Infidelity of a parent

[Sonrisa]

Mi sombra?!? you're an admin!?!

[misombra]

i'm a super moderator. i have super powers.

[Sonrisa]

i'm a super moderator. i have super powers.

tú eres mi mujer super

[Rollerderby]

I think I'd rather live in lollipop land than get married and discover that the love of my life would prefer to diddle around on me. I can't imagine the pain of that. My parents stuck together, and were faithful to each other. The pain of cheating rips family's apart. In some ways, having some sort of polygamous marriage is better than cheating. Not that I'm advocating that, but why even bother if you can't keep your shit in your pants? Also, not everyone cheats. The way this thread is going almost makes it sound like it's an inevitability. I'd say, choose your partners better. You have to keep working on a relationship in order to make it work. Just because that honeymoon stage is over, is no reason to find a cully on the side.

[lovemuffin]

Originally Posted by lovemuffin
I would really appreciate if a friend told me my guy was making moves on her... regardless of the fallout. I take it they are not together anymore?

misombra:
yeah. the girl thanked me at first. it wasn't just lose her as a friend, other people were involved, others were hurt, we were in a dance troupe that disbanded after all this happened. it was incredibly selfish of me to do what i did.

Posted by lovemuffin
Well maybe people shoudln't get married anymore period then. Maybe they should be TRULY ADULT and agree to be in non-monogamous realtionships instead of sneeking around and lying like children.

misombra:
you're living in lollipop land.
Posted by lovemuffin
Well.. that's what this kind of shit can lead to apparently -- children getting hurt and finding out first -- yet another reason to avoid infidelity.

misombra:
lollipop land.

Originally Posted by lovemuffin
I can understand being afraid of reporting it.... but there are also anonymous ways to do it..............

misombra:
you would anonymously be tearing up peoples lives.
__________________________________________________ ____

Wow... I don't know. I think of lollipop land as a place where "nothing is real" to quip a Beatles song. I also think of it as a place where people aren't being honest and maybe also walking on eggshells... but if you would prefer to live there, that's your perogative. I for one wouldn't want to have a husband/mate that was screwing around on me... unless I was maybe screwing around on him... and maybe that's how a lot of married people rationalize staying in their dead marriages.

As far as tearing up people;s lives... a lot of people spend many years living with the unconscious or subconcious knowedlge taht their partner is cheating and it has horrible ramifications. Having experienced both and the damage it did to me subconciously and that I am still struggling with (as of until recently getting neurofeedback)... as the saying goes: ""if it smells like shit, it's probably shit"... and shit ain't good eatins.

[lovemuffin]

I think I'd rather live in lollipop land than get married and discover that the love of my life would prefer to diddle around on me. I can't imagine the pain of that. My parents stuck together, and were faithful to each other. The pain of cheating rips family's apart. In some ways, having some sort of polygamous marriage is better than cheating. Not that I'm advocating that, but why even bother if you can't keep your shit in your pants? Also, not everyone cheats. The way this thread is going almost makes it sound like it's an inevitability. I'd say, choose your partners better. You have to keep working on a relationship in order to make it work. Just because that honeymoon stage is over, is no reason to find a cully on the side.

Actaully, I watched a program recently that can determine if a couple is really in love or just lust based on CAT or EEG scans (can't remember which). They were also able to determine which partners were still in love 10 years + later.

[vashti]

Well maybe people shoudln't get married anymore period then. Maybe they should be TRULY ADULT and agree to be in non-monogamous realtionships instead of sneeking around and lying like children.
.

As I implied before, what makes you think the spouse doesn't know? Just because YOU would react one way doesn't mean EVERYONE would,a nd quite honestly, if you haven't been married for a long time, you have NO IDEA what you would do if you were in these people's place.

[lovemuffin]

As I implied before, what makes you think the spouse doesn't know? Just because YOU would react one way doesn't mean EVERYONE would,a nd quite honestly, if you haven't been married for a long time, you have NO IDEA what you would do if you were in these people's place.

True.. the spouse may know or at least have an inkling... but typically people who married and not separated I would guess more often than not don't really know.

As I mentioned before, I wouldn't and in the past haven't tolerated it.. and hope I wouldn't in a marriage. I would assume get divorced than continue to live that way... unless an agreement was made for both of us to date (and stay toegther for the kids or whatever - which I'm also not really in favor for seeing as it typically confuses the shit out of kids).

And why and who the hell are these people who would want to stay in a dead marriage and devalue themselves so much??? Life's too short!

[vashti]

And why and who the hell are these people who would want to stay in a dead marriage and devalue themselves so much??? Life's too short!

Maybe people who still love their spouse? Or maybe those who place the needs of their children (financial/emotional needs) above their own? Or people who rely upon their spouse for medical coverage? Or people who can't afford to divorce? Or people who don't believe in divorce? Or people who believe their spouse will get it out of their system, and then come back? Or maybe he is impotent?

Kids are only confused when their parents tell them what's going on.

And I disagree that people usually don't know what's going on. I think it is more accurate to say that people tend to choose to overlook the obvious so they don't have to take action.

[misombra]

Originally Posted by lovemuffin
I would really appreciate if a friend told me my guy was making moves on her... regardless of the fallout. I take it they are not together anymore?

misombra:
yeah. the girl thanked me at first. it wasn't just lose her as a friend, other people were involved, others were hurt, we were in a dance troupe that disbanded after all this happened. it was incredibly selfish of me to do what i did.

Posted by lovemuffin
Well maybe people shoudln't get married anymore period then. Maybe they should be TRULY ADULT and agree to be in non-monogamous realtionships instead of sneeking around and lying like children.

misombra:
you're living in lollipop land.
Posted by lovemuffin
Well.. that's what this kind of shit can lead to apparently -- children getting hurt and finding out first -- yet another reason to avoid infidelity.

misombra:
lollipop land.

Originally Posted by lovemuffin
I can understand being afraid of reporting it.... but there are also anonymous ways to do it..............

misombra:
you would anonymously be tearing up peoples lives.
__________________________________________________ ____

Wow... I don't know. I think of lollipop land as a place where "nothing is real" to quip a Beatles song. I also think of it as a place where people aren't being honest and maybe also walking on eggshells... but if you would prefer to live there, that's your perogative. I for one wouldn't want to have a husband/mate that was screwing around on me... unless I was maybe screwing around on him... and maybe that's how a lot of married people rationalize staying in their dead marriages.

As far as tearing up people;s lives... a lot of people spend many years living with the unconscious or subconcious knowedlge taht their partner is cheating and it has horrible ramifications. Having experienced both and the damage it did to me subconciously and that I am still struggling with (as of until recently getting neurofeedback)... as the saying goes: ""if it smells like shit, it's probably shit"... and shit ain't good eatins.

i don't walk on eggshells. lollipop land is a place where everybody is honest and everybody appreciates honesty and people don't cheat or lie.

[lovemuffin]

lollipop land is a place where everybody is honest and everybody appreciates honesty and people don't cheat or lie.

Also known as a REAL marriage.

[Mish]

I think it is more accurate to say that people tend to choose to overlook the obvious so they don't have to take action.

I think this is the main problem, that people choose to overlook and let the problem get worse instead of finding a way to resolve it. Leaving somebody to cheat without saying anything will just mean they will continue doing it and create more and more problems which will affect everybody in the family. At some point there has to be someone who says yes there is a problem, let's understand why it is there and find a solution. It doesn't have to lead to a divorce, but definitely acknowledged and dealt with.

Just like with all other problems. If you see something is wrong, you take steps to fix it instead of ignoring it hoping the problem will go away.

[nick123456789]

wow that should never happen to anyone omg thats messed up.

tell your dad or hell hate u and atleast you know your dads honest

[vashti]

I think this is the main problem, that people choose to overlook and let the problem get worse instead of finding a way to resolve it. Leaving somebody to cheat without saying anything will just mean they will continue doing it and create more and more problems which will affect everybody in the family. At some point there has to be someone who says yes there is a problem, let's understand why it is there and find a solution. It doesn't have to lead to a divorce, but definitely acknowledged and dealt with.

Just like with all other problems. If you see something is wrong, you take steps to fix it instead of ignoring it hoping the problem will go away.

Meh, talk to me when you have a long-term marriage under your belt.

[misombra]

Also known as a REAL marriage.

how long have you been married?