Sick of it!!

[lahnnabell]

She probably really has no idea what she looks like. I'm surprised no one has taken to pointing it out to her really. If I saw a girl attaching herself to one of my friend's boyfriends, I'd have said something forever ago.

She's hanging onto every bit of attention your boyfriend gives her because he's probably the only guy that has put up with her behavior for this long. She must be seeing that as some sort of chemistry when it's really just his nature to be a nice guy.

[Kayla]

She probably really has no idea what she looks like. I'm surprised no one has taken to pointing it out to her really. If I saw a girl attaching herself to one of my friend's boyfriends, I'd have said something forever ago.

She's hanging onto every bit of attention your boyfriend gives her because he's probably the only guy that has put up with her behavior for this long. She must be seeing that as some sort of chemistry when it's really just his nature to be a nice guy.

Yeah- you got this one exactly right too! I think she does interpret his niceness as "chemistry"..

Another thing about this girl is that she melts down and cries when her "feelings" get hurt. Ive seen it happen. She did this one time because I didnt say "good bye" to her when I left a dinner party we were all at. There were tons of people at the party and she was in the restroom when I decided to leave and just didnt think about it. (this was a about a year ago before me and my bf were even dating) anyway- she literally cried about that. Real tears and all.. So as far as calling her out on her behavior, and telling her how stupid she looks- it may be pointless and end in nothing but tears (lame I know). The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that the only way this is gonna end is he is gonna have to hurt her feelings. I guess this has been his point all along- not wanting to have to do that..

[lahnnabell]

Well, if she is so sensitive as to cry over having been unintentionally overlooked by you, then she seems like she needs some tough love. This girl is way too sensitive and I'm surprised she's got enough strength to stand on her own two legs.

[ecojeanne]

omg a crier....that sucks. i can't handle people that cry. i still feel sorry for her tho, she has obviously no idea about social skills and people and how she continues to fck up...coz by the sounds of it i'm sure she is so sensitive because she has experience fcking things up socially. she's in her own world. yikes.

[Kayla]

Well, if she is so sensitive as to cry over having been unintentionally overlooked by you, then she seems like she needs some tough love. This girl is way too sensitive and I'm surprised she's got enough strength to stand on her own two legs.

You know.. this is a very good point that I hadn't thought of.. this statement brought to my mind that neither one of us should have to be responsible for her emotional health- people do kind of walk on tip toes around her and maybe it is time for that to stop..

[Gigabitch]

You know.. this is a very good point that I hadn't thought of.. this statement brought to my mind that neither one of us should have to be responsible for her emotional health- people do kind of walk on tip toes around her and maybe it is time for that to stop..

Exactly! She can't run around doing this emotional blackmail thing to everyone and continue to manipulate her environment like this. It has to stop.

[Kayla]

I have never thought about it that way before.. I have been so worried about hurting someone else's feelings that I hadnt even thought about it as "emotional blackmail". Very interesting and thank you for those posts!!

[IndiReloaded]

Well, the good thing about your BF is that if he has this amount of patience with her behaviour, just think how he will be with you who he cares about when you have issues. There's a bright side to his attitude, is what I am saying.

As for the party, don't forget my original advice. Those in-her-face PDAs will really help if you can pull it off w/o looking insecure.

[nerdy_guy]

She is a graphic designer. My bf is a computer programmer so she thinks "computers" is another thing they have in common and she drones on and on about that with him, too. I dont know or ever care that much about computers so she thinks that gives her some sort of advantage over me. (she has attempted 'rub this in my face' although it doesn't work bc its stupid) Anyway, him and I talked about this last night, calmly and rationally. We both decided we really dont "get" her and her behavior- other than to say she is very immature. Because, Indi, you are right.. by all other measures (job, ect) she appears to be pretty normal.I may get angry/annoyed but I dont want to hurt her feelings and neither does he.... he told me he wants to handle it but still be nice to her. She is part of our social group (s) and cutting her off completely from everything would just be mean. She did text him last night asking him what he was doing this weekend- he said he had plans (which he does, with me).. then she started in with well "lets go to a movie" and started naming off days she was available to go. He shot down every one of her available days and she kept going!! saying "well how about tuesday? okay how about wedn? " etc.. etc.. until she covered an entire week!! .. anyway- you get the point...

This cant last forever so I guess I continue to let it go and let him handle it while I vent in this forum until it finally ends.... oh yeah- HE brought up the topic to me last night when we talked, so that is good.

If your boyfriend is a nerd. You'll be fine. He's quite happy to have a girlfriend and would want anything bad to happen to what he has now. I think he's had a hard time looking for a girl then you came along. He's grateful and he'll be forever grateful.

[Kayla]

Yes, he is very patient.. and you are right, that is a positive..

hmm- never thought of him as a "nerd" but maybe so. To me is he really smart and cute.. I dont know about him having a hard time finding a girl, because everyone says how cute he is. Maybe he is one of those guys thats attractive and doesnt know it? besides, look at how that psycho is after him- I dont think he would have any issue finding a gf if he went out "looking"

So we all got together last night and she actually acted decent.. he told me that he was going to "take care of it" (previous to the party, I made a comment to him about her ruining it and he said that would not happen) I am wondering if he talked to her or something- she didn't follow him around like she normally does. Anyway, I am not going to say anything about it, just let it go.. I really hope this is ending!

Thanks for all the posts and advice-

Kayla

[lahnnabell]

That is wonderful that he took the time to make you no. 1 priority. It would have been such a buzzkill to watch your man get chased by Little Miss Tuffet all night at YOUR party. I'm curious as to how he handled it though, and to see if her behavior returns. He shouldn't just be asking her because it was your special night. He should be asking because YOU are special to him and he doesn't want to ruin that.

I remember my boyfriend's ex called him for weeks after they broke it off. He and I had begun dating casually and it seemed like he had a new text or voicemail every minute. I was content to let it be as she was emotionally unstable and it was a comfort to him to have me by his side, but her persistence did get annoying. He and I met on a public network (the same one he met his ex on), and I went on it one day and saw that she'd been publicly posting snide remarks about him and my relationship with him. That was it for me. I called him and told him that she had crossed the line in my book. He understood and called her immediately to tell her to cut it out and to quit contacting him. While it wasn't detrimental to our actual relationship, I'd finally reached a breaking point, and out of respect for me and what we had, he told her to piss off.

[Kayla]

That is wonderful that he took the time to make you no. 1 priority. It would have been such a buzzkill to watch your man get chased by Little Miss Tuffet all night at YOUR party. I'm curious as to how he handled it though, and to see if her behavior returns. He shouldn't just be asking her because it was your special night. He should be asking because YOU are special to him and he doesn't want to ruin that.

I remember my boyfriend's ex called him for weeks after they broke it off. He and I had begun dating casually and it seemed like he had a new text or voicemail every minute. I was content to let it be as she was emotionally unstable and it was a comfort to him to have me by his side, but her persistence did get annoying. He and I met on a public network (the same one he met his ex on), and I went on it one day and saw that she'd been publicly posting snide remarks about him and my relationship with him. That was it for me. I called him and told him that she had crossed the line in my book. He understood and called her immediately to tell her to cut it out and to quit contacting him. While it wasn't detrimental to our actual relationship, I'd finally reached a breaking point, and out of respect for me and what we had, he told her to piss off.

yeah- I agree. I am going to quietly watch and wait... and see what happens from here.

[Kayla]

Guess what? One entire weekend and not ONE WORD from the psycho!! His phone went off at 11:00 last night and I thought "oh no..." but he showed it to me and it was his sister. I think the issue is GONE.. (well.. so far anyway). In fact, she has been sort of snotty to him the few times we have seen her since my party last Thursday. She was short and even sort of sarcastic. He just bought a house and when he told everyone that he closed and it was officially his, her smart ass remark was "well isnt that good for you, then?"

I think he said something and now she is pissed.. just a guess because I am not going to ask him. Just gonna let it go.. although it is so hard not to ask because I am just simply curious about what he did/said to her. lol- maybe after some time has gone by I can ask him..

But in the meantime, I am happy and thanks for all the posts and advice given here.

[phys251]

If this^ is how your BF is handling her, then I agree with Lahnna. There is something very weird about this. By now, I would have expected him to have told her to knock it off already. Computer scientists are only next to math and physics guys for social retardness, mind.

Whoa, what the hell is up with that insult?

This^. He doesn't need to be rude, but he does need to step up his assertiveness in letting her know 'ain't gonna happen'.

Sounds like he finally may have. We'll see how this all plays out.

[Kayla]

Whoa, what the hell is up with that insult?

.

I don't think this is an insult. Some people are just not good in social situations or are not good at reading and interpreting social cues and behavior. Its not a bad thing or an insult, it just is. Not everyone can be social.... to be honest, I like introverted people. They are usually really good one on one and can be very interesting- they just dont like crowds. I used to work in the science field (now I teach science) and, yes, it is generally true that math/science/computer people are non-social. They have to be because their jobs require large amounts of time working alone. (which is why I didnt quite make it and switched to teaching- lol). I dont think thats insulting.. it just IS. we are all different and some people dont like social situations.. so what?