. I was cheated on and lied to countless times about so much from my ex. I hated the things she did, I was so angry I wanted nothing but to know she was miserable and not happy. But with time I moved on and accepted what was done, forgave her, even though I never told her, and no longer hold a grudge.

You just need time to recover, you're not over her.

And for the record, I've never said that I'd mislead anyone. I've always said that the girl will know from the start that I don't want a relationship with them.

In which case...that's ok.

[Cain]

So, you're saying that if I don't want her to be happy then I'm not over her?

I can assure you that even 20 years from now, I'll find joy in her misery.

It doesn't so much get to me that she doesn't want to get back together. That's fine. What gets me is that she says she's happier now than she was when we were together. I think this goes beyond her. I think that this bothers me not because she said it, but because it's kind of like an ego killer.

[vashti]

Just stay away from this girl. She is noothing but trouble for you.

[1averagejoe]

So, you're saying that if I don't want her to be happy then I'm not over her?

I can assure you that even 20 years from now, I'll find joy in her misery.

It doesn't so much get to me that she doesn't want to get back together. That's fine. What gets me is that she says she's happier now than she was when we were together. I think this goes beyond her. I think that this bothers me not because she said it, but because it's kind of like an ego killer.

Trust me...you need time, you're hate towards her will change. Just because you don't want her back doesn't mean you're over her. My ex cheated on me, there was no way in hell I wanted her back over that. Was I over her right after I found out? No...I was ****ing pissed, sad, disappointed, and hurt.

When you're over her completely, you'll care less if she's happy or sad. I know what you're going through, I had the exact same feelings as you about my ex. Wanting to know she was miserable for what she did. But, you just need time, it's hard and only time can get you through it.

And stop contacting her...plan to not call her for a year, by then you won't even want to talk to her. All you're doing when you talk to her is setting yourself up to have your emotions mixed up, which puts you back to ground zero.

[Cain]

I've already started ignoring her. I haven't spoken to her since she said what she said to me. She's texted and called since and I haven't responded.

I can't say for sure whether I will ever want her to be happy. I've never been in a relationship where I've let a girl get to me this much. Looking forward, I can't imagine hoping that she has a happy life.

But, yes, I know she's trouble. Trouble for my mind.