Fiance and His Mother

[Petit Papillon]

Well then I am lucky, my bf`s mom is Italian and we have barely problems, if we do it`s something really little and stupid Maybe because she have no problems to cook for me ,because I love food so I eat everything And besides I can cook too ,and she loves the things I do.
But I also know there are monsters in law , there wouldn`t be so many jokes about them if they were all angels
Yeah but marring him, You have to know she will be there forever. Actually it`s his blood, You`re just the beloved one. Love can end,but blood stays in them forever.
If he`s her only child I can even understand her more. I see how my bf`s mom is towards him. She would kill everybody who would harm her only one baby boy If it`s like that, you should understand it a bit. She need the perfect one for her only one, You know? And maybe she`s testing You,ad always will just to say at the end, I was wrong, You are the best for him.But You have to give her reason to say that. I`m sure she will finally see.

[Gribble]

Girlfriend and boyfriend is one thing. This guy Anako apparently intends to make Coco his wife. The bond he shares with his mother is important, but he needs to be on his wife's side on this. You can resist an overbearing mother without getting nasty and without disregarding the feelings you have for her. If the guy can't handle his own mom how is he going to handle all the challenges of married life? How's he going to keep Coco from going crazy when they're living together and momma's coming over every weekend bitchier than ever now that it's official?

[vashti]

It sounds like they BOTH need to learn how to just get along.

i guess there is something to be said about men marrying their mothers.

[starbuck]

Coco, when you get married, she will technically be a family member of yours. Would it help you for you to try and treat her as you would a family member? Rather than someone not in your emotional circle.

Just offering a possible perspective change.

[Sonrisa]

Girlfriend and boyfriend is one thing. This guy Anako apparently intends to make Coco his wife. The bond he shares with his mother is important, but he needs to be on his wife's side on this. You can resist an overbearing mother without getting nasty and without disregarding the feelings you have for her. If the guy can't handle his own mom how is he going to handle all the challenges of married life? How's he going to keep Coco from going crazy when they're living together and momma's coming over every weekend bitchier than ever now that it's official?

hmmmm. i really don't see them marrying anytime soon. her mom won't let her join the family for the holidays, do you really think she'd make her part of the family?

[CocoChanel]

@Lipp... She has control over one thing and that's a account his Father didn't want him to have access to until he is 30. He already has access to the other accounts his Father had but this one in particular... he can't touch. When he is thirty... it becomes his. Until then his mother has control over it. Other than that... he doesn't depend on her for anything. He makes his own fortune.

@starbuck... I have never mistreated her trust me. Most of the time I am mute around her. I can treat her like a family member... I just get tired of being treated like shit by her. Her little Indian jokes and Habibi this Habibi that. It's just not funny. I'm sick of it but I plan on treating her really nice and ignoring everything she says. Usually it shows on my face that she has said something to anger me or make me sad and that fuels her more.

I have had conversations with her without Anako around. She will invite me to lunch or when she comes and picks up my goddaughter for the weekend. When she invites me to lunch... I don't say too much and when I do... she says something to make fun of my accent. The only time she was ever really nice to me was when her husband died. She held my hand and let me hug her and take care of her. But once she got better... she just got meaner. LOL!

[CocoChanel]

hmmmm. i really don't see them marrying anytime soon. her mom won't let her join the family for the holidays, do you really think she'd make her part of the family?

This is what I am worried about too Sonrisa. Even though when things were going strong with us and we started planning our wedding... he never mentioned anything then. But now that we are back together and on a different level... I often wonder what he is thinking. I mean helloooo his Mom has to be there right?!

[Indignant]

personally, i honestly think that you need to have a serious talk with him. there's a huge chance that you are wasting your youth on him, and he just might end up with someone whom his mom approves off. but by then you'll be much older and it will be a lot harder to find a good guy.

sit him down and tell him that you really want to try and change in order to satisfy his mom (if that is even possible) once again show her that you can be a classy LADY and not tramp with an attitude (how she sees you now)

and most importantly. think about yourself. time really flies. if he does not seriously address this issue between you and his mom, then he most likely doesn't care. he may love you and care about you now, but once he starts thinking about starting a family you'll be kicked to the side.

[CocoChanel]

Im going to talk to him tonight. When he comes home. :/ Wish me luck. LOL

[Indignant]

good luck! do not lose control of the conversation and try to be as calm as possible!

[vashti]

Personally, I would wait until the holiday is over to start the complaining. Why start off what is supposed to be a happy day with an argument?

[CocoChanel]

Personally, I would wait until the holiday is over to start the complaining. Why start off what is supposed to be a happy day with an argument?

Because it was never an argument to begin with. We can talk about something without arguing and it's more than a complaint to me and to him.

[CocoChanel]

I talked to him last night when he came from work. I started off by asking had I been invited to Thanksgiving Dinner with his family. He didn't want to tell me... and just sort of stared at me. I assumed then that I wasn't invited. He finally said if you don't want me to go I won't. I explained to him that I want him to be with his family but as his future wife... I want to be with them too. He said that he didn't want me to have to go through all of that with his Mother and didn't want me to be uncomfortable and embarrassed. I asked him how does he expect us to start a family and be married without his Mother? How does he expect us to have a wedding without his Mother? He said that he wants to marry me regardless of what his mother thinks. He says they are two completely different people and always have been.

So I went on to explain how I feel that he should stand up for me as his future wife. I don't expect him to disrespect his mother in anyway. So he said, "Sort of like how my father did, eh?" I said yes. He stood up for me without disrespecting his wife and everytime he did it... she would stop! She needs to hear it from you that I AM the one regardless of what she thinks. He then said you're right and I'm sorry I haven't done anything sooner, he just didn't know what to do or what to say. So he ended it by saying... "I don't want the same things that my mother wants for me. She'll just have to accept that you are the woman I want and that I need. We'll show her that by going to Thanksgiving Dinner together. If she doesn't want you there, she doesn't want me there."

Okay so that went well. We didn't get angry with each not one time. Just hugged and talked it out like we used to do before things got sour with us. LOL! Now I am just nervous about showing up to Thanksgiving Dinner. I gotta make sure I remember what Blue advised me about sucking it up and kill her with kindness and what everyone advised me... by showing her that I am the right one for her son.

[girl68]

Kill her with kindness... You did well, seems like a nice guy. Have a glass or 3 of wine when you get there.

[vashti]

You are really going to show up to a dinner that you weren't invited to?

I wouldn't. Your boyfriend should tell them before you go.