cheated on my boyfriend

[Love'sReject]

Subterfuge. Subterfuge. In a word: subterfuge. Aren't you both women? Oughtn't you both be more sensitive? I guess subterfuge prevails.

If someone gave someone else an STD: "Hey honey, ya you deserved it. And actually, no, all those guys that I totally did not sleep with...nah, I didn't get it from them." Subterfuge.

[Wakeup]

This is exactly the point I'm trying to make... exactly! She should have broken up BEFORE reaching the point of wanting to cheat (not just daydream or something - actually cheat).

Then stop using words like "the reason" or "this is the cause" There is no reason and there is no causes. There is only excuses that insecure, selfish and codependent people use to justify their fear to leave. We all know she should have broken up but you are subconsciously justifying for her buy attempting to give her (us?) reasons why she did it.

But that's the point - if I weren't satisfied with my guy, I wouldn't care whether the relationship would be jeopardized or not.

Yes you would care or you would just break up with him and go **** his friend. Like a cheater though You would cheat and try to keep the bf at the same time... that's what cheaters do.

We all daydream and fantasize and it's normal, but from my understanding, the OP actually wanted to sleep with the guy, it wasn't just a fantasy... she wouldn't have gone back to his place otherwise. I want to do Alexander too, so I wouldn't put myself in a position in which I would be extremely tempted, because I am satisfied of my relationship and wouldn't want to destroy it over something so small and stupid, considered.

I actually want to sleep with Mr. Skarsgard In fact I think I'll write him and if he agrees I'm going to go ask Mr. Wakeup if I can have his permission. I'll reassure him that it will just be sex *grinz*

[Love'sReject]

Then stop using words like "the reason" or "this is the cause" There is no reason and there is no causes. There is only excuses that insecure, selfish and codependent people use to justify their fear to leave. We all know she should have broken up but you are subconsciously justifying for her buy attempting to give her (us?) reasons why she did it.

WIN. Could not have said it better myself.

[searock]

Then stop using words like "the reason" or "this is the cause" There is no reason and there is no causes. There is only excuses that insecure, selfish and codependent people use to justify their fear to leave. We all know she should have broken up but you are subconsciously justifying for her buy attempting to give her (us?) reasons why she did it.

I am not giving justifications, I already said that she should have stopped herself, or better yet, not have gone to the party at all, or better yet, broken up as soon as she realized that the relationship was over! This is precisely my point. By "reason" and "cause" I am NOT implying ANY sort of moral justification. I hope it's clear enough now. I am just saying that IF she had been satisfied in her relationship, she probably (unless she is a chronic cheater, which we don't know that she is) wouldn't have gone to the party in the first place. It's purely logical, it has nothing to do with morality, it doesn't morally justify her!

Yes you would care or you would just break up with him and go **** his friend. Like a cheater though You would cheat and try to keep the bf at the same time... that's what cheaters do.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean (was there a question somewhere?)... I wouldn't cheat on him because I am satisfied with him. I wouldn't put myself in a position in which I would be tempted to cheat, because I wouldn't even want to risk losing control - it wouldn't be worth it.

[edit: Ok, I think I get it now... I would either care and not cheat, or not care, break up and go f*ck who I want - but a cheater would cheat and keep the bf. We don't know if the OP is a cheater though, or just an immature, inexperienced young woman who couldn't handle the situation. Perhaps she's still in time to learn from this experience, and understand that the right thing to do if she ever finds herself in a similar situation is to break up before cheating and not after.]

I actually want to sleep with Mr. Skarsgard In fact I think I'll write him and if he agrees I'm going to go ask Mr. Wakeup if I can have his permission. I'll reassure him that it will just be sex *grinz*

Of course, if your husband is OK with it, then no problem :-). I know my boyfriend wouldn't be OK with it, so I would not put myself in a position in which I could be tempted!

If I were to find myself, one day, wanting to put myself in a tempting position, then I would know that I would not be satisfied with my relationship anymore, and it would be time to seriously reconsider it. This is what the OP should have done.

[Love'sReject]

Anyway, I maintain that what she needs to do is just say she cheated, break up and hopefully feel every bit as awful as she should. THE END.

[searock]

She should state the reasons for which she is breaking up, break up, the end.

[Love'sReject]

Subterfuge. Cowardly. The End.

Unless by "the reasons" you encourage her to start with admitting to cheating which would be a very appropriate end.

[Wakeup]

I am not giving justifications, I already said that she should have stopped herself, or better yet, not have gone to the party at all, or better yet, broken up as soon as she realized that the relationship was over!

Yes, after you justified by saying "the cause" and "the reason." It's clear that you don't agree with what she did though.

This is precisely my point. By "reason" and "cause" I am NOT implying ANY sort of moral justification.

But the very words "reason" and "cause" are justifications "moral" has nothing to do with what I'm trying to say here.

I hope it's clear enough now. I am just saying that IF she had been satisfied in her relationship, she probably (unless she is a chronic cheater, which we don't know that she is) wouldn't have gone to the party in the first place.

Well, we don't know but I'm thinking that even if she was satisfied she still would have gone because she's insecure and not confident in herself enough to actually tell the guy outright that she had a boyfriend fromt he beginning (oh wait, she already admitted to that). My point exactly .. insecure people cheat. Even when they are happy in their relationship.

Anyway.. we all know each other's position on this and you and I are almost on the same page (except for those words "cause of" and "reason why" which you didn't mean to imply what they imply.

.. so.. so long on this one *waves*

[Wakeup]

Subterfuge. Cowardly. The End.

Unless by "the reasons" you encourage her to start with admitting to cheating which would be a very appropriate end.

You've yet to explain why you think she should crush him further by telling him what she did.

[Love'sReject]

WHAT?! So nobody should take account for their actions?

Then again, you'll probably just respond with some pseudo-evaluation of her motives for admitting it.

If she really cared about not crushing him, then she shouldn't have cheated to begin with. For God's sakes..

[searock]

Wakeup, yeah to me the words "reason" and especially "cause" have no moral significance (not in this context anyway), and that's how I meant them... like a mathematical cause, purely logical. More precisely, it was a necessary cause, but not a sufficient one, for her cheating. Although you do have a point, about insecure people cheating even if they are satisfied with their relationship (I don't personally know about any, but I can imagine there would be some). So yeah, we agree!

Unless by "the reasons" you encourage her to start with admitting to cheating which would be a very appropriate end.

Cheating is not a reason for which she is breaking up. I am sick and tired of repeating to you the same things over and over, without you even understanding them, so I'm going to stop.

[Love'sReject]

Cheating is not a reason for which she is breaking up. I am sick and tired of repeating to you the same things over and over, without you even understanding them, so I'm going to stop.

If she hadn't cheated, there's no certainty she would've broken up with him anyway and not continued her masquerade. In fact, I think it extremely likely she was just going to hold out for a long period of time before finally admitting she was bored. Cheating provided the impetus to break up; therefore, it should be treated as primarily the result of cheating. She as much as admitted she was going to keep stringing him along.