All guys, please help!

[minnie_an]

Katherine, you are so great, u can give up everything 4 the one u love. I'm proud of u
Keep trying all your best for your love. Better not to ask him about the marriage at this time. I think ur bf doesnt want it because he think that after married, he can't feed you well or offer what u need. It's the answer i got it when i asked my bf about our marriage.
Because he's jobless like ur bf, he also play guitar too.

[Katherine]

Minnie, thank you for your support. I will keep trying and I have faith in us two. I'm sure he's just at the bottom of his life and the only place we are going now is up.

[IndiReloaded]

Katherine, you are so great, u can give up everything 4 the one u love. I'm proud of u

Its not something to be proud of.

Kate, George here on this site has a job. He won't commit to you either but he'd love to talk with you. Seems a step up from your current situation.

[Katherine]

Which George? How could you know he'd like to talk to me?

[IndiReloaded]

Bored George. I was being tongue-in-cheek. Still, you never know.

Kate, that mega-post of yours... you are looking for excuses. I could just as easily find a post on the internet telling you the exact opposite argument for why you shouldn't stay with him. More, probably and better argued.

Decide for yourself, for your own reasons. Don't manufacture or recycle other peoples bad reasons for tolerating things that aren't okay.

[Heratriumphant]

May I gently suggest you start researching Emotional Abuse?

(and god save me from jobless men who play guitar)

[Katherine]

you mean I am emotional abusing my bf?

[Heratriumphant]

No! I think you should considering the idea that the way he treats you may be emotionally abusive.

I also think its time you asked yourself the question: "If I could have anything in the world, but not him, what would it be?"

Have ever lived you life just for you? Not for your parents, not for this guy, for you.

[Katherine]

I c. I have to say no. before i met him, my whole life was planned by my parents. I had to learn calligraphy and painting because my parents wanted me to do so. But I appreciate they did so cos I really benefit from these two hobbies, esp. painting. I had to study hard to go to university cos that would make them proud of me. I had to study in England for two years cos they wanted me to do so... And then I met this guy. Actually I think this is the only thing that I did for myself. Love and work hard to be with the one that I want. Not someone that makes my parents happy.

[Katherine]

But it really works if you keep yourself busy. Like now, I have to go to classes on weekends, both saturday and sunday, so we can only talk on either sat morning or sun morning. I have to get up very early at 6:30 that is 4:30pm for him. We can talk for one hour, then I go to classes. But today, I got up early to call him, he was on skype but didn't answer the call. I called like 7 times in an hour, but he didnt answer it. If before, that would have made me crazy. I would've got suspicious or paranoid and unhappy the whole weekend. But now cos I have classes to worry about, I just left a message to him and had to run to class. And this whole day, I was busy with the classes and had no time to think about why he didn't answer the calls. But the bad thing is when I am writing this, I start to think about it and it starts to bother me.

[Katherine]

We had a quarrel this morning. Now I know he really doesn't have any feelings for me. I got up very early yesterday morning to call him, he was on skype but he didnt answer it. I waited for him for an hour then had to run for classes. This morning, again, I called him, at first he was not on skype. I called again 30 mins later, he was online(he always invisible). We talked about 30 minutes (one week, 30 minutes) and he just sat there, I had to think hard to find topics to talk with him. I was very upset. If he has no time or busy, shouldnt he leave me a message so that I dont have to get up that early and wait there like an idiot? I complained, he was pissed off at once. Like it was me that did something wrong. And during this 30 minutes, he didnt tell me anything sweet. Just things like: ok. what did you have this week? I don't want your work shit. You keep that for yourself. That's your own issue. I told him two American guys joked with the teacher that they speak poor Chinese because they don't have chinese gf to practice chinese. He said: I think they don't know how lucky they are.

I'm so tired of his attitude. He was not like this before. He was cold, but never acted like this. He said his parents will go back to America next week. I guess this might stress him out, but I dont want to find excuse for him anymore. No matter what, he has no right to treat me like that.

[HDM13]

Katherine I am worried that you are not in a healthy relationship.

[Katherine]

I know. Many people told me that already. I don't know how to make it healthy now. I feel very helpless. I always try to make it healthy, positive, but it's so hard if he just has that kind of attitude. Normal for me to get hurt and upset when he acted like that, right? But he doesn't think so.

[Katherine]

he always thinks if he doesnt answer my calls, I should be cool. No matter what he did, i should be cool. Maybe American girls can do that, but I really cannot.

[HDM13]

I know. Many people told me that already. I don't know how to make it healthy now. I feel very helpless. I always try to make it healthy, positive, but it's so hard if he just has that kind of attitude. Normal for me to get hurt and upset when he acted like that, right? But he doesn't think so.

I'm sorry . I think what you're experiencing isn't wrong or bad, it's very common to want to make things better. Especially when it comes to someone you care about. But I think it's important to realize that you can only do so much, and *he* has to be motivated to make a change. It's like trying to build a house, you cannot do it all on your own. If he is not willing to meet you halfway, I think it's worth the time to consider your options of what you could do and the consequences of those actions.