She cheated and said she didnt love me. I want her back!

[battlingpig]

Hey! i dont really agree with all your points, touchsoft. I do have anxiety issues, but im not a mental wreck, trust me on that one.

Anyway, over christmas we started texting again, and eventually, she said she misses me, and asked if i would consider giving it another go. Ive been 95% over her for the last few months and then she says this! We spoke, and it turns out she thinks she made the biggest mistake in her life, and that she can only ever imagine being with me. I thought about it all long and hard, i didnt want to make a mistake in what i was doing. Gained advice from my friends, and went into the situation with a clear head. We agreed to meet to talk last wednesday.

We went for a meal, had a few glasses of wine, and just got on like a house on fire. It felt as though we had never broken up. After the meal, we spoke and got down to all the important stuff. She told me everything, that she had missed me so much to the point where she cried herself to sleep most nights. Everything she said came from the heart, i could see it in her eyes. She cried, and i fell for her again. I agreed for a trial relationship, and we agreed to take it very slow. She didnt stay over.

I went to meet her on friday at her uni house. Everything was perfect, we spoke over everything again, and she couldnt hold back the tears. We kissed, she cried. I always thought she was as emotional as a brick. I have never seen her so emotional, but this just confirms to me that she means business and wants us to be together.

I stayed over for two nights, everything was great, even though we said we should take it slow, we had sex. I dont know if this was a good decision. But everything felt right, you shouldnt have to hold back your true feelings if you both feel them.

We want this more than anything, please give me you're opinions and thoughts of how i should handle the relationship from now on. I cant say i love her just yet, but hopefully that time will come, i will wait untill she says it first.

Shocking that this thread has more than 2000 views! I doubt she would like it if i told her about this thread haha

[Perryville]

Pard, you are setting yourself up for another fall. She has had problems with the other guy, that's why she came back to you, and now she knows that you will always be there as her "back-up", BF. She will either go back to the other guy, when they make it up, or find another new guy, and she will keep you on the hook, as long as you let her. She didn't love you or respect you before, then you showed her that she has power over you, so now she knows that you are her doormat.

[battlingpig]

she was never with this other guy. i know i have made the right choice. people can become stronger than ever if they realise just what they have. i think she has realised, and so have i

[lhn]

I got to admit, I would give this another chance. If you feel its geniune, which you have already said, then go for it. Be careful though.

Oh, and btw, "taking it slowly" and then sleeping with each other immediately kinda means the opposite. Just saying....

[battlingpig]

i know, but it just felt so right at the time. how can you force yourself to take things slowly? maybe it needed a kick start like that?

[Chazza2k]

Hey BP,

Its a very interesting development, christmas brings back so many emotions and I think makes things that much more intense. Its supposed to be the season everyone is soo happy... I hope she is genuine and not just telling you what you want to hear but I'l accept sometimes people learn how important and special things are only when they have lost it. Perhaps thats how this has played out for her in this situation.

Its good to see relationships back on track, but I do wonder whats changed in this? Has she got this need for another relationship, fling or affair out of her system? or is she just lonely. I think you were always clear on how much you loved and wanted to be with her and I'm sure she knows that.

I think you should take it very slow, and very carefully, you will have to rebuild your trust in her and I hope you can do that, she has the advantage in this that she dumped you treated you so bad and you have forgiven her. I hope she respects you this time around but most of all I hope shes sincere.

Besh wishes BP that this works out for you both.

[Perryville]

BP, you're deluding yourself if you think that this is going to work, the second time around. Look back over ALL of your posts, and you may see things a little more clearly. She is going to dump you, the next guy she falls for. You can be certain of that. You both are way too immature and haven't ever come to grips with your own feelings, let alone, the other person's. Most of the other posters have been in your shoes, themselves, and are trying to give you good advice, but you are ignoring anything that isn't what you need to hear. You want to get back with her so badily, that you are willing to be a "patsy", for her, and you can bet that she knows it. All of your begging (4 page letter) has taught her that you will come running, whenever she wants. You need to man-up and tell her off.

[battlingpig]

oh trust me ive told her off. ive said if i ever get the idea shes not being true to what she has already said i will end it there and then.

i know she has been an awful person, and i must stress that i havnt forgiven her, i told her that too. She understands (thats a first from her) that it will take a long time for her to build up my trust.

We are and have always been a mature couple. She told me that she has matured a lot in the past few months and knows exactly what she wants in life, and that she has found herself. Perryville, you know nothing of me to assume i am immature and that i know nothing about feelings. I myself have matured and found myself, i know to have my own life instead of having it revolve around her. I know what im doing in this. If she didnt want it so bad why would she ask for less hours at work, and travel 100 miles when ever she wants to see me?

Thanks chazza2k, i have told her that i will have trouble trusting her again, and explained that there will probably be trust problems. If we communicate a lot, slowly i will be able to rebuild the trust. i feel as though i am pulling the strings now.

[Perryville]

Dude, you are proving my point every time you deny the truth. Do what you want, but be prepared for what is going to happen.

[whyme87]

I understand why you take her back I done it 2 times after she treated me like crap..she said all the right words and we had amazing sex and she bought me gifts and seemed very happy then the guy she always wanted became single and I got chucked away like a piece of rubbish and blocked out her life.be careful

[battlingpig]

maturity doesn't really have anything to do with this. what matters is what's in the heart. I am not denying the truth, i am disagreeing with you. I am not interested in what people have to say about my choice. I have asked for help on how i should handle the relationship from now on. Discussing how mature i am is not a relavent matter in this. I am going to do what I want, and that is to try and be happy with her. Im sure there are stories out there, where a woman has cheated on their man, they broke up, got back together and they have been better than they ever were. Too many negative people on this forum. At least wish me luck.

[cmacattack1]

If we've learned anything about what is genuine and what is not, our actions dictate how genuine it really is. She came to you crying and desparate about getting back together and how sad and miserable and lonely she is. Do you really want to base this new relationship (it better not be "getting back together" you are insane if you think that getting back together will end in you two being happily ever after) on how she wants you because she NEEDS you to get out of this pain and sadness and unhappiness. Do you really want somebody that needs somebody (don't talk yourself up here, you aren't the only "one" for her) to live her life?

I know you want to follow your heart, but you have to understand that emotions can run our decisions and without logic. Did you feel terrible and sad and pity for her as you were taking her back? You really think that when she tells you "I've changed, I'm grown up, I'm a different person" that she really has? She may think she has but how much can somebody really grow up and change when she chased another guy, it failed, and now wants you back? Where was the time and effort put in to bring about this change? I'm telling you right now, the people that have truly grown up and truly have changed, you can tell in their actions, how they speak, everything. Anybody that has to say "I'm changed" feels the need to prove something, and if you really have changed, you won't need to prove it.

I don't want to say I told you so, and I really hope it does work out for you. Now is the time to really go in depth on what went wrong and what behaviors you both have done to break it the first time. There was a break down in communication. There wasn't any honesty in your feelings. This should be discussed and brought out before you fall for her again and even when you do, you have to be on your guard and pay attention to everything she says and does. It sounds exhausting but as I've learned, relationships are consistant work.

[Perryville]

Dude, Since you will not listen, , you're on your own. If you already had made up your mind, why did you come here? Nobody is going validate something like this, because most posters are way more mature than that. Ok, you want, what you want, what you want. We get it.

[battlingpig]

perryville i think you are quite immature. i have not asked a single member of this forum in the past 4 months if i should take her back. I made my mind up myself.

cmacattack1 i am not bigging myself up because she thinks im the only one she can ever want to be with. when she was telling me all this stuff, i didnt feel sorry for her one bit, i felt happy that she was sad. she got what she deserved.

i dont need her, i want her. whether she needs me or not is up to her. she missed something amazing, and im my opinion, she wanted it back.

[Perryville]

Lying to others is a sin, lying to oneself is stupid.